3 months…that’s all folks. 3 months and the newest little one will be here. This pregnancy has flown by and it’s only going to go by faster with the holidays coming up. Let me tell you, I’m not ready yet. Sure the nursery is close to being set up, we have all the baby gear we need, and his closet is full of little baby clothes…but I’m not ready.
“I’m nervous, a bit apprehensive, and part of me just wants this baby boy to stay cozy inside me for as long as possible.”
As I write this, I wonder if it’s even an ok thing to say out loud.
Expecting a new baby is supposed to be all about the excitement, joy, and happiness of this little being you’ll be bringing into this world. Ask me if I’m excited, and I’ll say “Absolutely!” The truth is that yes, I am excited about this new little boy. I daydream about what he will look like, his sweet baby smell, and baby cuddles.
But…there’s this other part of me that is really happy with the way things are right now, and I don’t want that to change. I am loving my life with my husband and J. We are happy, life is good, we have a great little routine that works.
When I think about bringing a new baby into our family, it makes me nervous. Here’s the truth. I love toddlers…babies…not so much. Since J has become a toddler, I have really enjoyed the freedom of only having to be home for one nap during the day. We can spend all morning out, and if he’s late for nap, it’s not that big of a deal. He’s more flexible, he can talk to me, and we can play together.
A baby requires nap times, they easily get overtired and then refuse to sleep (seriously, how does that make sense?). I have to stop every few hours to sit and nurse. This means that J may have to stop too. A baby will mean that our days will be very different than they are now.
I worry about this new baby’s personality. J is a super easy kid who easily rolls with the punches. He rarely has break downs and when he does, they last all of like 2 minutes and he’s done. I know that this new baby will be totally different from J, but what if he’s colicky or is a very emotional kid?
Instead of one kid to chase after, I’ll have two. Two different personalities and two different opinions. I’ll have to do twice the work while dealing with sibling conflicts.
I wonder how J will adjust to his new brother. Will there be jealousy issues, or will he easily adjust like he always does? Will our relationship suffer because I have to give attention to another? How will the relationship between my husband and I change?
Things will be different for sure, but…
“Different doesn’t mean bad…it’s just different”
I know that we will adjust and things will turn out ok. It may take a while, but we will find our new norm.
No one talks about these emotions, but I know I can’t be alone! Everyone expects pregnant women to be happy and excited about their newest bundle of joy. I believe this is even more true for women who already have children. We’ve been through it before, it should be easier the second, third, fourth time around. The truth is that bringing a new baby into a family is scary, stressful, and often full of worry too.
Sometimes I feel kind of alone in my thoughts. I know that other Moms have felt this way too, but like I said, no one talks about them. I’m grateful for my husband who has very similar thoughts and we can sit and talk about them a bit. We planned this, it is something that my husband and I both wanted, and we are thrilled that I am pregnant. But, when it comes down to it…
“Change is scary, and the responsibility of raising little ones is huge.”
With that, I’m not at all surprised that I’m nervous. Every expecting parent has to be…right?
Anyone else?
Hello?
Join the thousands of others who subscribe to our weekly newsletter, so you can stay up to date with everything happening on Dirt and Boogers. No spam…I promise!
I just have just one one year old son right now, but have thought about trying for a second within the year. My fear is the same. I think about how we gotten to a point where my son sleeps through the night and can eat table food and drink regular milk. Things have gotten easier in some ways, and the thought of starting over with another child is a little scary. Very eloquently put. Good luck! Hopefully I will be feeling the same things awaiting the birth of a second soon. The fear will be worth the excitement.
I’ll say that I had some fears about a new baby before I was even pregnant. It’s overwhelming to think about going back to the baby days…at least for me. Good luck on baby #2, and know that you are not alone in your worries.
