One morning I had planned on doing a bunch of chores and getting things checked off my list. Somehow…not really sure how…our morning turned into something completely different. I decided that my dirty bathrooms could wait, and for once my son didn’t have to. I decided that we needed a “yes morning”.
I let him lead the way, and I would just follow. I would say “yes” as much as possible (I’d only say no for safety reasons). This is how our day ended up.
We had a splash in the bathroom sink,
We got colorful with paints,
We washed some cars,
He fixed me up with his Dr.’s kit and made me “all better”,
We walked to the park for a swing,
And, we got lost in more than just a few books along the way.
The morning was peaceful and fun for both of us. No temper tantrums, no Mommy raising her voice, just fun playful times. Beautiful.
J decided the steps we took while I happily followed along. It helped me connect with my son and I got to enjoy his play. I got lost in his world and loved every minute of it.
He got to have a morning of pure control and decision making. He could make the decisions and have Mommy all to himself without distractions.
I try to be a “yes Mom” all the time, but I’ve found myself saying “no” more often as he grows older. It’s not saying no just to the things he’s doing, I’ve been saying no to playing with him more often. He asks to play, and I say “I can’t right now”. This particular morning has showed me that I need to refocus and take the time I have with him now, because I won’t have the time later.
My bathrooms were still dirty, but they will be there later. My son will grow and he won’t be two forever, so I need to take the time with him now when I have it. Plus, he is way more important than a dirty toilet, and I want him to know that he is too! By spending time with him and allowing him to play how he needs to play, he hopefully gets that message.
With the new baby coming in January, I know that I will have even less time to spend just with J. So I’ve decided to implement weekly “yes mornings”. Mornings that are just for him and I to connect, play, and focus on him. Mornings where he gets special Mommy and J time. Mornings where he can do his most important work…play!
Do you try to say yes instead of no? What little traditions do you have with your child(ren)?
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I discovered all this “yes” parenting when I already had a 3 and 4 year old. Truthfully, I was already very much that way. Very much a parent that only fought the battles that truly needed to be fought but I kept feeling a struggle when I was reading all these people that say “yes” and I kept feeling like I said “no” more than that. You have perfectly articulated the problem. With the smaller ages or with just one kiddo, you have more time to get stuff done during naps or when they play independently. As they grow and naps fade away and as your family grows, there is just no time to get real things during the day. That is the disconnect I was feeling. Thank you for putting it into words. I was still saying “yes” to the actual activities, I was just saying “no” to the invitations to participate in the activities. Now that you have re-framed that situation for me, I’m going to try much harder to let dinner and laundry wait a bit (those are my biggest reasons for saying “no”) and play a bit more!!! Favorite outfits may not be clean as frequently and we may have more dinners of sandwiches, but you are are right, the kids grow. My kindergartner has so few hours with me a day. I need to say yes to my time with her. Thank you for your post!!!
Thanks for your fantastic comment! I totally know what you mean about others always saying yes and feeling like you always say no. I feel the same way all the time. I try really hard to say yes to reasonable requests, but lately I’ve totally felt like I’ve been saying no more often. That’s why I wrote this post and started our new tradition. I don’t think you are the only one who feels like you do…thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Yes. My son calls it an “everything I want” day. It can take place anytime. One day, we had an “everything I want” at the grocery store. It was the best grocery trip ever. Sometimes, we go to every park in our town. Recently, I had my own “everything I want” day for my birthday. Luckily, Bobo and I like to do most of the same things.
I want an “everything I want day”! Sounds like a fantastic time!
Thanks for sharing. 🙂 Do you follow The Happiest Mom? She posted about a similar topic last night…and I made a promise to try her way, and I’ll make another promise to try a “yes” day. I might even tell my sons they’re more important than a dirty toilet! (They’d get a HUGE kick out of that!)
I don’t follow her, I’ll have to look up the post. You should try a yes day…it’s really fun!
This is really sweet! What a special day for your son. My post today was all about the ‘no’ part of parenting, but I think it makes those days for saying ‘yes and yes!’ all the more fun!
Thanks for the sweet comment…I’m off to read your post!
Your post was so lovely to read this morning… Thank-you. I too am going to try to say “yes” more than “no”. It’s so easy to get bogged down in the day-to-day and forget how quickly they grow. Here’s cheers to a “YES” day once a week! 🙂
Saying yes can be a lot of fun for both you and your child. It is really easy to say no more than yes though. Hope you enjoy your yes time!
After my second child was born I really felt that I should have a special moment with my first daughter, she and I really miss it.
So there are some mornings that I play a board game that she loves and that makes our special moment, that makes the difference.But I wish I had more YES days in a week!!
I hope that the yes morning stays even after the new baby is here. I think it will really help us connect at a time when I won’t be as available to him. I’m glad that it works for you…gives me hope!
Loved this! I have a two-year old boy and I just had a new baby girl, and it is tough (but definitely manageable and wonderful) when there are two little ones, and especially when my toddler wants me to play with him. I think I will try your method with my two-year old son one day each week, when daddy can watch baby girl for a bit. I liked that you said you only say no if it’s something dangerous. I will have to remember that for most days, but it will be nice to let the messy stuff go, don’t tell him “no” so much and just have fun! I want to live in the moment, because they grow so fast. Thank you for sharing!
Thanks for the great comment! I’ve already suggested that my husband take the baby for a bit so that I can have some yes time with J. It will be interesting to see what happens when the baby gets here.
LOVELY! My son and I had a day like that last weekend. It’s amazing how good it feels, isn’t it? Thanks so much for sharing!
It’s one of the best feelings in the world!