It’s 8:30pm, and I’m exhausted.
I just went through the bedtime routine with my two boys. Kisses and hugs, lots of “I love you’s” and “I need to go now, good night”.
I sit on my couch, aching feet, tired eyes, mushy brain, and full heart. My kids have run me through the wringer today.
It’s Saturday, but it might as well be Tuesday because every day feels like groundhog day right now. Just the same thing every. single. day.
There’s no one to pass the torch onto. No one to back me up. No one to give me relief from the constant noise and requests.
You see, I’m solo parenting.
My husband is gone for a few months and I’m doing this parenting thing on my own.
Since my husband is in the military, I don’t live near family and don’t have a large, local support system of family and friends. Often times, I feel very alone when he’s gone.
Part of me wants to crater, fall apart, sink down in the hardship of taking care of two boys on my own, without reprieve, and who would blame me? But instead, I choose to embrace it, “lean in”, and enjoy this time on my own.
Someone recently asked me “how do you do it? It seems so hard.” She then went onto say that her husband does so much and she can’t imagine not having him there to help.
I sigh and say, “Oh mine too, and it can be hard when he’s not here, but what other choice do I have? You just HAVE to do it”.
I was talking to my mother about this recently and she said, “oh honey, you do have other choices, they just aren’t choices you’re choosing. You could choose to be miserable. You could choose to fall apart and feel bad about your current life choices. And some people do make that choice.”
She’s right, and I have made those choices in the past. They are easy choices to make. It’s easy to just buckle down and survive the days without really enjoying this time with my kids. It’s easy to get angry at my husband and feel frustrated at my life.
But I want something different, I don’t want to just survive when I’m solo parenting, I want to THRIVE!
Here’s a few things I do and think about when I’m solo parenting
It’s Hard On The Kids Too
I miss my husband and I have moments when I am sad and frustrated.
My kids also miss their Daddy and they feel the difference in me and the current structure of our family. At the beginning there were moments when they, like me, didn’t handle life very well and we’d all fall apart.
I knew that things would adjust and that we’ll find our new normal without Daddy being home, and we did.
I had to stop daily and remind myself that this too shall pass and that I needed to look beyond my children’s anger and sadness and see hurting little boys who needs me to be kind and understanding.
But, in the same breath, I have to be kind and understanding of myself too.
Be Kind To Myself
Most of the time, we are thriving and my boys and I are having fun and coping, but there are still tough moments.
There are moments when I’m so tired and I can’t muster up the patience for my children. There are moments when all I need are a few minutes of quiet without someone using me as a jungle gym.
Moments.
Moments where I yell.
Life is just tough right now so I’m not always at my best.
I choose to not dwell on those moments though, but to learn from them. I will not take up residence and live in my guilt, I will move on.
We all need a little grace these days, including myself.
Be Kind To My Husband
This is one of the most difficult lessons I have learned over my 10 year marriage to man who gets to travel the world without me.
I have to remind myself that my husband is working while he is away. Yes, he is usually in the middle east, but not always. There are times when he’s been in Hawaii or in some far off exotic land (like South Africa, Malta, or Belgium). It’s hard, oh so hard when your husband is seeing all these great places and I’m stuck at home.
But, he’s not on vacation. He is working. He did not choose to go, or where he would go, it’s just part of his job. The job that he loves that financially supports our family so that I can stay home and do the job that I love.
I have had times when I wanted to resent him for leaving me with all the chaos while he gets to jet off somewhere else.
He gets to go out to eat without wrangling children, sleep through the night in a hotel room without being woken up at all hours of the night. While I’m here having sleepless nights and doing all the work.
It’s easy to get stuck in the mind frame that “he’s off doing whatever he wants while I’m stuck here doing it ALL”.
This can be terrible for a marriage and can cause such resentment and anger.
Reminding myself that he is working and misses me like crazy too, helps to keep my jealousy from rearing it’s ugly head.
I know that my husband would much rather be in his own bed instead of a hotel, spending time with his wife and kids instead of coworkers.