Amanda
I just wanted to say thank you for writing this post. The point that you made about thinking/feeling things that you’re not “supposed” to say out loud really resonated with me. I often kid my friends and family about why they didn’t tell me how hard this parenting gig was going to be, but the truth is even if they had told me, I wouldn’t have gotten it, not really. There is no way to undertand the feelings you’ll have as a parent before you become one.
I can remember when my daughter was going through one of those rough stages (around 18 months) and I was driving to pick her up from my mom’s house after work. I had a rough day and I was beyond tired. I was already dreading the crying, the clingyness, the “can’t be entertained for more than 30 seconds” rounds that were coming. I remember driving my car down the road thinking that I wished I didn’t have to pick her up that day and immediately being convinced I was the worst mother EVER for even having that thought. No other mother ever thought that about her kidlets, right? I certainly never heard or read about one – so I must be a terrible person. The truth is I bet alot of other mothers may have had those types of thoughts but never vocalized it. So thank you! Thank you for writing about the thoughts and feelings you were having and in doing so, showing us it’s okay to have them too!
Lisa…you are absolutly not alone! I have had very similar thoughts, especially when I hear him wake from his nap. So many days I think “but, I don’t wanna!”.
It’s sad that we, as parents, can’t be honest with each other with our feelings about parenting. Raising children is hard and we need to support each other. We need reminding that just because we are tired or don’t want to deal with our children’s negative behaviors, does not make us bad parents…it makes us human. Thank you so much for your honesty!
I think there are lots of things that no one tells you or talks about….things about being married/pregnant/babies/toddlers….You wrote that post so wonderfully! I will be completely honest and say that adding our third was really hard, not because he was the third, but because he was three years younger than our second. Our first two kids were so close together that we never really left “baby” stage. With this last guy, we experienced all the things you talk about – naps, nursing, etc. That said, I LOVE watching the girls love on him and build a special relationship with him. The girls were forced to be friends sort of since they were so very close in age. With little brother, they are really showing how special those sibling bonds are because they choose to include him. Yes, we have lots of squabbles because he “messes up” their stuff. But all of that frustration and all the work of managing the schedules is SOOOOO worth the reward of witnessing the sibling love. Totally warms my heart.
I think it is more difficult if you get out of the baby stage for a while. They just require so much work! The part I’m looking forward to the most is siblings. I can’t wait to see how J will interact with his brother.
Hi–I was happy to find your post on Pinterest…I’m due on Christmas Eve with baby #2…and I completely understand how you’re feeling. My daughter is 4 so she has LOTS of energy. I worry a lot about how she’ll adjust to how much attention I have to give to baby. I’m actually glad baby will nap…but I worry that I won’t really get to rest then since preschooler daughter will want to PLAY!:-) I worry about all the stress on our family when baby comes. Hubby is a pastor and the pressures on him are great, both at work and home. Those are just some of my worries. I could go on and on. Somehow, we’ll get through it though. We always do.
Thanks for the sweet comment, glad you found the post too! I love your last 2 sentences. We’ll get through it…we always do. So true for my family too. There maybe some growing pains along the way, but we’ll figure it out. Good luck with baby #2 and I hope your family adjusts well.
Good for you for being honest. The truth: after #2 gets here, no matter what happens, you will soon be unable to imagine life without him.
As far as things no one talks about…once I asked a group of friends if any of them DIDN’T consider the day their children were born, the “best day of their life.” Because I don’t (my wedding day, and maybe the day we got engaged, WAY SURPASS the birth-days for me). I don’t know if my friends truly did not comprehend what I was saying, or if any of them secretly agreed, but I felt like an outcast after I threw that out there.
I want to add: with my older son, the day he first laughed/smiled (5 weeks old) was a ZILLION times “bester” than the day he was born. I fell madly in love with him that day. 🙂
That’s funny because my wedding day is totally the happiest day of my life. Can’t say that I was all that happy the day J was born. A little to scary and overwhelming for me. Maybe it will be different this time. Sorry no one else agreed with you, but I totally get it!
