It’s a beautiful Friday afternoon. My boys and I are walking through a very crowded butterfly garden at our local Zoo.
I start feeling suffocated by the warm, humid air, and the overcrowded space. So, I tell my four year old to start heading to the door. He’s ahead of me and I’m pushing the stroller behind. We start to maneuver through the crowd trying to find our way out.
My son squeezes between a crowd of adults and he’s gone. I try to push through with the stroller, but no one is paying attention, I can’t get through. I can’t see my son.
My heart starts racing, I search the crowd for my little boy among the giant adults ahead of me. I’m panicked. I try to push my way through, I say pleasantries like “excuse me, can I get through?”, but no one is moving.
Tears start welling up and I start screaming his name. My screaming causes the crowd to break and I spot him.
He’s standing there, frozen, fear on his face. I rush up to him and he immediately starts crying as relief sets in.
I feel nothing but relief and heart crushing guilt. You see…
I never talked about what to do if he got lost in public. A total parent fail.
He didn’t have one of those emergency contact tattoos or sheet of paper in his pocket with my phone number.
I’m not sure he’d be able to tell anyone my name. He can sometimes remember my first name, but most of the time I’m just Mommy.
He has no idea who to talk to to ask for help, or where to go.
I totally failed at giving him the tools he would need if he was ever lost.
I used to safety plan with all of my clients when I was working as a therapist, so why didn’t it occur to me to do it with my own child? I guess I just got complacent and didn’t think about it. So silly…I know.
So I decided it was time for a little lesson. These are the steps that I went through to teach him what to do if he gets lost.
How to prepare your child for being lost.
- Freeze: If your child finds himself lost without his parent, teach him to freeze. Remind him that you will be looking for him so he needs to stay where he is.
- Find a helper: The best person for your child to look to for help is another mother with children. Police officers are not always around, but everywhere you turn, there’s a Mom with kids. And most mothers are more than willing to help out a lost child.
- What to say: When a child is lost, they are probably really scared and upset. So, it’s important that they know what to say to that kind mother that they’ve found. Teach them to say something simple like “I’m lost”, or “I can’t find my mommy”.
- Know the Info: It’s important that your child know names and phone numbers of his parents or caregivers. I like to teach this info in a song because it’s easier for a child to remember that way. It’s always good to have the info written down somewhere on your child just in case. Even if your child knows the info, they maybe too upset to remember it or tell the safe person. I linked to some great products and DIY solutions at the end of this post.
It’s seems pretty simple huh?
But this is not something you can just go over once and be done. This is something that children need to be reminded of.
I went over all 3 of these with my son on our way back from the Zoo that day, and we’ve discussed it a few times since. My plan is to remind him of these rules before we go to any public place where he could get lost.
Hopefully, he’ll never get lost, but if he does, I want him to be prepared.
What other tips do you have to help your children if they get lost?
Genius child I.D. products:
Cute Metal Necklace
Velcro Wrist Band – they have lots of other good products too!
DIY I.D. Cards
Kid Friendly Bead Bracelet
DIY Temporary Tatoo
Temporary Tatoo
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I think that I would be more panicked than my sons if they were ever separated from me like that. They are both just wonderful and have yet to meet a stranger, They want to be friends with everyone.
My Little is just over 1 year old. He is always within arm’s reach, but I have a luggage tag on his diaper bag, stroller, and toy of the day. It has his last name and the cell phone numbers of me and my husband.
My more adventurous 5 year old is generally 2 steps behind or in front of me, it depends if where we are is familiar for him. He sports ID-type jewelry. His necklace and bracelet are made of alphabet beads. The bracelet has just my cell phone number on it. His necklace has his last name and the cell numbers of both me and my husband. If he carries a bag or back-pack, it has a luggage tags as well.
Great tips, Thanks!
Really good ideas, Amanda! Definitely going to be doing this with our kids (now 3 and 2). Thanks for sharing!
You’re welcome!
