Inside: Discover everything to need to know when you realize that “my child needs glasses.”  From the emotional guilt to finding the right frames, this covers it all!  This post contains affiliate links

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The optometrist looks in my 3 year old’s eyes, “Wow, I’m glad you brought him in.”

I stand there looking at my son…my little boy, thoughts swirling in my head.

What does that mean?  How bad is it? Can he really not see?

It didn’t take long before I saw just how bad it was.

She puts up a picture the size of the big E on adult eye charts and asks him to tell her what it is.  He leans forward, squints, and says “A square?”

My heart sinks, I can feel the air escaping my lungs as I look up at the picture of a birthday cake.

Oh-my-gosh, he really can’t see.  My baby can’t see.

As the exam ends, the Dr looks at me and says.  “Your son will need to wear glasses full time.  Right now he can only see about 6 inches in front of his face, and even that isn’t very clear.  But the glasses will allow him to see birds, mountains, and leaves on trees, things he’s never seen before. His whole world is about to change!”

Tears prickled in my eyes, and a sudden surge of guilt hits me so hard I have to catch my breath.

I push back my tears and thank her profusely.

How did I not know it was this bad?  I just got tired of telling him to sit back when we read books together, that’s the only hint I had that he might have vision problems.  How could I not know he couldn’t see?!

Stepping out of her office, I see the one corner of the room with the YOUTH GLASSES sign and walked over.  There were so many to choose from, yet none of them seemed small enough for him.

I only started wearing glasses after my last pregnancy, I have no idea what to get a 3-year-old.

Through my shock, a nice lady helps us pick out frames, I paid then went to the car and tried to hold back my tears so he wouldn’t know.  How could I have not known?!

I went home and Googled everything I could find about kids and glasses.  There was so much information about choices in frames, how to measure to get the right fit, and what exactly his prescription meant.

I was surprised at how overwhelming it all felt.  It’s just glasses, millions of kids need them.  Why was this so hard?

Looking back, I wish I had a guide, someone to tell me how to navigate these waters and tell me that it was normal to feel sad and guilty.

It’s been a few years since that morning at the eye doctor and my guilt has subsided. I’m confident that he’s in frames that fit, and my son loves his magic glasses.

I’ve learned a lot along the way, but there are several things I wish I had known before I knew my child needed glasses.

Sizing and Frames

Finding the right size, brand, and type of frames for my son was a lot harder than I expected it to be.

The problem is that there’s just so much information and too many choices in frames.  I got overwhelmed trying to decide what was right for my son.

So here’s what I’ve learned…

Find Your Kid’s Size

That nice lady I mentioned above…she had no idea how to properly size and measure kids for glasses.

After talking with other parents, I’ve discovered that this is pretty common in your run of the mill frames shop.

Kids are always growing and you can just pick up any sized frames and go.  It’s important that the fit is right so they get the most out of their prescription.

Before you buy, look in your local community for an eyewear shop that has a large selection of kid’s frames and call to see if they’ll measure your child for a proper fit.

When it comes to fit, the most important thing is to check and make sure that the eyes are perfectly centered in the lens.  If you can get that right, then you’re ahead of the game.

The next thing to look for is the fit on the nose.  If any gaps exist between the bridge of the frame and the bridge of the nose, the weight of the lenses will cause the glasses to slide down.  So make sure it fits!

I highly suggest joining an amazing Facebook group called For Little Eyes – a group of parents for young kids in glasses.  It’s a great place to get an idea of what a proper fit looks like and to ask any questions you may have about having a child in glasses.  Plus, it’s such a large group that you can do a quick fit check (take a pic in the store with the frames on) and get almost instant replies back from very knowledgeable parents.

It’s been a lifesaver.

There are SO MANY Frames!!!

There are lots of frames to choose from. There’s Miraflex, Tomato, Dilli-Dalli, Jonas Paul, my son’s favorite Flexon, and many many more.  It can be hard to pick, but they are all great options.  You really can’t go wrong.

Now, if your child has a very small nose bridge there are some frames that are better than others. I hear Tomato and Spokiz are very good for this, but you can ask in the For Little Eyes Group and get some more suggestions.

I suggest letting your child make the final decision.  I thought for sure I’d go with Miraflex, but my son hated them.

One trick I did learn is that if your child has a very strong prescription, go for a smaller more rounded frame and the lens won’t look near as thick.

Things You Didn’t Know You Needed

With most everything in this world, there are several accessories and gear that you might need to go with your kid’s glasses.

Straps and Stay Puts

A proper fit should mean that a child’s glasses won’t fall off.  But kid’s are so active that it’s always a good thing to help keep those glasses on their face!

Stay puts go on the end of the glasses and sit right behind the ears.  They are very soft because they are made of silicone.

Having a strap that goes behind the head is a good thing to have too.  Some frames, like Miraflex, already come with a strap attached.

