There has been a new push in the parenting world about how parents should stop yelling at their kids.
“Yelling Is the New Spanking” is the battle cry.
There are articles out there that talk about how detrimental it is to yell at our kids and that it’s easy to just stop.
Because of this new movement, there’s a lot of parents out there feeling guilty and frustrated that they can’t seem to stop yelling at their children.
If you have ever felt this way, let me ease your mind a bit.
Here are 5 of the big myths about yelling. Myths that most of us believe and that are totally not true.
5 Myths About Yelling At Kids
1. I’m A Terrible Parent Because I Yell
Yelling does not make a someone a terrible parent. I bet that most people yell because they are GOOD parents.
You see, good parents try. They want to do better. They have expectations for their children. They get frustrated when their children don’t live up to those expectations.
They are worn down because they work all day to take care of their families. They try hard to make sure that their children have everything that they need.
They feel bad that they can’t do enough, or that they just aren’t enough for their children.
So it’s not surprising that we lose it every once in a while.
Bad parents don’t feel those things. Bad parents don’t try. Bad parents don’t feel the guilt. They don’t get run down trying to do it all.
Because we are good parents, we work so hard and feel so much guilt and frustration that we get overwhelmed frustrated and angry.
Read more about why some parents yell more than others here –> In Defense of The Loud Spicy Families
Good parents feel the guilt of losing their temper, bad parents don’t.
My guess is that parents feel terrible about yelling because they think….
2. I Am Permanently Damaging My Children
Oh the guilt of yelling can be so heavy.
We know it’s not good for our kids, and there are articles after articles online telling us so.
But let me tell you, yelling may not be permanently damaging to children.
In every healthy relationship, there’s a balance between positive moments and negative moments. There have been intensive studies and they show that for every negative moment, we need five positive interactions to keep the relationship healthy and in balance. These studies were done with couples, but have been applied to the parent/child relationship as well.
Positive interactions can be small. A smile, a touch, small gestures. I bet you do a lot of those small gestures with your children throughout the day.
We are all going to get angry and do things that we aren’t so proud of, it’s how we make up for those things that count.
The trick is to keep things in balance. If you feel like you need help with this, check out myth #5 below.
3. I Am The Only Parent I Know Who Yells At Their Kids
Several months ago a student in my program told our group a story. It went something like this.
The other day, I heard screaming when I was outside with my kids. I wasn’t sure, at first, where it was coming from. I looked around and didn’t see anything, then I noticed it was coming from the outdoor intercom system that was left on at my neighbor’s house. I was hearing her yelling at her kids! My neighbor is the calm parent who I believed NEVER yelled at her kids. Ha! Guess I was wrong!
You never know who yells behind closed doors.
I know that every parent gets angry because parents are human, and anger is a human emotion.
4. Some Parents Stop Yelling and Never Yell Again
I got trapped in this one at the beginning of my own personal challenge. I was reading blogs like The Orange Rhino who was showing everyone that she can stop for good. Except that she didn’t.
Did she yell less? Yes, and that’s amazing. But did she stop completely? Nope. She wrote very candidly about how she had a rough day and lost it on her kids. I admire that about her, I admire that she was honest with her setbacks. Because we all have them.
I also went for the better part of a year without yelling, then life got messy and hard and I found myself getting angry and yelling again. But, because I knew how to control my anger, it didn’t last long.
When life is good and a parent feels fulfilled and supported, they can go a long time without yelling.
But life can get difficult. It can get messy. When life is hard, parenting gets hard too and we might start yelling again, and that’s okay. Forgive yourself, let go of the guilt, and start again.
How we react as parents is 100% related to how we feel emotionally.
5. It’s Impossible for Me to Yell Less
It is possible to yell less.
I am honored to have worked with thousands of parents who are invested in yelling less at their children. It’s been fun and so rewarding to see them turn around their families and their relationships with their children.