I know that he’d rather be here for the birthday parties, preschool graduations, and the daily hugs and kisses.
This quote from a reader sums it up nicely: “When it’s gets hard I remember HE is away from me and the kids missing out on all the little (and sometimes big things), so I really have it easy…”
Make Housework and Dinnertime Easier
A friend of mine, who’s husband went away before mine did, told me that she planned on cooking the same thing pretty much every week while he was away.
I thought to myself “no way!” that’s boring and I’m not a fan of only cooking kid friendly foods.
Here I am, a few months into this and I’m cooking the same foods every week.
Friends, it’s just not wort the battle.
When my husband is home, I love preparing meals that the two of us like and then making sure that there’s a few things on the plate that my kids will for sure eat, in case they don’t like it. But now that he’s gone, there’s no way I’m cooking a big meal that I’m not sure my kids will eat. It’s just not worth the effort or the battle.
I have taken a similar philosophy on housework.
I am usually the type of person that folds and puts away laundry straight out of the dryer. My kitchen is clean before I go to bed. I like a clean house and work to keep it that way.
Well…that doesn’t always happen when I’m on my own.
There’s clutter on my counters, crumbs on my floor, and laundry sitting in the dryer for days.
Yes, it bothers me. But sometimes I can only do so much.
Every few days I go through and clear the clutter and wipe everything down, but I don’t bother doing it every day.
And you know what? That’s okay. There’s no one else here who cares about the messy house, but me.
Sitting down after a long day with a glass of wine, has to take priority sometimes.
Get Help With The Kids
One of the hardest parts of solo parenting is the sheer lack of alone time. Since I stay at home, I always have my kids with me. Always.
Because of that, self-care is harder. There are no pedicures, no haircuts, no girls nights, no shopping, no just doing nothing. Everything involves the kids.
Being in constant parenting mode without any breaks can wear down the strongest Mama.
Over the years, I’ve found different ways to find that much needed alone time that give me a break from the consistent parenting.
The best thing I have ever done was share babysitting duties with my friends. One week I watched her children for a morning, and the next week she watched mine. We both got a few hours to ourselves every other week. It’s free and it’s a lifesaver!
I’ve hired a sweet girl in the neighborhood to hang out with my kids and be my Mother’s Helper. She came over a few times a week and plays with my boys so I can get some stuff done around the house. I’m there in case anything happens, but they aren’t running to me every time they need something. They love her, and so do I.
I use a service at my church called Parent’s Morning Out. I sign my kids up one or two mornings during the week and they get to spend 3 hours in the care of the church nursery staff. I get to run errands, eat chocolate, and do whatever I want during those few hours, and my kids get to play and learn. win-win. Look around at your local churches and see if they have a similar program.
There are also drop-in daycares that are similar to my church program, but aren’t affiliated with a church. My sister-in-law uses one and she says it’s a lifesaver.
I found a good babysitter. My book club meets once a month and I love it. It’s the only guaranteed time when I get to sit with a glass of wine, no kids, and chat with my friends. I didn’t want to miss it. So, I found a babysitter to stay with my boys so I could go. It’s the best money I think I’ve spent while solo parenting.
Keep Routines but Add Something Special
Routines are important while solo parenting. They keep things working smoothly.
But when I’m solo parenting, I love to add in some special things to the mix.
Saturday’s become pure fun days. It’s no work, all play. Every Tuesday we have Taco Tuesday and we go out to eat on Sundays.
I’ve also started allowing my 5 year old to crawl into bed with me in the middle of the night.
We’ve never been co-sleepers and this is the first time in his life that he’s asked or been allowed to come in our bed.
He knows that once Dad is home, it’s no longer allowed, but for now, we’re both enjoying it.
A Few More Tips
I asked on my Facebook page about how other parents survive while solo parenting and there were so many great tips.
