It’s a normal Tuesday afternoon and I need to change clothes so I can go to the park with my boys. Yep, it’s 4:00pm and I’m still in my pajamas. Don’t judge…
I head to my closet to get dressed, and as I’m looking for a comfy shirt to wear, my fingers come across the shirt.
My heart starts to flutter and I think, “Oh man, I love this shirt.”
This magical teal colored shirt makes me feel fantastic and somehow look ten pounds skinnier. I adore this shirt.
It looks so sad, hanging there on its plastic, dusty hanger. I consider putting it on, but it’s way too fancy to wear to the park and I’d die a slow death if my kids touch it with their sticky, peanut butter covered hands.
Standing there looking at my shirt, I start mentally piecing together the perfect outfit…skinny jeans
Then an image flashed in my head of the last time I wore my shirt.
I was on a date with my husband. Happy memories of good food, laughter, and love flood my heart and tears start welling up in my eyes.
I miss my husband.
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I see him every day, he hasn’t gone anywhere. In fact, we sit on the couch together every night watching Netflix, computers perched on our laps.
What I miss is dating him. I miss uninterrupted conversations and having his full attention.
With a heavy heart, I hang back up my magic shirt, grab a clean t-shirt, sneakers
That’s when I knew I needed a date night.
You see…
I haven’t been on a date with my husband in over a year.
A year.
Here me out, we have a good excuse.
We were nomads for 6 months last year.
My husband’s job took him away from us for a few months, and as soon as he came home, we moved across the country. 3 months later, we moved again…to Alaska. Yep one cross country move followed by a month long drive across North America.
But now, we’ve been here for 6 months, and still no date night.
Hum.
I tried contacting a few babysitters, but none of them worked out. So I just stopped trying. It’s complete laziness, I know that.
I tell myself that I like sitting on my butt and watching Netflix with my husband. That sounds much better than putting on an actual pair of jeans and makeup.
I believed that, I really did, until I found that darn shirt.
Now I need more.
We used to date all the time.
Once a month, we’d call our favorite babysitters and plan a night out for just the two of us.
I’d put on a nice outfit, blow out my hair, put on a full face of makeup, and spend a lovely evening with my husband.
Most of the time we went to dinner and a movie, but sometimes we’d do something more adventurous like exploring local museums, cool bars, and restaurants.
I loved our date nights. They were fun and they helped us connect.
We’d laugh, hold hands, and he’d open the car door for me.
They reminded me of our pre-kid selves.
I felt loved and more than just a yoga-pants-wearing-Mom. I’d be with my man, and he could be with the woman he fell in love with, not the Mombie he gets after our boys are in bed.
(n.) Mom-be: part Mom part sleep-deprived zombie.
We’d talk, and have actual conversations without being interrupted by kids or accidently dozing off mid-sentence.
I’d drink wine that’s not from a box and eat a hot meal that I didn’t have to share with anyone.
Date nights rocked!
I guess when you get out of the habit of doing something, you forget how great it can be.
So, I’m ready to date my husband again.
I recently received the book, 175 Best Date Ideas, and I was super impressed by all the fun things!
It’s packed full of ideas to date your spouse. Some of them are fun date night ideas like bowling, bike rides, laser tag, and exploring bookstores.
Other ideas involve staying home and doing fun things after the kids are in bed.
My favorite is planning a backyard campout with just you and your husband. How fun would that be?
Armed with this book, I’m ready to start dating my husband again.
It’s time…
When’s the last time you dated your husband?
We don’t go on dates. Military takes him away often and we just prefer to spend the time we do have together as a family. We don’t like babysitters and we prefer not going out in public. We’re homebodies and it works for us.
Yes, the military takes my husband away a lot too and we do just fine without our date nights, I can’t say our marriage suffers because of it. But, we’re both better when we can get out and have some real one on one time. I’m not saying everyone has to have date nights, just sharing my experience. I’d say half of that book up there are saying in date nights that you can do together without having to go anywhere. There’s so many that I’d never considered before.
I’m actually going on an afternoon date with my hubby for shopping and lunch before he goes to California for two weeks.
We try to have date nights as much as we can. Sometimes my oldest son will keep an ear out for the two younger ones after they are asleep so the Hubster and I can go eat near by.
Hi Amanda!! I miss your sweet face and wonderful personality!! You were a great friend to me at My Sister’s House!!
Trying to juggle all these kids and their OT’s, Speech a therapies, ABA, and school games is tiring, so when the nights are ours we will snuggle close and have date nights watching some tv shows or a movie we wanted to watch. Or other fun things!
I think it is important to have those special times getting to know your spouse again. Especially when you are having a rough time with things.
I hope everyone who reads your blog and yourself have a wonderful weekend!! And good luck on all y’alls dates!! ???
Oh my gosh! A year is nothing, hon! It’s definitely been at least 2 for us! Our second baby was so much higher maintenance from day one that we simply didn’t enjoy going out on the very few occasions that we did because she woke so long and we were both worried about her the whole time we were gone. Now that she’s older we have other excuses for not leaving the girls with a babysitter – we mainly worry they will be scared if they wake and a near stranger comes to check on them. I know it’s silly, but for now it’s just easier to stay in as much as I miss going out. I have to admit it’s partly laziness, but the best way for us to get in dates is to both take the day off from work and then we get to spend a whole day together while the younger one is in daycare and the older one is in school. That’s falling by the wayside now too though as we both use all our vacation time to cover the school vacation times, but we’ll figure it out eventually!