I know that I will fall head over heals in love with this little boy when he gets here, just like I did with J. Right now it just feels so overwhelming and I feel kind of like protesting.
I am right there with ya 😉 I’ve recently begun to panicking about my waning days with just Mr. C at home. Of course I’ve already gone from one to two but with my oldest in school all day I have lots of time with just the little guy. And he’s still so little. I sometimes worry I’m short changing him of his solo time but I know deep down he will enjoy having a sibling close to his age. Your post is timely as I’ve been chatting with hubby about the same things. Seems like the holidays will make these last few months fly by even quicker than they normally would. I’m trying to cherish every second at home alone with C as he’s just entering that toddler phase and is so much more interactive, communicative etc. I feel the need to make the most of every second of my time with him alone. I know once baby gets here things will fall into place and I won’t be able to have imagined it any other way but I feel where you are coming from. Change is nerve-wracking at best sometimes. It was nice to see this post today. You are definitely not alone!
Thanks friend! Change is nerve-wracking! I usually handle it well, but the lead up to it always stresses me out. I do need to take advantage of the time I have with J now, before the babe gets here. Thanks for the reminder to enjoy today!
I know exactly how you feel, too! Our little guy is due in three weeks and I’ve been panicking for awhile now! G was 9 months when we brought him home and was sleeping through the night, eating well, and such a happy, peaceful baby. What if this new baby is the total opposite? I cherish the time with G at home, just the two of us, and I also worry about not giving him the attention he needs or how he will react with the new baby sharing it. Oh, so many uncertainties, but so much excitement as well.
Thanks Gina, I actually thought of you when I wrote this post. I was thinking that adoptive parents have very similar worries and probably more! Good luck and congrats on the newest little one. Can’t believe it’s just two weeks away!
Oops, three weeks!
I feel EXACTLY how you do!!!!!
This is just the kind of post I need right now. We are due in March, and I’m sticking my head in the sand about the reality of that LOL Thanks for the tips.
I feel like you were reading my mind! We are due with our second in mid-Feb, and I’m going through all the same emotions. Thanks so much for having the courage to post this, and help so many of us feel that we aren’t alone!
I’m an easy going person and pretty flexible with routines (since I’m not very disciplined in keeping routines in the first place!) but when I was nearing the end of my pregnancy with baby no. 2 I felt ALL the same emotions you felt! How was I going to incorporate a new little person in my kinda easy going life with a little boy of 3 and a half? New baby needs his own routine…eeek! I eventually decided to take it as it comes, day at a time (since this is how things usually went). I didn’t want my unborn baby to feel my tension and wanted him to be as relaxed as possible (guess what? He’s the better sleeper of the 2 and much easier child!)
Looking back (with 2 boys of ages 7 and 3 and a half) I can say that taking it a day at a time and figuring it out as it goes was the best way for me. It’s impossible to know how both big brother and baby are going to be when you find yourself at home with both. Don’t allow fear to rule your thoughts. Go through your emotions of enjoying new baby and share that joy with big brother – he will follow your feelings because they’ll be genuine and not forced. Don’t expect things to be perfect or well organised, be easy on yourself. Having children tends to change your life and yes, routines will HAVE to change too, but again, take it as it comes and try to be flexible till you find what works for you. Then stick to that!
You’ll soon find your feet as a mommy of 2 who’s figured it out for herself and found what works for her!
This reads so much like something I wrote before we welcomed our first baby. My excitement over becoming a mama was complicated sometimes by feeling scared, because I loved our life and our routines so much. Now that she’s here, I’ve already had some of these same feelings imagining sharing what we have now with another little person! Thank you so much for being so candid.
Well written Amanda. I had fears as well, especially about our routine and the way it would be uprooted for a while until we found our feet again. I don’t like change but I do. Its sounds funny to say but it keeps life exciting and interesting. You are definitely not alone in your thoughts. It’s so important to have time for yourself, just be prepared to ask for a little more help in getting it so you aren’t fried when the second little guy comes.
