Last month, I took my 4 year old to the dentist.
I was worried about this appointment because my son is a thumb sucker and knew that the dentist would tell me that it’s time to start breaking that habit.
I’ve heard so many stories about how hard it is for kids to stop and I hadn’t really taken the time to figure out how I wanted to handle it yet.
I thought that I’d talk to the dentist about the options and then decide from there how I would help my son break this habit.
Well…that’s not quite how things went down.
After I told the dentist that he was indeed a thumb sucker, he asked me if there was a comfort object like a blanket or stuffed animal that he used when he sucked his thumb.
I said “Yes, his blue blanket. He snuggles up to it and sucks his thumb when going to sleep or when he needs comfort.”
Then he turned away from me and towards my son and told him,
“Hey J, I talked to Santa and he needs you to send your blanket up to him for a few weeks so that he can use it to make new blankets for babies. You and your Mommy will need to package up your blanket and send it away when you get home. When Santa is done with it, he will send it back to you.”
He then told me that this is a great way to get my son to stop sucking his thumb and that I could not give the blanket back until he had completely stopped.
In that moment I felt a bit run over by him. Wasn’t it my job to help my son stop sucking his thumb? I wanted some time to think about it so I could come up with a plan. I was looking for options from him, but he just did it for me.
And let me say, I certainly wouldn’t take this route first.
My son LOVES his blue blanket. Other toys have come and gone, but this blanket has been there through it all. He’s held on to that blanket all 4 times he’s had to moved across the country. He’s loved on that blanket when his brother was born and I couldn’t love on him. That blanket has been there for scary doctor visits and every time he got his feelings hurt. That blanket is his most prized possession and provides him such comfort, and now the dentist was telling him to give it away.
It just didn’t sit right with me.
When we got back to the car, my son talked the whole way home about Blue Blanket and how he didn’t want to send it to Santa. He asked me what Santa would do with it once he got it and why he needed it in the first place. It didn’t make sense to him and he was trying to figure it all out. I could tell he was nervous about this new plan.
I can’t say that I answered his questions all that well in the car. My head was still spinning trying to figure out my next steps.
When we got home and was putting J down for a nap I decided to tell the truth.
I said something like, “J, I know you don’t want to send your blanket away. But here’s why the dentist asked you to do that.
“When you have Blue Blanket, you suck your thumb. The problem is that when you suck your thumb, you’re hurting your teeth, so the dentist wants you to stop. He thought that if you didn’t have Blue Blanket for a while you would stop sucking your thumb.
“So, here’s our new plan. You can keep Blue Blanket if you stop sucking your thumb. If you can’t stop, then we’ll put him away for a while. I’ll be paying attention to how much you suck your thumb and I’ll also be asking you about it. If you stop, then you get to keep Blue Blanket.”
He responded with, “Well ok, that makes sense. I’ll try to not suck my thumb anymore. I want to keep my blanket, I don’t want to send him to Santa.”
We talked a bit more about why thumb sucking is bad for his teeth and I answered all of his questions.
He was still concerned that he’d have to send it to Santa. So, we decided that if he couldn’t stop thumb sucking that we’d put his blanket on the top of his closet instead of sending it to Santa. This way he could still see it.
Our plan was made and we both felt better.
This was about one month ago, and his thumb sucking has dropped dramatically. He admits that he still does it sometimes, but that most nights he doesn’t do it anymore. My husband and I have not seen him suck his thumb since his dentist visit.
I guess that honesty really is the best policy…even with 4 year olds.
Update: There was quite the discussion about this post on my Facebook page. Click the link below to read the opinions and share your own!
Wow, that is so out of line! Poor little guy must have been pretty scared and super confused. I was feeling anxious on his behalf just reading your post so I am pleased you have found a better option. I have a 9 month old thumb sucker and am anticipating a similar trip to the dentist sooner or later 🙂
He was so scared and very confused…I felt terrible! My 16 month old sucks his thumb too…we’ll see how easily he gives it up in a few years.
Absolutely honesty is always the best policy, no matter what age. I would have told that dentist a thing or two. Although none of my kids sucked their thumb, they loved their blankets (three of them still have them tucked away in a closet.) I cannot imagine how devastated they would be if they had been told this. You did the right then. Oh, and get another dentist.
Yeah, we would be getting a different dentist, too. Why do people think it’s okay to lie to other people’s kids? Especially having no idea what the parents may have taught the kids about such things. Why put other people in the position of having to keep up your lie, or telling their kids you’re a liar? We run into this, since we don’t “do” Santa as someone who brings our kids gifts or anything, but everyone feels free to make Christmas all about Santa and tell my daughter that she has to be good or she won’t get presents.
Thanks for the support Jen. I have no idea why she thought that lying would be a good idea. I too am not a fan of other people lying to my children…or really any child that isn’t theirs.
I’ll be looking for another one. This was our first time seeing this one….kind of makes it worse huh? And, I’ll probably be keeping Blue Blanket forever…I still have my blue blanket from when I was a child 🙂
I sucked my thumb until age 5. Lots of times I would do it without realizing it. When my mom decided it was time for me to stop she put a band-aid on my thumb. The band-aid was a great reminder for me. Just an idea if you thought it might help your little guy. (Also, my teeth are just fine now. 🙂 )
Thank you for the tip! That’s one that I might actually do.