- My husband is also in the military and used to travel a lot for work. I didn’t have any friends nearby and my biggest problem was feeling isolated. If he was gone for several weeks I would make sure we took lots of outings, to story time at the library, to the park, to a museum, walks around downtown, etc. Just being out of the house and staying busy really helped pass the time without feeling like we were just waiting for him to come home. Also, extra long bath time for the kids and a glass of wine for you after they’re in bed always helps.
- Face Timing really saves us, when hubby is working out of town! Even just a few minutes of seeing Daddy’s face makes her happy!
Even so, we have good days and bad days…but it always feels like the bad days drag on FOREVER!!! - Stick to your schedule. Bedtime is bedtime! That way he knows when to call or face time… or be ready to anyway. Get a list of shows ready that you’ve been dying to see!
- Have fun dinners! My husband isn’t into breakfast for dinner. So when he’s gone we do that one night.
- Peanut butter and jelly for dinner.
- Plan fun things to do with the kids to keep busy! They will love the special time with mom! (As much as they will miss their Dad) And don’t be afraid to ask for help! Maybe invite friends or family over for dinner or a movie night so you won’t feel lonely when the kiddos go to bed!
- One of my biggest struggles is the 5-8 time when I am trying to make dinner and get kids ready for bed, and into bed. So, in the past I have moved our main meal to the afternoon, 1-2 ish. Then we clean up and play, start baths and do bedtime.
- Have him replace all the fire alarm batteries before he goes so you don’t have to wake up at 1am when it’s going off and not be able to reach it, even with the ladder. That was our night last night… scared me to death and I felt so helpless.
- Menu planning, accepting you can’t do it all yourself, accepting help and not being too proud!
- We have a routine and stick to it. I have also found that we get so into our routines without dad home, that when he does come home we have to adjust back, which can also be as hard as adjusting to when he is gone.
So tell me, how do you cope? Anything that I’ve missed?
DISCLAIMER: Before you send me hate mail about my term “solo parenting”, please know that I use it not to be the same as single parenting, and I am not discounting all the hard work that single parents do. I was raised by a single mom and I know that my experience is not the same as single parenting. Please remember that we all have struggles and I support all parents, no matter how they parent or what their life circumstances are. I do not allow any sort of judgment towards other parents on this blog, so if you leave a comment, please be respectful. Please read my follow up post about this. My Life Is Harder Than Yours, Get Over It!
Love, love, LOVE this post! So many great options for spouses to find something that works for them. I know my readers will love this. I can’t wait to share it!
Thank you for this post. I just got around to reading it after a very long day alone with the kids. Our family is in the middle of a distance move (2 hours from current house), so I am single mom-ing with a house for sale. Your post is reassuring that my instinctive choices aren’t going to damage my kiddos. Hang in there on your journey. Thank you so much.
I needed this post. I have a 5 year old boy and two month old girl and my husband is gone again, the military calls him away a lot. I’m struggling not to yell at my boy, he’s pushing every boundary right now. I’m tired and nights are the worst, but this to shall pass like you said. I really want to thrive instead of just survive, we’re only 13 days into this so I have to remind myself we’re still adjusting. One thing I would add is PRAY. Pray with your kids, pray when you want to yell, just keep praying.
Great advice.
I found this article at just the right time. My husband will be leaving for work for several months, leaving me at home with a 3 and 1 year old. Thank you very much for this, and hopefully we’ll be able to thrive as well, and not just survive
Loved that “Thrive, not just survive”. I’ve never thought of it like that before – thanks for the new perspective!
– Part-time single/solo mom to a nearly 4 year old and a {very} challenging 1 year old whose husband travels overseas for 5 months at a time. 😉
My heart goes out to you because I know exactly how hard “sometimes single” parenting can be! So glad to see you are doing what it takes to take care of you in the meantime – that is the best thing you can do for you AND your kids! Hugs!
Oh thanks Sybil!
Wow I needed to read this today. My husband is out of town pretty much half a week every week every month. He’s currently preparing for a big project so we are lucky if we get to see him for an hour in a week. It’s been like this since my second son was born. I get bogged down. I went from never having yelled to becoming a “yeller” and each day I try to be mindful not to do it. I am currently working on reminding myself to be cheerful and upbeat around the boys so that my stress won’t stress them out. Thank you. It’s nice to read that my journey is being lived in parallel lives all over the world and that I’m not alone in my daily struggles.