I can not tell you how amazing it is to see parents who have struggled with yelling, build happier, yell free homes.
I was raised in a duo yelling parent household. It’s the only emotion my family readily showed, and it was more than a daily occurrence. So needless to say, I had a hard time expressing my emotions in a positive way. My husband (and two year old) are very happy with the effort I have put forth in not yelling. – Virginia
I know how it feels to go through the difficult and rewarding process of yelling less.
I have also been through this journey.
Back in 2012, I was in a Mom Funk and yelling on a regular basis. I wasn’t happy and I was taking that out on my kids and my husband.
Then one day, after an explosive moment with my then 3-year-old, I knew it was time to stop.
So, I put together a plan. I pulled out my workbooks and information I used as a Therapist and made a plan.
I used tips and techniques I knew from being a Mental Health Therapist and immediately the yelling went away.
And I was happier.
My marriage improved, life with my kids was easier, and I began to thrive.
I went on for about a year and a half in a really good season of life, with no yelling.
Then a few years later, life got messy and hard and I yelled a few times at my children. But you know what? I was able to recognize why I was yelling and was able to get back on the path of not yelling really quick.
I didn’t get stuck there because I had the tools to pull myself out of it again.
It is possible to yell less.
I’ve taken that same plan and have taught thousands of parents around the world how to control their temper and yell less.
If you’re ready to tame your temper and get a jumpstart on building a calmer home for your kids, then check out my Free 5 Day Stop Yelling Challenge.
In just five emails, you’ll get tips and insights into why you’re yelling and some tools you need to control your temper.
I’ve helped thousands of parents tame their temper, are you ready to be the next?
Just click the image below to learn more and sign up for this FREE Challenge.
It can change your life…
“Your 5-day emails have really helped me out!
I have tried like you, a million times before to take a commitment and say I WILL NEVER YELL AGAIN, but I never managed to keep my promise.
I don t know why, but this time it worked! I can stay calm, and a can analyze the situation. The tips were awesome!
It’s been 2 weeks since I have lost it with my kid. Thank you so much!” –Alexandra
Don’t believe these myths about yelling.
You ARE a good parent.
You are NOT permanently damaging your children.
You are NOT the only one who yells.
You CAN stop yelling.
But you might yell again, and that’s okay.
More For You:
One Simple Tip To Stop Yelling
4 Books that Will Enhance a Mother’s Life
Pretend Play is Boring: How to Enjoy Playing with Your Kids
How to Survive A Bad Day When You’re In A Funk
Great post. I have actually been going thru questions like this in my head myself about yelling at my son. Your post helped and by reading #5 it made me thing that I just might be in the mom funk and I don’t like it. 🙁
Really a great post, thanks for the awareness on this topic yelling at kids, otherwise I was thinking rather blaming that it is just created by me only and believing that I m not a good parent , it was just happened due the effect of mom funk which I never heard before. Thanks for the lightening up this issue.
Wow, you really nailed it! I feel so bad when I yell at my girls. I try to explain to them that I only want to make them good people and I yell because I love them….but I still worry they will hate being around me because of it. Thanks for the support!
I was yelled at as a child and I hated it. When we fought with my siblings we would yell at each other. I yell at my children but I hate doing it, as I know how much I hated it.
The comment on having 5 positive things for every yell i think is a plus. I think I only got punished and never got any praise.
Thanks for the reminder that most of us ARE good parents already. Like you, my husband remind me that we set our expectations for ourselves extremely high because we care so very much about our kids.
Yelling is good for you. It releases stress.
Just don’t yell at your children.
Go out in the car and scream and yell explicatives at the top of your lungs (or close your bedroom door and roar like a lion — possibly beating your pillow at the same time).
Once you have worn yourself out, you are ready to be others again. When you look into your child’s eyes, you will be so glad that you didn’t “unload” all your stress on them.
