Here’s Why You’re Yelling At Your Kids…and what to do about it.

Something happened at my house the other day.  It hit me right in the gut and gave me a shocking reminder that no matter what, I’ll always have to work on staying calm when my anger bubbles over.

I was folding laundry on the couch in our playroom while my boys worked together building the new marble run they got for Christmas.

Alexa played my favorite Ingrid Michaelson station on Pandora, the boys were cooperating together, while the washer and dryer hummed in the background.

It felt peaceful.  I smiled to myself and enjoyed the moment.

Then they completed the marble run…

Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang went the marbles through the plastic shoots of the run.  Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.

Trying to ignore the sharp pain in my ears, I turned up the volume of my soothing music.

Whirr, whirr, whirr, went the dryer.  Bang, bang, bang, went the marble run.  Ingrid sang “I want to go far away.  Away away, I want to go far away, away.”

I felt my body start to tense up.  The noise grated on my prickly nerves.

I Know My Triggers, But That’s Only Half the Battle

Then my boys started in.  “Mommy!  Will you come play!?”, “Mommy!  Look at this!”, “Mommy, when are you making lunch…I’m Huunngrrrryyy!”

I responded in my calm, matter of fact mom voice.  “Okay, boys let me finish this folding and we’ll play a bit before lunch”.

“But Moooom!!  I want to eat now!!!”

My mind started racing.  OMG, kids!  Just leave me alone for two seconds!

With every request from my children, I felt red hot with rage.  My nerves were on edge and I felt my heart beating in my chest.

My head started spinning, as I tried to recall my list of 50 Calm Down Tips.

As my mind raced, I stood up in the middle of that room and screamed at the very top of my lungs.  I let out all the frustration that was building in my soul.

It felt awesome. Cleansing even.

Related: How to Survive Living With A Loud Child

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There Are Many Ways To Choose How to Calm Down

In that moment, I made a decision. I know at least 49 other ways to calm down, but getting out that frustration was just what I needed to shake it off and regroup.

My boys stopped and looked at me as the last marble hit the bottom of the run.  I turned off the music and got down on my knees in front of my kids.

I pulled them close and said.  “Boys, I need your help. I have to finish this laundry and I can’t do all the things you want me to do right now.  I can only do one thing at a time.  I hear you and I promise that we’ll play and we’ll have lunch.  Please go play with your marble run while I finish and then we’ll play and eat.”

“Okay, Mommy.”

I turned off my music, closed the door to the laundry room to muffle the sound of the washer and dryer, and went back to the couch to fold.

The marble run was still loud, but tolerable.

It’s moments like these that remind me that my yelling triggers will never go away.

I’ll always get irritable when there’s too much sound.  I’ll always get frustrated by being asked to do several things at once.

I’ll always have to work on controlling my anger.

Triggers are big deal.

 

What is the Real Reason You’re Yelling?

Many parents say that their children make them yell, which may be true in some cases.  But, there are lots of other things that can cause a Mama to yell.

• too much noise (like me)
• a messy, cluttered house
• being asked to do too many things at once
• feeling disrespected or ignored
• being too hot
• uncomfortable clothing
• financial stress

Take a look at these other ridiculous reasons why we yell and I bet you’ll find a few that are true for you too.

More Insight On Why We Yell (and how to stop)

I went LIVE on my Facebook page recently to really dig deep into triggers.  If you missed it, you can check out the replay, plus grab your 2 free printables for a TON of insight into what makes us angry.  We also cover triggers in depth in my course, Mama’s Anger Management.

Join the Waitlist to be notified when the next session opens up.

If you need help to stop yelling now- check out my Stop Yelling Handbook or read more stop yelling tips here:

• 5 Myths About Yelling At Kids
• How to Stop Yelling at Kids: One Simple Tip
• 3 Simple Tips to Stop Yelling at Your Kids
• How to Stop Yelling in 21 Days