There’s something “off” again with my relationship with my oldest son.
It seems to happen every few months. He gets unruly and a bit nuts, and I turn into a moody, no-fun Mama.
I find myself saying “No! Stop it! Just go away!” instead of “come here, let’s play!”
I adore my son, I really do, but man can this child be annoying sometimes. He’s so LOUD, and boisterous. He feels the need to touch me all the time and during those moments when he’s literally hanging onto my legs, I just want to scream “Let Go of ME!”
Triggers.
Loud noises and lack of personal space are huge triggers for me, and lately I’ve felt like I’m in sensory overload multiple times during the day.
But why? Why are these behaviors bothering me now? He hasn’t really changed much…or has he.
He’s been screaming for my attention and I’ve been giving it to him, but just not in the positive, loving way that he’s used to.
So he screams and hangs on.
He’s asking for his Mama who plays. He misses his Mama who said yes. He’s yearning for his Mama who engulfs him in love.
Honestly, I miss her too….
Where has she gone?
The loving Mama retreats with lack sleep. The fun playful Mama gets lost in the ever growing to do list. The engaged and happy Mama disappears while running errands and doing chores.
As always, it’s me. It’s always me.
I want to blame his crazy behavior on him, but most of the time it’s me.
I’m not able to give him the love he’s used to because I’m stressed with all that I have to do.
My children become something I have to deal with, just one more thing on my list. And that’s not fair to them …or to me.
Every once in a while, every few months, I have to remind myself that it’s me. And that it’s up to me to change things around.
So, today I shall play! My to do list will stay away and I will reconnect with those that matter the most to me.
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I’m right there with you, Amanda. Sometimes I find myself getting so busy with other stuff around the house that my son just starts clinging to me like a magnet with gravitational pull. Time for me to pull out some freezer meals and let the laundry go for a few days and just focus on the good stuff–playing and connecting. Thanks so much for sharing.
Thanks Lauren. It’s so hard to do it all isn’t it! I find that playing helps my mood so much and makes a dramatic change in my son’s behavior, but man it’s hard to focus on that with all the other stuff going on!
I think it’s so hard for them Amanda as we are all so overloaded juggling too many different balls but they depend on us more for play and companionship than we did on our mothers … we were able to spend so much more time outside with the other kids that I think we saw less of the juggling and actually gave our mums more space. Definitely times when I’m tired that I just crave space – Alice x
Thank you for this post. I really needed to read this tonight. Funny how that kind of thing works.
THANK YOU! You put into words what I’ve just realized about our family dynamic recently. I need to make “fun” more of a priority…..
You are welcome! Now, go PLAY!
Dear Amanda,
while you are writing this, your to-do list is getting longer, so I really appreciate the time you take to help all of us, “crazy” mothers… Sometimes it is too difficult to keep the entire family happy. And, each time I receive your newsletter and browse through your site, your words are a huge, ENOURMOUS encouragement to me. I think you are doing a really marvellous job by helping all of us who are in need of encouragement and advice. Thank you from all of my heart and I wish you happiness in your life, joy with your family and lots of success!!! Keep telling us that we can, that it is possible!
Regards from Mallorca, Spain,
Agnes
Oh thank you Agnes! My to do list does get longer every day, for sure. But I love my blogging job and wouldn’t change it for the world. Thank yo so much for reinforcing that having a crazy to do list is worth it 🙂