It is not much different than using the bathroom. You have a build up of chemicals that need to be released. Just go do it. No guilt. No hesitation. Just take responsibility for regulating your own emotions. It’s okay to feel anger, rage, frustration, and so on. It’s just not okay to take those feelings out on others.
That’s really good advice and a great analogy. Thank you for it.
4whirledpeas, are you saying that you have never yelled at your children?
I thought the same thing…
I really like this tip. Thank you.
Im glad there’s an article with this as a subject. I would rather yell than spank anyday
I do agree. I use to spank it only worked just a little just like yelling don’t really work neither but your kids do have to know what they did was wrong some how. Just like talking and explains don’t always work so I guess a little of it all goes hand and hand together. Every kids different to. My boys I had to be a little more firm with them my daughter is very emotional like her mother so if I yelll at her it really bothers her and makes her cry then I cry that or she’ll get pissed off then I’ll get pissed off. Lol. Parenting is not easy at all. My point is that there will always be someone who will always twist others parenting around as bad no matter what angle you take. And every one will always ridicule. you know your kids more than any one else.
I am the father of a 4 year old boy. I am passive with everything in life. My Wife would say I’m too passive, but I like it that way. So I don’t really yell at anyone ever, except my Son because he doesn’t seem to respond to anything else. I know we are supposed to be consistent with discipline but there isn’t always time for a “time out”.
you said that “how we parent is 100% how we feel emotionally.” i am having a hard time understanding that. Please explain. I am miserable. have been for pretty much the lifetime of my daughter. But i am a great mom. She senses when i am upset, and i have learned to completely fake what i feel on the inside. As a result, she is one of the happiest little girls i know. i am working on myself and trying to get better, but for the meantime i have to pretend. So please explain the science behind this statement. Thank you 🙂
If your daughter is a product of you, then it wouldn’t be a far fetched scenario to consider perhaps she is doing as her mother does, puts a show on for you knowing if she doesn’t it would most likely make you upset. Perhaps deep down inside she has learned the very thing you believe she hasn’t. Are children not experts at pretending? Even if you feel your daughter doesn’t pick up on what you pretend you feel, its something you probably shouldn’t underestimate. You should be wary of creating a relationship based on fake expressions of emotions you only know what they look like & not what they feel like. I wish you both a more healthy future.
Here’s the thing: I was yelled at as a kid, a lot. I vowed to never yell at my own kids, and I’ve easily broken that vow a number of times. Parenting is frustrating and so very rewarding all at the same time. And yelling is one thing, verbal abuse is another. Being told by someone who is supposed to love and protect you that you’re selfish, inconsiderate, and a slut WILL permanently damage them. I understand yelling is human nature, yelling can mean you’re a good parent for caring, yelling will sometimes get the point across. But just be careful that the yelling is correcting the behavior and not attacking the worth of the child. I will never have a deep relationship with my mother because of the yelling that turned into verbal abuse. I will always be guarded around her and I will never share too much with her. I’ve done my best to forgive and move on, but the memory of the hurt will always be there. So, I’m hesitant to justify yelling. Again, I’ve done it, we all do. But just make sure it’s an occasional thing that never morphs into abuse.
Oh I agree. There is a difference between yelling and verbal abuse. I do provide resources to help parents stop and I give lots of pointers for how to stop yelling. The point of this post though is to help parents feel less guilt about their anger. You did inspire me to write about the difference between yelling and verbal abuse…I think that’s a much needed topic.
Yes I also yell at my son and I really dont want to do it…………..its not at all healthy, but I am a single parent and sometimes it becomes too much……………..I dont want him to hate me……………….becoz of this
Thank you for taking the time to add this. I am to the point where when someone yells I freeze up and can’t think properly. My flight response is in full swing. Now I’m terrified that I will continue this cycle. It’s good to hear people can find a balance.