Wow! Id be bothered as well by that dentist! What if you guys didn’t even do Santa? Some families don’t. Not that, that is the point but still it wasn’t her place to give him direction. She could have talked about teeth and thumb sucking just as you did which would have been more her role to educate on how teeth develop! Poor guy. Glad it made sense to him!
Wow! That was not cool!! No way should the dentist be making decisions like that which affect daily life for your son without consulting you first! Glad you found a plan that is working for everyone.
Wow. I was so nervous about the first time my littles went to the dentist in general, I can’t imagine adding to that fear. It’s all so strange with them putting stuff in their mouth and wearing the funny “sunglasses.” You would think the dentist would try to stay away from adding more stress to the whole dentist visit! Glad you took the time to think& figure out what worked best for you guys!
I was more nervous about him just going to the dentist than the thumb sucking! I wasn’t sure how he’d handle someone putting stuff in his mouth, but he did great. I never would have guessed that I’d have to deal with this lie.
That’s horrible! For one she completely over stepped her boundaries. And agreed…not everyone celebrates Christmas, so the I can see the santa thing going horribly wrong in more than one way! Glad you guys figured out your own way
Seems the dentist took a bit of an abrupt approach. I would have preferred some discussion without my child present before giving him instructions like that. We had a very similar situation with my daughter and when she was 7, she agreed to give me her special lovey cow blankie as long as I slept with it (to keep the cow company!). It worked like a charm. The thumb sucking was totally an association with her lovey. When we’re honest with our kids, they know and trust us and seem very willing to work hard to change a habit for the better. So glad you all worked it out the way you did!
Yes, the fact that she was so abrupt about it and that she lied to my son were really hard for me. Like your experience, I do think that removing his blanket could help with the thumb sucking….if we needed to do that. But, sending it off to some strange place to be with Santa just didn’t sit right with me….or him. That’s why he wanted it in his closet, so he could still see it.
I think this article may have been written with a subjective voice indeed. I would like to hear a slight input from the dentist please.
Well, I can’t really talk about the dentist’s side of things and my intention was to not beat up on her. I was just writing about a situation that happened from my perspective. I’m not angry or holding on to a grudge. My whole point of writing this was to show that we don’t have to lie to change our kid’s behavior.
wow I would have been really upset. That is way out of line for a dentist, what if you did not believe in Santa? A dentist should be more professional than that.
We don’t particularly lie about doctor’s visits. But we have to sugar coat the truth. My 5 year old is terrified of needles and doctors checking her mouth. First one is due to a blood test going sour a year ago (they poked her arm and hand trying to draw blood from the vein and it wasn’t working so ended up poking her foot – it took over 30 minutes, there were tears and cries and begging. But test HAD to be done). And she had a stomatitis over a year ago and since then she’s been sensitive about anything happening with her mouth, up to what toothbrush she is using and what toothpaste. She often asks to use her sister’s toothpaste because she {thinks} since it is for babies it is better. It is all psychological of course and hopefully she outgrows it….
I think youre son is very bright. I love how he questioned what she said, asking why santa would need it just to send it back. I would have been very annoyed at the dentist as she has no right to do your job for you. Im sure she just thought she was helping but I wouldn’t dream of doing that to someone’s children, even my friends kids. And what a great mum you are for talking honestly about it with and working out a solution that fits your family better. I understand the association with the blanket but a childhood love for a toy/comforter shouldn’t just be severed.
I found myself about to tell a little white lie to my nearly three year old recently something very small but stopped myself as it felt so wrong. I think we often do things as we were parented until we realise we want a different path for our family. Thanks for giving me a great example of honesty and respect. Xx
Well done, you.
My 4 year old has a lot of anxiety about doctor’s appointments and is language delayed. So at his 4 year well visit when the doctor’s assistant was trying to use kiddie euphemisms, I talked over her explaining that she was going to use a blood pressure cuff that would squeeze his arm, use the stethoscope to listen to his heart, and so on. I know that these professionals CLEARLY mean well, but vague and fantastical language can be a lot scarier than simple honesty and truthful words.
I can remember being a kid at the dentist and being told that the dentist was going to give me a “mosquito bite” in my mouth when administering a novocaine shot. Nothing could have terrified me more as I was scared of bugs and couldn’t imagine WHY they would put one in my mouth! Honesty is the best policy indeed.
Sucked my thumb until age 5. Lots of times I would do it without realizing it. When my mom decided it was time for me to stop she put a band-aid on my thumb. The band-aid was a great reminder for me. Just an idea if you thought it might help your little guy. (Also, my teeth are just fine now.
I sucked my thumb into my teen years. My teeth are fine. I have 2 boys that suck their fingers. One’s teeth is fine. One will need orthodontics due to the way he sucks. He might’ve needed them anyway. Both kids have sensory issues and autism. My view is leave kids alone about it. For my kids, it’s a coping mechanism and self soother when they’re unable to soothe any other way. It isn’t just a “bad habit” and we need to stop treating it like that. There’s a reason they do it. When that reason is gone, they will stop on their own.
It’s great that the blue blanket strategy worked after all. Your little twist of honesty may have been just the right touch.
Everything else aside, I wanted to suggest something that was really helpful for weaning my daughter off thumb sucking. (It was suggested by my dentist.) There’s a kind of foul tasting but unharmful nail polish you can buy from the chemist/pharmacist/drug store. It works a treat – especially when your child wants to stop too, which yours clearly does. Best of luck.
Great post, it’s definitely important to find the correct approach for you and your child. Thanks for sharing!
Wow… that is crazy that the dentist said that… BRUTAL.