Everywhere we go I have my kids point out people who work there. When we went onor first big baseball game I taught them to skip the line and go right to the front and tell the person selling food or beer or whatever that they’re lost. They’ve gotten great at telling who the workers are at various locations. My middle son has aphasia so whenever were out Jon public he’s either wearing a bracelet with my cell number on it or has an info card tucked into his pocket
Everywhere we go I have my kids point out people who work there. When we went onor first big baseball game I taught them to skip the line and go right to the front and tell the person selling food or beer or whatever that they’re lost. They’ve gotten great at telling who the workers are at various locations. My middle son has aphasia so whenever were out Jon public he’s either wearing a bracelet with my cell number on it or has an info card tucked into his pocket
Thank you so much, Amanda. My daughter is three in august and has severe speech delay but does sign language. The ideas you gave links to are perfect as if my daughter got lost she wouldn’t be able to tell someone verbally. Your tips are great too and I will use these with my children. The song idea is really good, best way for kids to recite something. Great post. Thank you.
I taught my son a song when he was little with his name, address and phone number. We used to sing it all the time in the car, so in the event that he needed it, he would have it memorized and ready to recite.
In addition to the tips above about teaching kids what to do (freeze, find a mom with kids), I also write my cell phone number on their tummies with a Sharpie if we are headed someplace with a crowd.
We use a person at a shop counter as an alternative if there are no mums and kids around. When my son was four he got separated from me at the mall and after a moment of worry and yelling out for me I saw him think to himself and then follow the protocol. I was very impressed.
I put a dollar coin in with his bus ticket and contact info so he could offer it to pay for a phone call.
I also take a phone shot of the kids before we leave the house so that I can show helpers exactly what they look like/are wearing. We identify a meeting point if lost such as the water fountain in the middle of the park. Definitely agree that mums with kids are the safest adults to ask for help.
We write my cell phone number on my son’s arm with a permanent sharpie. We tell him if he gets lost he can go to any adult (lets face it when he’s lost any adult will do) and ask them phone the number on his arm. Fortunately he’s never had to do it.
I remind them that if they see something they really want to look at, don’t run off, tell me & I will come look at it with them.
We practice looking for people who work in the shops we go to and point out where the tills are so they know who/where to ask for help.
If we go somewhere I know it will be crowded (e.g. The zoo) I take a photo of them when we arrive so I could be able to share if need be.
I’ve been drilling this stuff into my almost 4yo daughter’s head for the last year. She knows my phone number and what to say. One thing I would add is to tell them to look for someone wearing a name tag if they can’t find a mom with kids.
GREAT tips! We use the ID bracelets for our kids and always put a hotel business card in their pockets.
Another tip when traveling internationally is to make sure your cell phone works abroad so that kiddo can call the familiar number. Check with your phone carrier before you leave.
Thanks for the great tips!
Natalie, The Educational Tourist
I got little “business cards” printed at vista print, with all of our emergency contact numbers listed. The cards are tucked everywhere, in his backpack, pockets, taped to his car seat, stroller, everywhere. BUT I also write my cell phone number down in big print on his forearm anytime we are in large public places. It’s just a matter of time until I get a call. He’s only two and generally fearless, but we should start talking about what he should do if he can’t find me.
My “little” turns 26 in a couple of weeks, but I treated “losing Mom” differently. Having your child look for other mothers is a great idea, but way back when, stranger danger was everywhere. When you think about it, everyone is a stranger to a child, even police officers, so I tried something different. When Meagan was a little girl, we lived in a small town that had one small mall as its claim to fame, as well as being military base. So, whenever we went shopping, I would sit down and ask Meagan to pick out someone at random to ask what time it was; I left it up to her to choose who she felt she could talk to. When she came back with the time, I would ask her why she chose the person and how she felt talking to them. She would tell me that some people didn’t have nice eyes or just felt weird, and others felt like me and my friends. We learned that scary looking biker guys weren’t always scary, and that some smiling, attractive people (they’re all the good guys, right?), were most definitely not nice, and some kindly looking seniors (Grandmas & Grandpas) were horrible! What I taught her while in a small and safe environment (I was always within eyesight) was to learn to listen to her intuition. To this day she has a very heathy intuition, even turning down jobs because the manager felt off or hinky. It has also served her in her choice of boyfriends, learning very quickly who was really interested in her, or what he thought he would be able to get from her. So sorry, I did not mean to ramble on like this, but I was very taken by your post.
Pamela, I loved reading your comment! I want to start doing this with my kids. What a fabulous way to teach them!
I was very moved by your comment, Pamela. We cannot always trust the strangers around us, because stranger danger is everywhere or anyone. Having her trust in herself helps her in more then one way by having her base judgment on intuition. I am going to use this tactic on my little girl.
Great Idea Pamela. Thank you. Never thought of it like that. Will start trying it with my kids.