I love this post!! Yelling at my kids sometimes feels like the only thing that gets the fire under them, and it doesn’t always make me feel badly, but when you are ALREADY yelling and you start to lose your temper, it is too easy to escalate to mean words, or LONG yelling tirades, or worst spanking. Thanks for this to alleviate some of the guilt but to help inspire excellent parenting skills and continual improvement!
I’m curious is ur course free or cost I don’t want to subscribe to be on the waiting list when I don’t see that. Maybe it’s somewhere but I just didn’t see it. Thank you for the article!!
Hi there, the course price is on this page and you sign up for the waiting list there as well. You don’t have to pay a thing to be on the list, it’s just so you’ll be notified first when the course is open for registration. Here’s the page that has all the information about the course. http://dbparenting.com/mamas-anger-management
Doing Good Together™
We know parenting is a tough job, and that’s why it’s important to have lots of parenting tools in your tool box. Parents might consider adding mindfulness routines (for both parent self-care and to help kids deal with their fast-paced world). In addition, when kids feel more connected to parents, there can be an increase in listening and cooperation.
Thank you for addressing this important topic.
I really appreciate this post. I have countless books on my shelf about parenting that are manifestos against parents, suggesting that if we just parent from the inside out we’ll be perfect parents and that any one who doesn’t parent that way isn’t trying. Even though I appreciate many points that are made, I hate these books. They have left me with so much guilt when I am incapable of responding perfectly in high tension situation, that it has taken me days to recover.
since ive lost me mum and sister to cancer slowly over the last 2 years ive come to realise why I am really yelling at my daughter , well both my kids but she is the eldest now 12 and in my head should know better, its begins as a shout from frustration she yet again obv has not listened to me or does not respect our home or my belongings but quickly becomes a yelling because my life is so hard and I have lost my closest support network, I shouted before my losses but worse since. I have sat her down and explained it all to her and said its not all about her or what she has done just that my life was hard, that its not her fault and that I would try to yell less and I do yell less so when this has become the norm ill aim for not yelling at all though she is becoming a teen so ive yet to see how that goes lol. I do feel awful after and at times gone off to have a cry but I’m changing and any improvement is a plus as I see it. I do devote my whole life to my two I will go without so much to give to them, I do not go out every weekend I’m lucky if I can swing once a year, they get everything I can possibly give them even if it means I’m struggling or I go without things I really want and its hard, being a single mum is hard but a single mum without any support is much much harder I know ive had both, at this point I’m looking forward to the day my eldest hits 14 so once a week I can do something so mundane as go to the beach in the evening and just sit in the beauty and silence of it all I miss those sort of things , I’m not fussed about drinking or partying or any of that but I do miss freedom the most.
You should rebuild your support network, you make new friends, your children can provide a bridge to that, their friends mums & dads. For emotional support that you need immediately then you should find some organisations that you can speak to & freely speak about what your going through. Many such organisations aren’t solely for those who feel suicidal & at this point, they’re there for anyone feeling emotional stress or worry. Only when you reach out will someone be able to reach your hand & place theirs in yours. If things don’t improve then you should think about having a chat with your doctor, nobody should face life alone & neither should. Best wishes now & always
Thank you so much for this article–I’ve been struggling a lot with my 5 year old and his constant sass and have found myself becoming more and more of a yeller (which I don’t want to be). This article helped me to keep it in perspective yet set my eyes on a goal of less yelling (not no yelling). Thank you!!
hi Amanda …
hope you well, i used to feel the same way after reading the 5 myths feeling a bit better … i am struggling with my 2 and half year old baby as since the 2nd baby is born she throws her tantrums i shout so much that my throat becomes painfull and the end of the day when she is sleeping i feel bad why did i do that and try to tell my self that the next day i wouldnt shout but the fallowing day same stories starts again … specially breakfast time gets hectic … she naggs for everything and i cant take noise nagging child i tell her stop so she cries out loud by screaming i cant take it …. trying trying to help my self but very hard …
I don’t think we have to praise ourselves for being good parents who scream. It is easy to raise your voice at a child much smaller and vulnerable than you. My father did yell, he didn’t insult us or put us down but the yelling alone shows that you are stronger, inflicts fear and hurts someone just because “we as parents have the right to be frustrated, out of control and feel like yelling”. I don’t agree, yelling is unnecessary and should stop or be minimum. Yelling hurts, diminishes, scares and could scar a young child. Please stop telling parents we have the right to do this because we don’t. We have the obligation to be mature and emotionally controlled ti raise our children.