“Being in constant parenting mode without any breaks can wear down the strongest Mama.”
I needed to hear this today. Just the above statement alone made feel so much better.
Me too.
How I needed to read this tonight of all nights! What an amazing blog post to pop up in my FB feed – I swear I read this with my mouth open wide in shock. What you wrote in this post describes my day-to-day life while my hubs is out of the country. He deploys to Iraq and other unsafe areas for 5 months at a time, home for 2 months. He is gone 8 months out of the year. He recently went back to this position and so this is my first month in several years. Last time, I only had 1 child who was a baby and too young to understand anything. This time around that same child is now almost 4 years old and I also have a 1 year old daughter who is a particularly challenging child already. My life is so accurately described in your post that it caught me off guard. I almost wondered if “I” wrote it!! haha.. Thank you for posting this so I could share this with friends and family who do not fully understand what it is like to be a part-time single mom ( or a solo parent as you call it ). It’s so nice to know I’m not alone and the hardships and down times I experience are also shared by other fellow mommas out there who get it.
I had a conversation one day with a friend about the choices we have and how we don’t always notice we have them when it feels like we don’t. I have looked at every situation with that conversation at the back of my mind because I could make the “unpopular” choice, or the “shocking” choice instead. Every choice that is made while solo parenting does take some extra effort because it’s our choices that keep us afloat, or not, and it’s our choices that can reveal who we really are!
For 8 years, my husband was working away 90% of the time. It was hard, but he has traveled our whole marriage so it wasn’t something totally unheard of for us. I was lucky to have my parents nearby, but I also learned to get into a routine with the kids and go on with life rather than wait to do the good stuff when he was home. I, too, had friends say “That must be so hard”, but, by then, it really wasn’t because it was just my life.
Now, the kids are growing up, and it’s easier when he is on an extended trip because they all pitch in (we no longer live near family). I’m sure some folks think it must be “terrible” for us, but it isn’t. We love having him here, but when he is gone I make life easy. We eat out more often, we get out and go to the forest preserve, the pool, a museum. The days pass and he is back home…and we have things to tell him about our time while he was gone.
I loved this post! I think sometimes it is the change to solo parenting that is hardest on me, developing the new routines. Transitioning myself and the kids to the “new normal” takes time, thought and effort. The emotional stuff of worry for your spouse and both you and the kids missing him just add to the difficulty of the change. I found that the longer he was gone the easier the routine got, and the emotional missing him got worse. It helped to do fun fieldtrips, as someone suggested earlier. Spending time outdoors, doing nothing (or playing) helped everyone’s mood and kept the house cleaner. I tried to do it an hour each day.
Ah just found this blog after another long time of traveling for my Husband, seriously was so nice to hear that I’m not the only one who struggles with remembering to be kind to him while he is away! I’m keeping this post in my favorites so I can come back and read whenever I need it! Especially since he has been gone more of this pregnancy than with my first.
Thankyou thankyou thankyou..i’ve been feeling miserable. My husband at home now but i feel it just the same and sometimes worse cause i have someone to argue to and blame to. But its me, i just get use to be alone and i hate it. I hate also that i’ve been not nice to him and always blame him. I can’t imagine being away more than 3weeks from him.
I know WE ARE STRONG mammas!
We are STRONG!! It’s so hard not to feel a bit resentful…I totally get that.
Hi, loved the article in every way, my husband’s work requires him to travel half the month and the other half he’s always late and rarely sees the kids before bedtime. It’s not easy at all, the kids sense the difference in the atmosphere. The only way I comfort myself is by having a social life, mostly with friends who have children so that my kids have fun too. I live in another country so my parents are not near. You have to make a life for urself and it’s a daily struggle. I just keep praying for strength and patience everyday, and that I stay mentally balanced:) good luck to all mums, Ur doing an amazing job whichever way u do it!
