9 Weeks Ago I stopped yelling at my kids. It hasn’t been easy, and knew I wasn’t going to accomplish my goal by shear willpower.
It’s hard to change behavior, and that’s true for both me and my kids. It takes time and lots of energy to change how we think and function.
But, we can change the way we do things pretty quick. I can change our routines, our environment, and the rules of our house so that I’m less likely to yell.
It’s actually pretty simple, but it takes some creative thinking.
The first thing to do is to ask myself a few questions.
- What are my triggers? I’ve listed a few of my anger triggers last week.
- What times of day or situations am I likely to get mad?
When I was able to answer these questions, I was able to find ways to work around them.
A few examples:
I know that I get angry when there are too much noise. So I’ve turned off all background noise, like music, throughout the day. We still have our daily dance parties, but when we’re done, it goes off.
I also get very angry when I get distracted from my work and the computer. So I’ve set office hours when my children are sleeping and I do not work when they are awake.
Bedtime. My son’s bedtime is 8pm. But, that kid does not go to sleep until at least 9:30. Our rule is that he can read books and play in bed, but that he must stay upstairs. Most nights it works pretty well.
I read this wonderful bedtime post from A Mom With a Lesson Plan, and her tips have helped us a lot.
My best friend gets very, very angry when her children splash her while she is giving them a bath. She says it makes her go from 0-60 and that she flips out every time.
So she made a rule. No splashing while being washed. At the end of bath time, she shuts the door to the bathtub and allows them to splash as much as they want.
But….if they splash before she shuts the doors, then bath time is over immediately and they don’t get any playtime in the tub.
It’s all about finding your triggers, then figuring out how to work around them.
So get out your notebooks, pay attention to the times you get angry, write them down, and make a plan.
Need help making a plan? Check out my comprehensive Stop Yelling Course, Mama’s Anger Management, and I’ll help you make that plan.
Click image below to register for this FREE webinar!
This is an affiliate link. Thank you for your support
Bek @ Just For Daisy
Brilliant. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you for talking about this. It is a serious issue. Yelling is not acceptable…but somehow we keep thinking it is. I appreciate that you share your triggers, hope it makes others think!
Mom of 6 Boys
Thank you for this! It is amazing how after all these years (my oldest just turned 18!) I still sometimes find I am not as aware as I should be of my anger triggers. It seems I am just lost in the emotion at the time and afterward I realize how preventable the whole issue was. For me my triggers are also noise and being tired. A good night sleep is essential but I tend to be a night owl so its a constant battle! I know that when we have “good days” where things are peaceful the factor that makes it so is ME, and MY emotional state, not the kids’. Makes self care and self awareness so very important.
That is such a good idea to actually write down the triggers and identify them! I’m going you’ve this a shot. We’ve been parenting more consciously but I do tend to have those moments and it will be great to really find out what the actual trigger is and really fix it.
Good luck! I hope it works for you.