I hear you, I really do. Yes, yelling can be damaging, but there’s been a multitude of scientific studies, particularly from The Gottman Institute, that prove that it’s okay for healthy relationships to have some negative interactions. The goal is to keep those interactions within a healthy ratio of good/bad. My whole purpose of this post and of my entire blog is to help Mothers feel less guilt and less pressure to be perfect. I think it’s extremely important to let them know that it’s okay to yell from time to time, but the repair after is extremely important too. I know that many parents don’t want to yell, and I know that sometimes relationships can get out of balance and skewed towards the negative. That’s why I wrote an entire program about how to stop the yelling and repair the parent/child relationship. As a Mental Health Therapist, I how to do this in a non-judgmental way and in a way that brings a lot of change. I want to help, and the first way to help is by saying “I get it” and “It’s okay.” It’s all about kindness. 🙂
Thank you for writing this… I hade a rough morning getting my daughter Lexi off to school. I just snap and yelled her, and she listened. But afterward I felt awful. So, I starting looking for some closer. Your article provided that. I feel like you really understand what I/many of us are going through. I will look into your course in the near future. But I need funding. I bookmarked your blog in my parenting folder. And again thanks Amanda!
Thank you for writing this. I am a single
Dad 50/50 custody of my 3 children 1 girl 9 years and 2 boys 2 and 4. I snapped at the boys last night and got upset when they where rough housing on my bed and bonked heads hard. It was past their bed time it was pajama time it was swimming lessons night and macdolads after and they where over tired and I was as well and I just yelled enough and slammed my hand down on the table.
I have felt horrible for hours and like the worst parent ever since. I mean that’s nothing compared to the way most fathers 30 years ago handled things (i.e. My own father) but in today’s parent shamming world I feel like complete Dod S%*%.
Your article helped me feel less shitty thank you
I can’t believe you just wrote an article telling people it’s okay to yell at their children. Intimidating your littles in to compliance doesn’t make you necessarily a bad parent but t does make you impatient. Your children don’t carry your stresses, so before you justify verbal abuse keep in mind they are CHILDREN. Y’all need Jesus.
I’m not saying it’s okay, I’m saying it’s normal. The purpose of this post is to take off some of the guilt and to provide some resources for parents who would like to stop yelling so much. Parenting is hard and even the most patient of parents loses their cool from time to time, and that’s NORMAL. The problem is that society has told us that we’re terrible parents just because we yell, but that’s just not true.
I think Jesus most likely would prefer not be involved in such matters. I think his views would be a little outdated in this day & age. You perhaps have a misunderstanding of the differences between yelling & verbal abuse, one does not have malicious intent with the aim of hurting someone the other is exactly that. The article gives people everywhere hope & a bigger potential to be better & do better, whereas your comment condemns the author & by default anyone who may have read it & those yet to read it. Jesus is busy, I just spoke to him.
Thank you for this post, Amanda. The guilt does get to me more than I’d like it to. Posts like yours help alleviate it for a while. The truth is I’ve been getting help and healing from the inside and have reduced my yelling at kids drastically. And now I have noticed myself going further the other way, feeling guilty for EVERY time I raise my voice. Your post helped me understand that I don’t need to. I don’t yell at them excessively, I don’t call them names or swear, I am a good mother and I yell out of frustration sometimes. I find that sometimes, when I feel guilty about yelling, I disengage completely, and that has resulted in the kids ignoring me and not taking me seriously at all, which is also not a healthy alternative. So there’s got to be a healthy medium somewhere that allows me to express my emotions and stay engaged and for the kids to keep their dignity. I will find it one day. And until then, I will allow myself to raise my voice occasionally.