Good luck, Mama!
As a single parent the best parenting lesson I have learned is to take care of yourself. Give yourself time off so you can come back refreshed to care for your kids. If a babysitter isn’t in the budget, try blocking out two hours a week with a friend…one hour she goes to the grocery store kid-free and the other hour she watches the kids and you go to the grocery store. I’ve found a lot of inspiration in “Raising Happiness: 10 simple steps for more joyful kids and happier parents” by Christine Carter.
Wow love this post! Just what i needw to read today…It mirrors my life so perfectly and it’s nice to know I’m not alone. Thank you, Amanda, for sending this to me!
Hey. Love the tips. My husband also works in the army. Not much travelling abroad but he’s at work for 24 hours at a time. We actually live in Malta. Your husband might have worked with mine on his travels here 🙂
When a deployment looms, it is such a dynamic situation-we can choose to wish it away, or embrace the time to let it strengthen us. I just completed a 6 1/2 month deployment with 4 kids, and I enjoyed the time I had to build my blog and business, relax with a glass of wine and movie any night I wanted, and the tight bond I have continued to forge with my kids. No one can ever take that away. It is the upside-the thriving-that can happen during the times when a parent is away. Your post is such a great reminder to the new military wives, seasoned spouses and women whose husbands travel for work that we get to choose our mindset and how we react to our challenges. Love this!
Wow what a great post. I so needed this right now. Hubby got a new work schedule and will be going out of town for 6 months soon. This post just validated all my feelings that I had and of course felt guilty about. It is so nice to see I am not the only one. I love all the tips too!
Thank you for sharing this! So needed to know I’m not the only one feeling this way. My boy is 1 so it has been a steep learning curve this firat year. My husband has been away for 8 months and we finally will be reunited in a few more weeks and this read seriously helped with the final push to keep going!
“It’s an odd feeling, farewell. There is such envy in it. Men go off to be tested, for courage. And if we’re tested at all, it’s for patience, for doing without, for how well we can endure loneliness.”— Karen Blixen from OUT OF AFRICA
Great post. Not just for solo parents to read but everyone should read it. I have a daughter who is a military spouse living for away from mom. We do not say thank you enough to the spouses and families of our military for the sacrifices they make too.
Thank you!
I love everything about this and agree with every single one of these points. It’s like you are in my head and in my life. I especially love the part about accepting how hard it is for him too. They are not on a holiday – they are working to support us.
Today is our youngest’s 4th birthday. He’s missing it, plus father’s day and our eldest’s birthday all in the space of a month. But it had to be this month, we don’t get to choose.
Solo parenting is something I’ve done on and off since my eldest was born. It’s not something you ever get used to, but it is something that I have accepted. People who don’t do this, don’t really get it, despite what they may say.
And solo parenting is NOT single-parenting. We are allowed to embrace the term. It’s not a competition about who has it harder, it’s different.
Bonding over the miles – I live in South Africa.
I am laying here in bed with my sixand one year old while we are in our almost empty former home for seven weeks while my husband is in South Africa where we are posted for his job. I solo parent a lot for anywhere from weeks to months. Great advice. I can’t think of too many additional points other than to remember the transition to having dad back can be a big one for everyone and requires love and patience as everyone adjusts – you, dad and kids. You wouldn’t think that might be hard but when you’ve gotten into a groove doing life on your own it can be hard to rework things to fit them back in. My kids sometimes “punish” dad for having been away, like being bratty or defiant. And of course dad feels guilty so he may overindulge them, or feel like he needs to “parent” because he hast been there. It’s just an often overlooked difficulty – but if you know it might be hard rather than asking for granted it will be easy to have dad back you can overcome potential pitfalls.
Something it took me a while to learn is to EXPECT it to take as long to adjust to him being home as he was gone. The readjustment period can be so hard, since you’re both just wanting to be back to normal so badly. Realizing that normal is that he’s used to being alone, having his time his own, even while longing to be back with you. Normal is the kids looking to you, not him, to be the comforter, and the discipliner. It’s rough on you, your husband, AND on the kids at times. Knowing it’s all normal, and ok, and just what you need to go through can help in the adjustment. And talking about your expectations versus reality really helps too. Getting it on the table makes it something you share as you work to find the NEW normal!