I do love the idea of getting out more though! We haven’t been to a movie together in a very long time! 🙁
Date nights!!!! We promised each other we would still do them and 2.5 years later i had forgot all about them. Thank you for the nudge we needed! X
Yikes! I miss my husband too. Like you said we sit by each other in the house every night when the kids go to bed, but we don’t really talk to each other often. We always put not wanting to spend money over spending quality time with each other. Summer is upon us and I pray we can learn soon how important time just the two of us have will help our family too.
Last date night was last night. We rented a tandum bike and biked along the coastal trails. We talked about our roles as husband and wife and we had to communicate on that bike to keep us moving forward and upright! We packed a picnic lunch and biked to Point Woronzoff where we watched planes take off over the ocean and enjoyed the quiet of the tide moving in. It was wonderful. Date night is essential to us. We have 4 kids (2 teens, one elem and a baby), and we need time for us to reconnect and talk about things. I never held this to a high enough standard with my first marriage. I’m trying to keep this one. He plans every other week, and we have a date jar that if we are out of ideas, we can pull a stick for more ideas. It’s fun getting out and learning more about each other and creating memories together. I love date night!!
My husband and I haven’t been on a date night in nearly 7 years! Yes, SEVEN! We can’t afford to do so. With such a tight budget, after bills, home necessities, we only have a few dollars left.
How about a picnic near a river/beach/mountain…even a nice dinner in the backyard with candles
It’s been about that long for us as well. As close to a date as we have come was getting dressed up to go watch our eldest perform in a band show. Our kids are a high school senior and 8th grader now. The program was so great it felt like a date. I figure that’s as close as we’ll come for a long time. It is very saddening to be honest. Armed with sexy, but classy clothes hanging in the closet and $145 worth of Younique make up hubby let me buy.
I craft to make some extra cash of my own. He let’s me know his income is OURS.
The kids do grow fast and get lives of their own. I’m so bored and tired of sitting on the couch together while he games, we play on phones, watch a movie we both like, or he doses off. I see all my friends (we are still young) going on date nights and I am soo happy for them, but I am so lonely and sad it’s not us. I’ve mentioned a comedy club or restaurant with live music and he likes the idea but has never arranged it. Heck, I see my kid’s relationship with a wonderful boy and how they are and it makes my heart happy, yet yearn.
Now funds are tighter with his new job and less pay. The benefit is he’s home earlier though and I like that.
Been married over 17 years and I’ve just decided this is my lot in life. I am working on yoga and aromatherapy certifications at my own pace. That on top of crafts, gives me something to do.
Unfortunately, I’ve had to do soo much as in almost everything over these years, my health is suffering. I believe I’m suffering from adrenal fatigue and have been for years. At times getting on youtube to learn how to fix car parts. I don’t want to paint a bad pic of my husband because he works hard, says I love you, and supports my endeavors. I just need more of me and him.
Having regular date nights will not only benefit your marriage but it can be beneficial for your kids as well. Your kids watch you pursue, enjoy, and respect each other. You represent what a date is, who to date, and why you date (to focus on your relationship). This will stick with them as they begin to date and into their future marriage as well.
It’s been 14 months. I feel like we don’t know each other any more. And as much as I love him, it’s been so long, idk if I could do going on a date with him 🙁 idk how to be on a date anymore.
My husband only wants to go to the movies and do take out (occasionally) he’s not really open to going out to nice places or actually traveling. I really enjoy cruises, nice restaurants, theme parks, etc. but he is definitely a home body and doesn’t really make it a priority to date his wife.
The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 7:33 KJV “But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.”
A lot of men don’t really care about taking their wife on dates or wining and dining her because to be honest in my opinion they are showing how they feel about us. They may be more into themselves than they are into us. Trust your gut, but the best advice I can give you is to just focus as much on your life as you can. Lose those 25 pounds, read those books, travel on your own with friends, find a hobby, do you!! And if he can’t appreciate and fight to have a place in your life, than he is missing out on his blessing. Don’t let anything stop you from living your life. It’s too short. Don’t wait on him, just go and make the best of it.
Oh thank you so much for your thoughts, and yes I agree that we should be doing those things for our own self-care. My husband misses dating me too…it’s just not been a priority for either one of us lately.
My wife and I have had only 5 pre-planned husband:wife dates in 20 years. Sad but true.
Needless to say, this has become a BIG (fatal?) issue in our marriage as I see it as my wife being 100% kid (3) oriented and 0% husband:wife oriented.
My wife’s criteria to “go out” is either when they are safe at school during the day or save with me at night. She has not been comfortable with babysitters nor have our parents been there to help. Her summary excuse is “I couldn’t leave the kids”.
My communication (verbal, letters) with her on this topic are both denied and forgotten.
As the kids aged (all teens or older now), we did have “circumstantial” free time dinners when the kids friends/activities took them away from home and we found ourselves alone.
Amazingly “community face time events” (school foundations/charities) did “overcome” my wife’s reluctance to leave the kids but by my wife’s own admission these were not “dates” but instead opportunities to “socialize with friends”.
I feel my wife basically walked away from our husband:wife relationship and am massively hurt.
#SadButTrue
#Hurts
Very rarely. If I organise it, book the babysitter, remind him to leave work early, get everything done in the house first and all he has to do is turn up, then I might. This year for our anniversary (9 years) I told him I didn’t mind what we did as long as I didn’t have to arrange it. I ended up arranging the babysitter. He forgot to make the booking for the spa. We have nothing to do on our anniversary now and I’m resentful of the fact he can’t make one tiny arrangement and see it through. All he wants to do is go golfing with his friends, I don’t count anymore.
Date night??? What’s that? Been married 11 years and we “never have enough money”smh