I use a strap only when we’re someplace where I’m afraid his glasses will fall off and get lost, like on roller coasters or in foam pits at a trampoline park.

EWIN(R) 12 pairs Sport Eyeglass Soft Anti Slip SIlicone Non Slip Hook Ear Lock Grip Holders12 Colors Anti-slip Glasses Strap Sports Glasses Strap Holder for Kids

Swim Goggles

Like most kids, my son LOVES being in the water.

But water and traditional frames don’t mix.  He was having such a hard time playing because he couldn’t see without his glasses, yet if he wore them they’d get water all over them and he still couldn’t see.

I was so freakin’ happy when I discovered that prescription water goggles aren’t expensive at all!

I bought this pair for less than $20 and he LOVES them.

Aguaphile Junior Swimming Goggles for Kids and Early Teens

Cleaning wipes

I’m totally a newbie when it comes to glasses and had no idea how to really clean them.  I thought those cloths that come with the glasses were enough.  Well, they aren’t, especially when you’re talking about kids.

I’m constantly amazed by the amount of gunk he gets stuck to his glasses.  A little cloth isn’t getting that off!

Sprays are annoying and not portable at all, so I’d go with the cleaning wipes that already have alcohol on them.

I throw a few in my bag and in my car so I always have one with me.

Zeiss Pre-Moistened Lens Cleaning Wipes – Cleans Without Streaks for Eyeglasses and Sunglasses – (200 Count)

Helping Your Child Adjust to Wearing Glasses

Wearing glasses can be a huge adjustment for anyone…especially super active kids.

Help your child not only get used to the idea of glasses but learn to love them.

How you talk about glasses matters.

Wearing glasses isn’t a bad thing, yet so many people say “oh, they have to wear glasses,” like it’s some sort of punishment.

When it comes to helping your child think positively about their glasses and helping them see that glasses are a good thing, it’s important that you embrace the glasses too.

Show your child how cool and exciting it is to wear glasses.

Instead of saying they “have” to wear glasses, twist it around and say that they “get to wear glasses!”  Make them feel special.

We call my son’s glasses his magic glasses.  And since he’s the only one in our family who needs them full time, he feels pretty special because he has something unique that the rest of us doesn’t.

Let them chose their frames.

These glasses are your child’s glasses and they have to be the one to wear them.

To help them really enjoy wearing their glasses, let them pick out their frames.

They’ll love them more than any pair you decide on and they’ll feel proud to wear the frames they picked out.

Find some good books for kids with glasses.

Books are great for helping children deal with big things.  And getting glasses is a big deal for kids.

I love these books that talk about the struggles of having to wear glasses.

Douglas, You Need Glasses!I Can See Just FineArlo Needs GlassesLuna and the Big Blur

The Most Surprising Thing When Your Child Needs Glasses

When I took my son to the optometrist, I knew there was a possibility of him needing glasses, but I wasn’t sure.

So it was shocking to me that his vision was so bad and that I had missed the signs.

But the guilt hung around my heart for days.  I could hardly speak about it without tearing up.

I kept telling myself to get over it and that it wasn’t that big of a deal.  I mean, kids get glasses every day, but it took a long while for me to come to terms with this and even longer for me to shake off the guilt.

The guilt was so surprising because, in my logical brain, I knew that the guilt wasn’t necessary.

But it was still hard to shake.

After a while, the guilt wasn’t so overpowering, and I was able to see what a blessing it is that I’m able to provide my child with the glasses he so desperately needed.

I’ve spoken to several parents of children who have glasses, and I’ve discovered that we all feel the guilt.  We all feel like we should have known earlier, that we should have been able to catch it.

It was so healing to know that I wasn’t alone and that I wasn’t crazy for feeling so sad and guilty.

So, if your heart sank when you found out that your child needs glasses too, you aren’t alone.

Inside: Read what it’s really like to breastfeed a newborn and get tips and insights to make breastfeeding more successful and enjoyable.  This post was written by me on behalf of 1 Natural Way, a TRICARE breast pump provider.  All opinions are entirely my own

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I sit, boppy wrapped around my waist, shirt down, ready to feed my baby.

I have to mentally prepare myself because I know it will hurt.  They tell me it’s not supposed to hurt, but it HURTS.

One…inhale….two….exhale…three…latch.

Pins and needles stab my entire chest.  This isn’t right.  Tears roll down my cheeks.  This can’t be right.

My feet kick as my little babe nurses peacefully, while I sit here holding my breath, gritting my teeth and praying that I can find someone to help me.

Three weeks, three doctors appointments and one amazing lactation consultant later and my thrush was finally believed and treated properly.

It was a rough first month of motherhood, mainly because breastfeeding was so hard.

Breastfeeding is something I was committed to doing, but it wasn’t 100% natural to me.