I can totally relate to this. But I often cook big batches of meals for my children and try to keep the house clean and laundry needs to be immediately put away. You just feel good to be in a clean home! My children eats a lot and I try to cook their favorite meals. This avoid endless snacking of empty calories. For laundry, I don’t like wrinkly clothes so putting them away immediately saves time and there’s less clutter to look at. I’ve learned to be happy independent of my husband and also enjoy his company when he’s around. I did hear from a friend that her son had become very angry because of his father’s lack of presence in his life. I haven’t seen it happen to my children and I hope I never do.
Why isn’t this relevant to single mums. It’s a shame you want to disclude us as all of the issues you raised we struggle with too.
Wow! I’m sorry you took offense to this, I usually get nasty comments from single parents who get mad at me for sharing my experiences of parenting alone even though I am married. Guess I can’t win either way, huh? Being raised by a single parent myself, I believe there is a huge difference between sometimes-solo parents and single parents and it’s not appropriate (IMHO) to include them together in the same post. The intent of this post is to help, not divide. I can’t speak for single parents, all I can do is share my experience as a Mom who often parents alone and how I’ve learned how to thrive when my husband is gone.
The truth is, we are all trying to do the best we can in the situations we’re in. There’s no need to shame one another for that.
As a teacher of writing, you always have a particular audience you are writing to, and in this case it’s to solo parents which relates to the author’s personal experiences. The best type of writing is writing about what you know.
Also, I think anyone can get value out of anything if they reflect on the message of the content and try to relate it to their own lives.
Thank you for providing me with an opportunity to reflect by writing this for us experiencing solo parenting, and I hope it benefits parents looking for some great momma support as well!
Thank you for this article. After a very hard, long day of solo parenting this article has been encouraging. It’s nice to hear from others in the same situation.
Attitude is everything! Solo parenting with a six month old and two pups has definitely been manageable, but the tough part comes when you don’t have your significant other to pass off the responsibilities to-feed the dogs and baby, change a diaper, or take out the trash.
My attitude has remained upbeat because I talk to my precious baby like a little equal-share with him about what we are going to do for the day and ask him how he’s feeling. I even include the dogs, by giving them extra hugs and letting them help me feel better with a cuddle.
I have also utilized the free 16 hours a month of hourly care! I not only use it to cover for my work, but doctor appointments and me time!
Also, start new hobbies and exercise your mind and body! Most importantly, stay goal oriented to make the best of each day.
I couldn’t stop crying reading this. It sounded like you were telling my story. My husband is in Afghanistan most of the year, every year. It’s what he does.. he has a dangerous job which gets added to all of the many challenges you mention that I think about on a daily basis. I too have zero support system within a five hr radius but am hoping I will start trying to better my situation here soon and thrive. Currently I am struggling to dig myself out of a downward spiraling thought process and that is how I stumbled upon your encouraging post so thank you. I’m trying so hard not to cave in and resent him. He’s a great man and he deserves everything.
I guess I would consider myself a solo parent. My partner and I have been together for 10yrs. We had a daughter together. He developed treatment resistant schizophrenia. He can not take care of himself and he can not take care of our daughter. We live apart and his Mom takes care of him while o take care of our daughter. Even when he is here though he’s not here and I’m not sure he ever will be again. It is incredibly lonely and draining.
I really needed to read this today. My husband took a job about 4 months ago where he works out of town Monday-Friday and we have 4 children ranging in ages 12 to 1 and it’s been a really tough adjustment for me especially now that my older children are so involved in school sports. My oldest son plays basketball and is on a swim team and we basically run from event to event and practice until about 8 at night and I feel like I’m hanging on by a thread. I just told my husband last night that we need to look into hiring a sitter we trust to come sit the younger two while I have some time to myself or need to just go run errands. And to add to the stress we were in the middle of some pretty big home renovations when my husband took this job so they are all just sitting half finished. Any advice on how to cope with having children who are at such different points and needing very different things from me, would be much appreciated. I also don’t live near any family except my husband’s parents who can’t be of any help at this time. Thanks!
