I wasn’t very good at making meaningful play experiences with J when he was a baby and young toddler. I let him play on his own and would often join in on his play, but I didn’t really provide him with many new play experiences. I guess I thought was a bit too young and I wasn’t really quite sure what to do. You see, I understand toddlers much better than infants. If I knew then what I know now…I’d done it totally different.
Well, when J turned 14 months old and went down to one nap, I decided to start doing more activities with him. We started off by doing a lot of good hands on activities, like finger painting and painting with water. J had a blast and I was happy.
Then I noticed that J wasn’t really talking and that’s when I started the comparing him to other kids…read here if you want more on this story. So, I decided to do a theme each week and work on J’s vocabulary. Basically, this is where I took all my education and experience and threw it out the window. I worked hard with J to discuss farm animals, zoo animals, pets, things that go, etc. I even had J make a different zoo animal each day and we had an entire zoo after two weeks! This was a great idea for a 3 year old…not a 15 month old! We had a color of the week and I tried really hard to get my son to make animal noises. I was pushing and our activities weren’t fun anymore.
I had broken my own rules:
- Stay within your child’s abilities – I was pushing him to make things that were way too advanced for his age.
- Don’t push – Your child will develop in his own time and at his own speed. Again..I was pushing.
- Let your child lead – I was forcing J to do the activities the way I wanted him to do them. I didn’t really let him make things the way he wanted to make them.
I did these things all under the idea that I was trying to educate him….haha. I’m amazed at how I know that children will grow at their own pace in their own time, but I wasn’t allowing my child to do this. I was pushing and having much higher expectations for him than he could ever achieve. It’s amazing how someone who knows better makes such big mistakes.
I am not proud and actually feel horrible about my mistakes. However, I thought it was important that I do write it. I want others to see that even someone who understands kids and has spent a large part of their adulthood learning with and working with children can mess up so majorly. Now that I’ve gotten my head screwed back on right I have started playing with J in a more appropriate away. J and I are now enjoying our activity time, and each other, much, much more.
Anyone else do this or break your own rules when it came to parenting?
I break my own rules all the time! Remember, there’s a more perfect version of us all, just not here :>) Also I need to tell you about our shaving cream experience…. Kira
Your honesty is refreshing! I think it is natural that we want to push our children and give them all the resources we think they need to learn – even if we know better! Thank you for this reminder!
Unfortunately, but perhaps fortunately, I am way to lazy right now to push Michael to do anything. It is amazing to watch what he learns on his own!
It’s hard sometime to tell what your child is ready to do. I try really hard not to be a parent that pushes her children. With my 4 year old I try to let her do the leading when it comes to her preschool. If I try to do something new and she get a little frustrated I’ll stop and switch to another activity. These are the years for them to play and have fun. Occasionally I need that reminder.
We all make mistakes. It’s just like when L gets sick. Although, I have years if training in patient care, when my OWN child gets sick, all of my experience goes out the window and suddenly I’m the panicked mom in the E.R., just like everyone else. There are THOUSANDS of textbooks about children….but there is not a single “textbook” kid on the planet. They’re all different.
You are doing a fine job. I use to have expectations of L when I compared her to others…but I let all of that go. Now we do things that she enjoys and occasionally I throw in new things to keep it fresh.
Thanks God that children are resilient! My prayer as a parent with you and your brother was from Lamentations…..”and the Lord will restore the years the locus have eaten away.” You’re mistakes and just mis-steps…no harm done. I think you’re a great mom!