I challenged myself almost a year ago, to stop yelling at my children.
Since then, I’ve been a bit focused on yelling stuff on the internet. Hey, I’m always looking for some great tools to put in my parenting toolbox.
I’ve noticed a theme of 5 categories that everyone preaches about when it comes to yelling. So, I took those and put together an Ultimate Guide that can help you stop yelling for good!
Physical Reminders
Physical reminders are great, because they are things that you can touch and see that help you to remember to calm down in the moment of anger. There are a billion ways of using them.
You can post yellow hearts, like I did. You can use them as a family as a signal to each other that one person is getting angry. Or even as a time-out spot where a family member can take a minute to calm down. But my favorite physical reminder uses your cell phone to remind you to stay calm during that time of day when anger is more likely to bubble up.
Staying Calm In the Moment
One of the things I hear the most is, “how do I stay calm in the moment?” or “I’m fine, then I just explode!”. It’s hard to stay calm when you’re angry. There’s an entire toolbox to stay calm, but sometimes we don’t do those things and so we explode.
The truth is, we need to recognize when we are feeling irritated, before we actually get angry, and start calming down then. When I’m starting to get irritated, I stop what I am doing and go do something else. Sometimes that’s taking a break from my kids and heading to the bathroom for some alone time. Sometimes that’s stopping my adult work (like checking my email on my phone) and going to the playroom to connect and play with my kids.
I stop, and do something else. I often times say a good calm down mantra while I’m doing it too…it helps me refocus and stay calm.
Other Ways of Approaching Children
Sometimes we need some great tips to use when we are in the moment to get our kids to listen without yelling.
Instead of yelling across the room, try getting closer. Instead of raising your voice above your child’s try whispering. It’s amazing what happens when you do something unexpected and approach children in a different way.
Realizing that It’s NOT the Kids
So many times, it’s not the child that’s really causing us to yell, it’s everything else going on with us. When we, as parents, get stressed, overwhelmed, or over-scheduled, we are quick to snap.
For me, one reason I yell is because I get overloaded with sound and touch, or I’m thinking about something else and keep getting interrupted.
The hardest thing for me to come to terms with was realizing that my kids are usually just being kids, and that there’s a list of reasons why I’m still yelling that have nothing to do with my children’s behavior. I just take it out on them. <–Go me. *sarcasm*
Make a Plan
I’m a planner by nature and I like having goals and plans to achieve my goals. The good thing is that there are a all types of stop yelling plans out there.
I’ve shared this 21 Days To Stop Yelling before and it’s awesome. And Dr. Markham from Aha! Parenting has a great plan to stop the yelling.
And probably the best way to stop yelling is to really figure out your specific triggers and calm down methods that work for you. Taking a stop yelling eCourse and reading a great stop yelling book
I hope that with these tools, you now have everything you need to stop the yelling!
Amanda
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Amanda, Thanks so much for including my cell phone tip!
You’re welcome, it’s one of my favorite tips!
Just wondering where the picture of the little girl came from. She is identical to my sister when she was a child.
Interesting! It is a purchased stock photo from Dollar Photo Club. Maybe your sister has a doppelganger!
How do I get my 9 year old to stop yelling at me? He constantly loses his temper at everyone and then blames everyone else in the house saying that we instigated his tantrum. UGH! He’s SO disrespectful to me and his brother and father! I’m at the end of my rope please help!
Im the kind of person who doesnt like making messes. It does something to me, i only keep thinking about how im going to clean up. So for me the biggest trigger is when my son spills or makes a mess and doesnt clean up. Im trying actively to stop getting angry but its taking its time.
Any tricks?