I’m a military spouse, so we travel and move often. My oldest is just over two, and we have another on the way. When we were stationed overseas and traveling our rule of thumb has always been to stay somehow attached to one of us. My husband would wear jeans often, and our daughter would have to hold onto one of his belt loops if we were out and about. Or if she was with me she had to hold onto a shoelace I tied around my wrist. We also had dog tags made for her (so she could match Daddy) that she wears around her neck with our last name and cell numbers. Thankfully, we never did lose sight of her or hold of her in any of the train stations or touristy places, but we still take as many precautions as possible. The dog tags were a HUGE hit as they were her necklace that she could show to someone, and they could, in turn, contact us. We had them made at one of the little kiosk style dog tags things outside of a Wal-Mart of all places, and she got to pick her necklace in the store to put them on.
Early in September there was a tragedy here in N.S.W Australia. A three-year old boy who had just arrived from the city to visit his grandmother on a bush block in a small country town, went missing and has not been found. He was playing in the garden. Within five minutes his absence was noticed and a search began. Within 20 minutes police and volunteers began searching. It is an area near thick bush. The police have not been able to rule out abduction but it was unlikely in this quiet street and no strangers had been seen. It got me thinking. What should we teach small kids to do if they get lost? I came up with STOP, LOOK, LISTEN and SHOUT. In October I’ll be posting about it on my website http://www.help4everyparent.com
I was told by a police officer not to write any of your child’s information on them. A predator could call their name, for example, if they saw it. Or even say something like “i can bring you to your mom, Kaitlin, she’s my friend” The best thing is to have them memorize your name, address and phone number. And if they are too young to remember just write your phone number. And nothing else.
I write my number on the back of their hands with a ball point or sharpie. Probably not best, but I always forget the tattoos and other stuff.
Thanks for the tips. Totally going to implement them tonight!
I always taught my children to stay in the last place they saw me and don’t move! When we’ll meaning people come and “take them somewhere safe” like the list and found area at the amusement park, can make it harder for me to find them and also confuse a child who is having to go with a stranger who may not be any safer than anyone else. I never have them out of my sight for long so chances are mom is just a minute or two away and the issue is quickly resolved but if they go with someone to another location it makes the whole thing more traumatic.
2. I always wrote my cell phone number imon the tag of whatever shirt the kids were wearing until they knew it off by heart. That way as soon as someone tries to help them they can simply say, “I need to stay right here but pleaee call my Mom on her cell phone and show them the tag.
3. As they get a bit older you can identify a “rendezvous point”, a place where everyone meets if they get separates. The snack bar or the fountain or the lifeguard station etc ideally it’s visible from everywhere and children can go and wait there and parents can head right over to look for them.
over here where I live in Asia this is a story about a little girl who was potentially being abducted. A man told her that her mummy had said she was to go with him. As quick as a flash she said to him… ” tell me the password then” Of course he couldn’t and she refused to go.
Her mummy had told her a secret word that if anyone else was ever to collect here they would have to say that special secret password, which she would have told them.
My son knows my mobile number but it is tricky when travelling overseas as the number is very country specific and wouldn’t work without knowing the country code.
Thank you so much for sharing this…for sharing my id tags…and for supporting safety for kids. Losing a child in a public place can be traumatizing for sure.
We have taught our children to look for police, etc and also to look for the mom with the most kids should they ever get lost.
We’ve also taught our kids to ask for the ‘password’ should someone tell them to come with them when they are on the playground or at school. It’s just too easy for someone to walk away with a child. Ours happens to be a specific Bible verse.
Once while in Disney, I witnessed the following: a parent lost their child and began shouting… “help, where is my child” The parent was so panicked that it took several minutes to calm enough to share the child’s name and what the child was wearing…. About 15 minutes later, the child was found…. wearing NOT what the parent described. The parent was in such a panic – they gave incorrect information… Moral of the story: Taking a photo before entering a busy, crowded place, is EXCELLENT advice!
I used to just write my mobile on their arm with texta pen
When we went to Disney world my son was 18months and my daughter was going to be turning 4. I had a fear that they would get separated, because of large crowds. But I went to our local pet store and made a name tag with one of those machines and did the smallest one I could find and put there first name and last name on the front and my phone number on the back and attached it to there shoelace. ( the first one when you start lacing a shoe and it just goes across). Luckily we never had to use them but it certainly gave me piece of mind that they had something to identify themselves with and a way to reach me.