I’m curled up under the blankets, cozy and warm. Then my eyes shoot open, I look at the clock. 3:27am. Really!?
“Why in the heck am I awake again tonight?”
Then my brain starts spinning, and the worry starts creeping in.
My mind is racing about things that I can’t change, life changes that I can’t control, and worries about my kids.
I lie there awake, tossing and turning, for another hour before I fall back asleep, only to be woken up a few hours later by children ready to start their day. I’m exhausted.
I wish this weren’t a regular thing, but these days it’s happening more frequently.
You see, I’m worried about my family’s upcoming moves. That’s right, moves…plural. We’ll be moving twice this year which means that my oldest child will start his first year of kindergarten two months later than the rest of his class.
And I’m worried.
Everyone tells me not to worry. “It’s just kindergarten, he’s so smart, he’ll do fine”.
But I’m his Mama and I worry. It’s like it’s part of my DNA.
Throughout his life, I worried about this boy.
I worried that he was starving when he went on a nursing strike as an infant.
I worried when he didn’t talk at age 2.
I worried about him adjusting when we moved the first, second, and third times.
I worried about everything when he became a big brother.
I worried about him making friends and being away from home when he started preschool. Did I choose the right preschool for him in the first place?
I am Mom, and I Worry.
By nature, I’ve never been much of a worrier. I don’t typically stay awake a night running through all the terrible things that can happen with my life.
My philosophy has always been to not stress about the things I can’t change.
Then I had kids and I worry about things that never phased me before.
You see, it’s not my life that I’m making decisions about, it’s my children’s…and that’s huge.
I’m in charge of taking care of them, what if I make the wrong decision? What if I totally screw them up?
A few days ago, a wiser, older mom told me something. She said to me “Your kids will be fine. As long as you make the best decisions you can and surround them in love, then they will be okay.”
She reminded me that it’s okay to worry, all Moms do, but to remember that love wins. A loving, secure family is what kids really need. And that, my friends, is easy.
I love my kids with a fierceness that I can’t explain. Show them that I love them? I can do that.
I know I’ll make decisions for them that I might regret in the future. I will make mistakes, but I will always love them. I know I will continue to shamelessly love on my kids with every fiber of my being.
In the end, I know that they will be okay.
Does this make me sleep better at night? Not always, because the fact still remains that…
I am Mom, and I Worry.
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I’m in nature a worrier, and I’ve had to work on toning that down a bit. One of the biggest reassurances I tell myself is if I can’t do something about it right this second, then it doesn’t do any good to worry about it. Instead, I try to focus on proactive things I CAN do, and even schedule it in, so that the remainder of my time isn’t spent worrying about something I can’t do anything about.
Another thing that has helped is remembering and even recording previous worry moments and reminding myself how that turned out. Because usually, it turned out just fine 🙂