It’s 5:30 in the evening and your trying to cook dinner.
It’s been a really long day and you have a lot on your mind.
As your chopping vegetables, your toddler keeps pulling at your shirt to show you something in his playroom, your 5 year old is running in circles around your table screaming at the top of his lungs, and your husband just texted that he’ll be late for dinner.
You feel your anger start bubbling up.
All you want to do is get freakin dinner ready…but your kids are driving you crazy!
Often times we yell or get mad at our kids for reasons that have nothing to do with them. We are stressed, disorganized, distracted, or tired, so we don’t have the patience we need with our kids. We end up taking out our frustrations on them.
I recently asked the students and alumni in my Mama’s Anger Management Support Group to tell me when they feel like they are most likely to yell. Here are many of their answers.
Lack of Self-Care
- We are hungry or tired…or both!
- Feeling overwhelmed by life
- Haven’t had any “me time”
- Haven’t showered.
- Feeling alone
- In a rush or running late
- Feeling overwhelmed
- Fights with others
- Unprepared for the day
- Too many noises all at once
- A messy house, stuff everywhere
- Feeling hot
- Talking on the phone
- Being on the computer
- Trying to read
- Talking with others…including your spouse
- Thinking through problems
When Things Go Wrong
- Unexpected problems pop up
- Plans fall through
- Unmet expectations from others
This is only a handful of times and situations when we as Mom’s can lose our cool. As you can see, a lot of times we yell, not because of our kids behaviors, but because of all the other stuff going on in our life.
It’s ok though. Once we are able to pinpoint the times and situations that we are likely to get our anger triggered, we can work around them. Being aware of them is sometimes all it takes to center ourselves and handle the problem without yelling.
So take a look a the list. Are any of these triggers for you? Do you have triggers that aren’t listed here?
If you haven’t yet, you can grab the free Trigger Tracker I made here.
This is just one part of my 4 week course, Mama’s Anger Management. I know you are tired of feeling angry, worn down, and frustrated at your children all the time. I know how to help you.
This course will transform you into a parent who can handle your kids with grace, calmness, and love, no matter what they do to push your buttons.
You can be the happy Mom that your kids want you to be. Mama’s Anger Management can help!
This is a great post! Thanks for being real on your blog!
This is such a great reminder for all of us.
Thank you Alida!
Thx Amanda and be blessed!
Mom of 6 Boys
I really identify with many of these! For me its usually a combination of several that tip me over the edge. I am glad to know I am not the only mom who loses it to sensory overload. Sounds can really get to me, especially when I am trying to concentrate on something and I feel overwhelmed. It also seems to be true that while one of two of these triggers is manageable, several combined is what tips me over the edge into mommy meltdown mode. No shower, tired, messy kitchen, noisy kids, and suddenly that bottle of bubbles that just got dumped on the carpet is a HUGE trigger – when really its many things combined together. I think the key is chipping away at the factors within our control, so we aren’t so raw and open to the triggers outside our control (like a child’s fluctuating ability to listen or follow directions!)
Oh man, I love what you said. Yes, it’s almost always a combination of things that put me in a mood..then the kids do something small and I lose it! And YES! it’s up to us to resolve the triggers around us so we can handle the things outside our control. Brilliant!
Gail Marlene Schwartz
This is a great one, Amanda. I’m going to print out the list and post on the fridge. For two-mom households, the trigger potential is somehow tripled! Many thanks for your great content.
Thank you so much for your guidance in helping mom’s to overcome yelling. You r bringing back peace in the families. May God bless you
Thank you so much Amanda it’s actually true. My child keeps on questioning. I get irritate because she asks the same question again and again , she enjoys listening to it again and again. How to handle this one pl help.
Pragya I find that repeating the question back to them and then they give you the answer seems to bring a close to the endless repetition!