While some of you out there like yelling at your kids, I remeber when I was yelled at. Yelling only creates a worse reaction with your kids. I find it easier to talk with my parents about what I did wrong than yell and scream. See, I am a depressed teen and listening to the words, “You’re a disappointment”, literally kills me. When I am yelled at, I scream with frustration. I can’t control my anger, my feelings. And when my parents start yelling, I can’t put my ten cents into the jar. It’s unfair to yell at your child, and as apart of the other side of the stick, I feel like I need to get this out there. Just think about what it does to your kids. Especially if you child had self esteem issues or suicidal, like me. I would also recommend family counciling, it really did help.
First of all, I don’t think anyone LIKES to yell at their kids, but yes, it does happen. And there’s also a big difference in yelling out of frustration and name calling and putting down children. Parental anger and yelling are complex issues and some parents take it too far. Yes, it can be very damaging, like what happened to you. Yelling can cause self esteem issues and suicidal thoughts. But not always. As long as things are in balance and it doesn’t skew into emotional abuse, the occasional yelling is okay. Parents hold a lot of guilt for raising their voice at their children and this post is written to help normalize that and to help parents see that just because they yell, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are damaging their child.
Kalule Fred Hugo
Thank you Amanda.. for coming up with this topic.
I am glad you addressed this issue. It’s is a struggle not to ever yell. It’s good to hear that other struggle. It’s good not to be automatically condemned as a bad parent. Sometimes the noise level gets to the point that the voice of reason is completely drowned out. As pointed out, yelling and verbal abuse are two different things. Yelling at your kids is an attention grabber. It’s not something that sends your kids cowering or shaking with fear. Those who were “yelled at all the time” as a kid and are emotionally scarred from it were not yelled at– they were verbally abused. It’s easy to get high and mighty and accuse people of being out of control and bad parents for yelling but really, we’re all human. We’re all imperfect. We all make mistakes. The fact that you don’t feel good after yelling is a positive thing. You know it is wrong and you are trying to do better. That’s all we can do. Everyone has something they can do better at. Maybe they should be less judgmental. Maybe they should exercise more. Maybe they should eat less. Maybe they should spend more time with their kids instead of [working, messing with Facebook, talking on the phone, being an internet troll etc] Instead of bringing people down, maybe try lifting people up instead and we’ll all be better off.
Thank you so much. Reading your post has been alleviating and soothing, consoling. thank you so so much. It’s exactly what I needed and I’m lookong forward to joining your group.
Great information!!! With all the hands off parenting of today, the only way one can not yell, is if a parent doesn’t care what their kid is doing, or not doing. The parents I know that don’t yell at all, are the ones who have either NO RULES at home, or very lax rules. I care about how my daughter dresses, I care about instilling the fact that she needs to do chores, and I care that she might be eating too much junk. I can’t and won’t let those things go. I also realize that when she is of a certain age, I cannot do this. That, I think is the mistake some parents make. The constant nitpicking even after the child is an adult. So direct them NOW, so that they will have the skills for later.
I’m just coming to peace with the fact that my mom simply yells at me (a 22-year-old) because I’m an easy target comparing to my sibling, I feel like I have to take care of her so I try not to upset her, so I don’t talk back, I just do what she says, the result, she takes her anger out on me at every opportunity. With that said I’ll have to disagree with number two, my of my psychological issues are either partially or fully resulting of that treatment from my parents, and the fact that nowadays they yell at me because of that issues only makes me want to pack my bags and leave.