Such a great post! This is my life to a tee. I’ve now added grad school to my plate and it has really been a struggle when the hubby is gone. I hadn’t thought of a Mother’s Helper, but it sounds like just what I need! This feels like such a lonely job, so it’s nice to be reminded that there are others who share our struggles.
This is a great article but the comments? Wow. I have to say to all the SOLO Moms -did you choose to take this journey on your own? If so – then it was your choice. My husband recently moved for 6 months to another city. We see him every other weekend. My daughter grew up for 7 years with a Dad who is around all the time and now he is not. It is a big adjustment and it makes her sad. I chose parenting with a partner and now he is gone and it is tough. I chose that because I didn’t feel I would be able to handle it on my own. Kudos to those of you who chose to do it alone. I think you are brave and strong. But you are not entitled and you cannot judge someone else who has a tougher time with a change that they did not choose. I find writing super easy but some people find it really hard. Does that mean I can judge them? No. If you’ve made the choice to single parent you don’t get the right to shit on someone who didn’t make that choice and all of a sudden find themselves in that situation. For the author – thank you for this article. It has been very helpful during a very tough time.
I just cried and giggled! I’m newly an Army wife and hubby has been away since Easter! Reading this made me feel like I’m not alone and the struggles are real we have a beautiful daughter, she’s 6 and sassy!!! Sometimes I tell and get frustrated…. And feel guilty for being mean. But I have to remember this is her first time without daddy around. We’ve been together 15 years and when we are newly weds we were away from each other for two months when I was on tour (dance tour… Not off being a hero in the military)… But this is going on 4 months and he’ll be home in 19 days! I can count my blessings that’s he’s only National Guard but he’s in it for 6 years. I miss him so much and glad we talk to him more. I found this post and glad I did! Thank you.
This is such a great post! Thank you! We visited my fiancé’s family in Guatemala for 2 weeks. Me and my daughters (14 & 8) are coming back home to the US but he’s staying to spend time with his ailing parents and get some work done. Not sure how many months he’ll be gone and it’s very difficult! We’ve been together for 5 years (each lived through prior 20 year marriages)! Finding each other was a miracle and we’ve never been happier. But this indefinite separation is very stressful and upsetting to my daughters as well.
You’ve offered up some great tips and for that I am thankful!
Love to read it…feeling happy to realise that some other solo mothers think just like me…i am a mother of 9 yrs old girl and a 2yrs old pet labrador….my husband gets vacation after 6months from his job…i think that single parenting and solo parenting are quite different from each other..in single parenting its more tough to handle all the things alone…there is nobody to give you any advice ,to support you mentally or financially…on other way you are the main leader in your life and family…more stronger than us…but in solo parenting we always miss sombody…we know sombody is there to hug us…to protect us…to support us..but when the time comes we donot get the touch and try to feel ourselves ‘yes’..i can manage all the things alone…keep aside our emtional feelings …after finising all household work at night i feel tired…want to talk to my husband…but again console myself..’yes’..i can do it… the morning sun rises and my daily routine starts …i donot forget to countdown the date of his arrival…
You should not call this solo parenting. Solo parenting is when your child’s father does not exist. Solo parenting is when you are completely alone. As in my case, my husband is dead. My kids have no father to talk about that he’s off at work or off serving the country. I understand that when your husband is away you need help and advice on how to survive, but this is NOT solo parenting. A slap in the face for us widows who are really solo parenting. Call it something different. PLEASE.
Oh goodness, I’m sorry I offended you. You’re right, our two experiences are very different and I would never try to compare my experience with yours. Like I mentioned in this post, I’m calling it solo parenting to not offend single parents. I understand that it’s completely different and I did try to not be offensive.