3 months…that’s all folks. 3 months and the newest little one will be here. This pregnancy has flown by and it’s only going to go by faster with the holidays coming up. Let me tell you, I’m not ready yet. Sure the nursery is close to being set up, we have all the baby gear we need, and his closet is full of little baby clothes…but I’m not ready.
“I’m nervous, a bit apprehensive, and part of me just wants this baby boy to stay cozy inside me for as long as possible.”
As I write this, I wonder if it’s even an ok thing to say out loud.
Expecting a new baby is supposed to be all about the excitement, joy, and happiness of this little being you’ll be bringing into this world. Ask me if I’m excited, and I’ll say “Absolutely!” The truth is that yes, I am excited about this new little boy. I daydream about what he will look like, his sweet baby smell, and baby cuddles.
But…there’s this other part of me that is really happy with the way things are right now, and I don’t want that to change. I am loving my life with my husband and J. We are happy, life is good, we have a great little routine that works.
When I think about bringing a new baby into our family, it makes me nervous. Here’s the truth. I love toddlers…babies…not so much. Since J has become a toddler, I have really enjoyed the freedom of only having to be home for one nap during the day. We can spend all morning out, and if he’s late for nap, it’s not that big of a deal. He’s more flexible, he can talk to me, and we can play together.
A baby requires nap times, they easily get overtired and then refuse to sleep (seriously, how does that make sense?). I have to stop every few hours to sit and nurse. This means that J may have to stop too. A baby will mean that our days will be very different than they are now.
I worry about this new baby’s personality. J is a super easy kid who easily rolls with the punches. He rarely has break downs and when he does, they last all of like 2 minutes and he’s done. I know that this new baby will be totally different from J, but what if he’s colicky or is a very emotional kid?
Instead of one kid to chase after, I’ll have two. Two different personalities and two different opinions. I’ll have to do twice the work while dealing with sibling conflicts.
I wonder how J will adjust to his new brother. Will there be jealousy issues, or will he easily adjust like he always does? Will our relationship suffer because I have to give attention to another? How will the relationship between my husband and I change?
Things will be different for sure, but…
“Different doesn’t mean bad…it’s just different”
I know that we will adjust and things will turn out ok. It may take a while, but we will find our new norm.
No one talks about these emotions, but I know I can’t be alone! Everyone expects pregnant women to be happy and excited about their newest bundle of joy. I believe this is even more true for women who already have children. We’ve been through it before, it should be easier the second, third, fourth time around. The truth is that bringing a new baby into a family is scary, stressful, and often full of worry too.
Sometimes I feel kind of alone in my thoughts. I know that other Moms have felt this way too, but like I said, no one talks about them. I’m grateful for my husband who has very similar thoughts and we can sit and talk about them a bit. We planned this, it is something that my husband and I both wanted, and we are thrilled that I am pregnant. But, when it comes down to it…
“Change is scary, and the responsibility of raising little ones is huge.”
With that, I’m not at all surprised that I’m nervous. Every expecting parent has to be…right?
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