Man, I’m sorry to hear that your Mom takes out so much of her anger out on you. It sounds like this is much more than the occasional yelling out of frustration. I agree 100% that parent’s anger can cause issues in their children as they grow. The difference is yelling out of frustration and yelling and SHAMING the child. When a parent blames a child for their own anger or shames them on a regular basis, there can be lasting effects from that. But yelling occasionally out of anger probably won’t cause issues later on. Feel free to read more about this over here —> In Defence of The Loud Spicy Families
When my wild things were younger I guess I yelled at them, but not often, I always felt pretty terrible afterwards and my wife would remind me that I shouldn’t do it…. now that our kids are teens the tables have turned…. I never yell anymore and I have to keep reminding her not to either…. personally I think it should be avoided as much as possible, but in dire circumstances it may be necessary, if only to add emphasis while correcting them. But as much as possible it should be avoided.
Your article was a breath of fresh air. We’ve been going through a hard time with our son. He magically skipped the terrible twos and all that rebellious energy shifted to his fives! Lately everyone in our household has been going through a messy transition. We have a big move coming up, financial struggles, and my son will start school this year. So needless to say my fuze has been cut short. To top that off, I’ve been feeling an overwhelming guilt about my constant screaming competitions with my son. I often times find it hard to sleep (even though I’m exhausted) kicking myself about how I should’ve handled a situation better the first time. It doesn’t help that a lot of the articles out there bash yelling and go on explaining the log term effects of yelling. So on top of finding a place to move, getting my son ready for school, and dealing with the financial roller coaster, I have that guilt in my heart that I could be “damaging” my son. It’s a bit of a relief hearing the real side to yelling and showing parents it’s ok to be human. Sometimes we have to be reminded of that every once and a while, especially us parents.
The woman who I was cut out of ( caesarian) I can’t call her my mother . she used to yell at me every day yelling ” your going to turn out a loser just like your father ” and ” I hate you ” and that I was a stupid b*”‘h . I am hoping I will be ok one day . but definerly hurt me a lot
I’m sorry you had this experience. Your mother sounds emotionally abusive. She was shaming you, calling you names, and berating you. Not all yelling is abusive, a lot of times it’s done by great, loving parents who are in no way abusive. I talk about this more in this post over here –> In Defense Of The Loud Spicy Families
This article is superb… I felt so guilty as I raised my voice at my child. And was feeling the exact same things that I am damaging my child, she will develop a fear…
Thank you for the article. I struggle w yelling at my children. I have noticed when life is good, I rarely yell. Though when my husband annoys me or something is stressing me out, I tend to be on edge and yell at my kids. I feel like garbage during and especially after the yelling. Because I love my children soooo much and I want them to know mommy loves them and that they can trust and count on me. I then replay the whole scenario over in my head and think of ways I could have handled it better with out yelling. I wish I could be logical at the moment, but when I yell I feel like it’s an impulse reaction and I don’t care at the moment. Sheesh parenting is sooo hard and yet rewarding. I wish I had better tools on how to parent.
Thank you so much for this post. I just yelled at my 2 year old little girl for dropping my iPad and she burst into tears. I immediately felt awful as the realisation of what I’d done hit me. She was so upset she wouldn’t even let me give her a cuddle at first! I was dwelling on the permanent damage I’d done her before I read your post which reminded me of the 5 positive things counteracting if you like for each negative experience. Such a relief to read your article and bring some balance to my thinking. Dad in London UK
I needed this!! I yelled at my children this morning to get ready faster, and I fell so guilty that my kids are thinking I yell all the time and I worry about their little hearts. But sometimes you don’t even realize your doing it till you sit back and remember how the morning/day went….. I needed to read this article
It’s not just Mums that go tbrough this, I’m a single full time Dad & im in the same situation, yelling at my boy & then feeling absolutely terrible about it, so thank you for posting this, its given me some hope.x
This was such a relief to hear that other parents through this and that its human. Other blogs will have you believe you aren’t trying if find yourself losing your cool.