This morning was a rough one y’all. Really rough. It’s not even 10am and I’ve already yelled at my son twice. Not just little raising of the voice…it’s a “my throat now hurts” kind of yelling.
It all started when he spilled my hot coffee all over my computer that I bought only 2 months ago. Oh man. Anger doesn’t even begin to describe my feelings.
From there….it all went downhill. My patience for the day was spent and I turned into the frazzled, angry Mom that I don’t like to be.
Then, when I went to apologize to my son for yelling, he gives me a big slice of humble pie…like he usually does.
Me: J, I’m sorry I yelled….blah blah blah (I went through my normal spiel)
J: I don’t like it when you do that, you really scare me.
Me: Oh I don’t want to scare you, I was just really mad, but I still shouldn’t have yelled. I never want to scare you.
J: But you scare me a lot when you yell. It happens all the time!
Yet again….J’s words hit me hard. Man this kid can dish it out and make this Mama feel horrible. But really, he’s being honest and just speaking the truth.
His words really sting though, because I always swore that I would never parent through fear. I don’t want my children to act right because they fear their parents. I want them to act appropriately because they know how to make good decisions. Sure, there are consequences for bad decisions and lots of boundaries in our home, but they are not ruled by fear.
Well…I didn’t think they were.
His words have made me take a step back and really think. Is my house ruled by fear?
In all honesty, I know how to have a peaceful home, and it is peaceful a lot of the time. But, am I handling conflict and problems in a peaceful way?
It’s hard for me. I wasn’t raised in an especially peaceful home, so making a peaceful home for my kids doesn’t come naturally. I’ve taken the time to learn though, and I’m trying. I know the techniques. I know how to treat children in a peaceful way. I know how to do it. But, doing it consistently is hard.
When things are going well, I’m great! I’m a good mom, so patient, so kind.
But, when I’m not good, when my soul is not fulfilled, I fall back to bad habits, like yelling.
And lately, things have been a bit rough. I’ve been in a Mom Funk, we’ve all been sick, and this cold, snowy weather has been getting to me. So, you can say that I haven’t been at my best.
So, I’ve decided to do something big. Really big.
So big that I’m nervous about starting it and nervous about telling you about it. Because when I put it out there to you, I now have someone keeping me accountable, and I’m not sure I can do it.
Whew….here it is.
Starting today, I’m taking the challenge to not yell at my kids for a full year!
Part of this challenge is writing this post. Just putting it out there makes it real. It makes me accountable. So, I want you to all hold me accountable and help me stick to it.
It’s going to be tough though…and I’d like a little company. So, I’m challenging you too! Are you willing to join me and stop yelling at your kids? You don’t need to do a year like me, you can take the challenge for a week, a month, 6 months, it’s up to you.
I’ve made a Facebook group just for those of us willing to take the challenge. Together we can share our stories, provide support, and give each other the tools we need to stop the yelling!
As well as the group, I’ll be posting every Friday to let you know how the past week has gone. I’ll share with you the challenges, the successes, and the tools I’m using to not yell at my children.
What do you say? Are you willing to join me and stop yelling at your kids? Join the group here!
Wish me luck!
Click the pic to take the challenge!
wow! I wrote a little mini post about this very thing this week! Off to check out your facebook page about joining the challenge!
Off to read your post Kaz! I hope that you do join us!
How can I join group??
Every evening I tell myself to stop yelling. I don’t yell because I’m angry. My voice gets louder and louder each time I repeat myself until I finally find myself yelling again. It seems like they don’t hear me until I say it loud. Oh, well. We can only do our best. At least I’m trying.
Valerie @ Momma in Progress
One month into the deployment, and I’ve been okay so far, but I see things not being pretty as the months progress. I’m in! (Found you on SITS . . . hi! *waves*)
Ug! Deployments! Glad you found me…looking forward to going through this challenge with you.
I joined your FB page and will follow here. I am a mother and grandmother and have been where you are. I changed and mostly stopped yelling. I can’t exactly take your challenge since I do not currently have small children but I can offer support and advice if you want it!
Theres Just One Mommy
I actually gave up yelling at my kids for a year for my resolution last year. I wasn’t perfect, but I did start to notice a lot more when it happened, and I have to say it’s better. But I still have room to work on it!
I also grew up in a household with a yelling mother. As a mother now myself I’ve had to fight those demons. Here’s what I did/do, when I feel I’m just about to yell I clench my teeth together (yes, it looks weird!) but with you teeth clenched you can’t yell. So while doing they I would say what I needed to like that & then say go to your room now. Once I cooled down I would go talk to them as a much better mother. It’s a training tool, after a year of doing it I trained myself not to yell. I’m not perfect nor was I raised in a perfect home but I have rewrote my children’s future with no yelling in it! They are the most peaceful calm adults on everything!
Hi! I am just finishing up an awesome study titled “Unglued” by Lysa TerKeurst. It is awesome at helping women just like us who yell 🙂 It has really helped me to stop coming “unglued” at my children. I hope you check it out!
susan @ suddenlysusan.com
I don’t have kids yet, but I caught myself doing this with my students. And I thought – how dare I do this to them regularly when I don’t allow that type of response from them. It’s something I have to consciously think about on the regular to keep me from going over the top.
Hi, This is me lately…lots of reasons, mainly a very stressful couple of years including divorce, job being downsized, and being a single mother now. I tell myself every night that tomorrow is going to be a better day…this after guilt from the way most of our evenings go. My kids have a tendency to be overly dramatic about everything and every reaction is a throw myself to the floor or howl to the moon-regardless of what it is about-bedtime, coming home from neighbors house, having to face consequences of behavior, etc. I will be joining the challenge! Thanks!
Hi I was really interested in this challenge; but I don’t have Facebook. Is there a way to get the challenge via email? Thanks.
So grateful to have found this. This has been a prayer of mine for about a year. I yell. I hate it. My kids hate it. I hated it as a kid. I don’t want this to be my legacy – I want to be kind, gentle, yet firm, compassionate, loving etc. Thanks for being honest and open and sharing about this tough topic. I am excited to starting this.
I love the challenge idea! Yelling and parenting seem to go hand in hand sometimes. I remember the day when I finally realized that it was okay to correct and even punish my children without anger. I didn’t have to get angry in order to teach and guide them. Of course, depending on the crime, this is sometimes easier said than done.