Do you ever just feel like you’re sucking at this whole parenting thing?
Most of the time I feel like I’m doing a good job, but there are moments, lots of moments where I feel like I might as well give up and let my kids go feral.
I don’t. I love them too much for that. But the thought has crossed my mind.
This parenting gig is hard some days.
Recently, a blogger that a admire posted a very emotional video about how she was having a difficult time with parenting at the moment.
As she cried I felt hot tears running down my face. I know the worry, sadness, and overall inadequacy she must have felt. I know because I’ve felt them too.
In the video she says, “Parenting is hard because it’s important.”
Those 6 words punched me in the chest and sent shivers down my spine.
Parenting is hard because it’s important”
She nailed it.
No other job as important as raising kids. We are the one’s shaping the next generation.
That’s big y’all.
It’s so big in fact, that sometimes the weight is too much, and we crater.
Many times I lie awake, not able to sleep because parenting worries take over my brain.
Did I send them to the right school?
Did I help him handle that situation with his friend well enough?
Should I have followed up with that Dr. appointment?
What if there’s really something wrong. He seems okay, but you never know!
I yelled at them today and have completely ruined my relationship with them. I’m a terrible mother.
We all feel the pressure of parenthood.
I know there are moments you feel like you’re not doing enough for your children.
In those moments, it’s important to remember two things.
Children are Resilient
Most children are resilient. Small hiccups or mistakes won’t break them.
It’s important to remember that life is not always easy, and we all find ourselves difficult situations. ALL of us, even our kids.
As parents, we try to prevent our kids from being hurt, we don’t want them to struggle.
However, it’s impossible for us to protect them from all the injustices and stress in this world.
You know what? That’s okay. Learning happens during hard times.
It’s painful for us to see our kids feel pressure and stress. Nothing brings me to tears faster than when I feel like my kids are being hurt. It’s like my heart has a string that’s forever connected to them, an emotional barometer.
As much as we want to prevent our kids from struggles or pain, we can’t. It’s a losing battle, and that’s NOT our job.
It’s our job to teach resiliency.
We can’t prevent bad things from happening, but we can teach them how to handle stress with grace.
The most important thing kids need to grow resiliency, is love.
Love: unconditional, safe, love.
Children need to know there is an adult in their life who believes in them and loves them unconditionally.
You can be that person.
You already are that person.
You are their biggest advocate, their biggest supporter, their soft place to land.
Even if you feel like you’re failing, remember that you’re already giving them the most important thing they need…love.
Love wins, my friend.
We Worry Because We Love
The decisions we make for our children always come from a place of love, and your children will remember that.
Recently, the Today Show ran a piece about what children really remember about their parents.
In it, they discovered kids don’t remember every time we messed up. They remembered how safe they felt with us and the we treated them. They remember the way we made them feel.
“At the end of the day people won’t remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.” ― Maya Angelou
Yes, we will struggle with making the best decisions for our kids, and yes we will feel like we’re letting them down. But it will not break them.
Children are more resilient than that.
They will remember family traditions, when you spent time with them, and your words.
If our children struggle with a situation because we put them there, we can always, always apologize and try to make better decisions in the future. Have open conversations about the situation and take the time to help them feel safe.
Every situation, good and bad, are moments to learn. Hard times help mold our children into resilient adults who are capable of making good decisions.
So, in those times when parenting hurts remember, your kids are resilient and love always wins.
Love, love is all we need.