I just had our second child at the end of July and I have felt every emotion you mentioned. And sin77ce he’s been born I’ve also had moments of, “what have I done?” My almost 4 year old is so independent, and now I’m starting over again. It’s a little overwhelming sometimes. I also worry if I can be as good a mom to my 2nd. I got to stay home with my 1st, but I can’t this time. We are slowly adjusting though. You will too. 🙂
I was excited when my 2nd son was born the beginning of August. My little ones are only 2 years apart so I knew it would be a lot of work but I was ready for that. What I wasn’t ready for was how my relationship changed with my oldest. Before the baby I was his everything. I cried the first night when daddy put him to bed because I was handling a new fussy baby. I felt so bad that I couldn’t be there for him the way I used to be. But the feeling has passed (and hormones have leveled out) and we’ve adjusted. Now, I wouldn’t change it for the world but you’ll definitely have your moments adjusting to change. Good luck!
I am past the baby-making stage, but my husband and I have talked about fostering a child so that our special needs son will have a sibling, and there are always feelings of… what if? We know that we will, we know that we want to, and yes, it will change all our lives.
Thank you for your honest post, and for sharing your ‘other’ feelings about expecting! You got a lot of heart-felt responses!
I recently found your blog and frankly, it couldn’t be better timing! The Hubster and I are starting to talk and casually trying to conceive our 2nd baby and I’m already feeling these same emotions. I’m so excited about the idea of giving our son a sibling but I’m terrified of what it will do to our nice little world. We’re finally at a place where things have gotten a little easier and our son is slightly independent and it’s so wonderful. Adding another will be wonderful too, as well as difficult, scary, stressful and sometimes, downright crazy… But mostly wonderful. Good Luck!
Thank you! This is exactly how I feel! I am due with baby number 2 at the end of Feb and I am terrified of how things are going to change! We planned this and are very excited. It will be a huge adjustment though and it’s nice to know other oms feel this way too!
I’m so glad I stumbled across your blog!!! I had these exact same feelings before having our second child (born on 1-17-13), the day before your second child I believe. 🙂 My first child was 2.9 years old when our second was born. Our life with the three of us was just dandy. 🙂 Things are very hectic now with the baby, & I feel like I don’t spend enough quality time with my first child bc I’m breast-feeding, changing diapers, or trying to soothe a very fussy baby..lol. I also feel like u have lost my independence again. 🙁 My husband also deploys anywhere from 3-6 months out of the year, so I can totally relate! We feel like we dont have any couple time either…sigh. I know things will get easier, but some days I have my moments where I just break down & cry in the bathroom or shower…lol. Thanks for sharing!!! It’s nice to know that others are in the same boat. 🙂
:)Tina
I found your article on Pinterest and I know this is back from last year but I loved it! We have a 6 year old and we have been trying to conceive the past 4 months and I have had so many thoughts about…is it the right thing?! Our life is so content right now! We can do whatever we want, whenever we want and I really like it and I am starting to worry about starting over! Our little man would love a sibling but I don’t think he realizes how much our world will change (he is a smart 6 year old but not that smart 🙂 ) I am glad I am not the only one who thinks this way? All of my friends have kids close in age and they just don’t seem to understand. I am excited to maybe have another child but I am a little apprehensive too! I guess only time will tell!
This was exactly what I needed today! I got married the first time when I was barely 19, and got pregnant almost immediately after, my daughter was born 9 days after my 20th birthday. Her dad and I got divorced a few years ago, and I have been with my fiancé for the last 3 years. We always assumed we would have kids together, but “later” because I am in nursing school and we are currently a single income family. I found out recently that I am expecting. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy, but I am also FREAKING OUT, which makes me feel guilty. Thank you so much for letting me know that I am not alone, and it doesn’t make me a horrible mom for having some doubts and fears.