Through blood, sweat, and lots of tears, my baby and I figured it out.

Looking back, those first hard weeks were hard but worth it.  I ended up enjoying it so much that I didn’t hesitate about nursing his younger brother when he was born.

Before my son’s arrival, I had spent hours learning all about breastfeeding.  I attended classes, got all the best gear, and googled all the things.  That knowledge helped me get through some of the hardest parts of breastfeeding.

But, in spite of all the knowledge I had, there are a few more things that I wish someone had told me before I started breastfeeding.

1. Breastfeeding Takes Practice (and lots of it)

My naive-before -baby-self, thought that breastfeeding would be easy.  I mean it’s the most natural thing in the world!  You put your baby on your breast and it eats.  Simple.

Like most of my pre-baby thoughts, I was wrong.

Breastfeeding is something that doesn’t come naturally to every mom or to every baby.  It a skill that takes practice.

I had to learn how to hold my baby in the right position and get a good latch, and my baby had to learn to latch well too.

My first baby really struggled with getting a good latch, and I had the cracks to prove it!

Speaking of latching, always aim for a good one.  Always.

It’s easy to let a bad latch happen, especially when your baby is crying and hungry.  But trust me here, you’ll pay for that bad latch later.

2. You’ll Worry

Just being a new mom raises your level of anxiety a lot.  It’s nervewracking to take care of a helpless little baby.

But when you’re nursing, it’s hard to know if you’re producing enough milk, if the latch is right, or if your baby is eating enough.  Unlike bottle feeding, you can’t measure to see how much your baby is eating.

Add all that worry to crazy out of control post-baby hormones and it’s not uncommon for a new mom to become an emotional wreck.

But, there’s someone who can help…the mighty Lactation Consultant!

Lactation Consultants are usually easy to find (they’re in most hospitals) and their services are usually free.

A good LC will help you learn how to get a good latch, how to know if your baby is eating enough, and can answer all of those questions you have swirling around in your head.

3. Breastfeeding Takes A Lot of Time

New babies nurse at least every 3 hours around the clock and it can take them an hour at each nursing session to eat.  So that means you’ll get a maximum of a 2 hour-ish break between sessions.

It’s a huge time commitment.  You’ll be nursing about 8 hours a day.

That’s a lot of time sitting down and feeding a baby, and it’s not a job you can pass onto anyone else (at least not at first).

I remember running out to the craft store and getting stuck in the checkout line for what felt like an eternity.  My breasts started to swell and I worried the worry about my baby being hungry without me, made me abandon my purchases in line and I hightailed it out of there asap.

After a few weeks my milk supply leveled off and my son’s feeding times became routine, so I was able to get a little more freedom.  It gets more predictable and babies learn how to eat faster, so it gets better, I promise!

But before then, you’ll need someone who can help take care of you while you’re spending so much time nursing.

Breastfeeding burns a ton of calories and you’ll be hungry all.the.time.

The best thing anyone can do for a breastfeeding mom is to make sure there are snacks and water nearby.

And then they can hop over to the laundry and fold that too.

Seriously, having a good support person is imperative at the beginning, because you just won’t have the time to do everything that needs to be done.

4.  Get A Breast Pump

Even if you think you’ll exclusively breastfeed, get a breast pump.  It can be your best friend.

Not only will it allow for other people to feed your baby and to give you a little bit of freedom, it can also help with a few potential breastfeeding problems that can pop up.

Some Moms might struggle with producing enough milk, a brestpump can help with that.

Some Moms get so engorged that it’s hard for their baby to latch, a breastpump can help with that.

Some babies struggle with latching due to tongue-tie, a brestpump can help you supplement.

And sometimes unexpected things pop up and you’ll need a pump.

My youngest son caught RSV at a very young age and had to be hospitalized, and my breast pump helped me keep my milk supply up while he wasn’t eating as much as he should.

The problem is that Breastpumps can be expensive.

I wish someone had told me that my insurance would have covered my pump 100%.

I wish I had known about 1 Natural Way.  This company will not only contact your insurance provider for you but also your Dr. to get the prescription.  All you have to do is fill out their online form and they’ll take care of the rest.  It’s so simple and takes less than 5 minutes.

All breast pump models are covered by my insurance provider, Tricare, at no out of pocket expense. This includes the Medela Freestyle and the Spectra S1 Breast Pump, and the Medela Pump in Style Tote/Backpack.

Dude…I paid full price for my Medela Pump in Style Backpack!  Ugh.

1 Natural Way provides works with many insurance companies, just click on the link that says “Qualify Through Insurance” on their website here to apply.

In addition to breast pumps, 1 Natural Way also offers breast pump accessories, compression socks, and postpartum care supplies.

Get yourself a breast pump, you’re going to need it!!

5. It Gets Easier

Yes, breastfeeding is messy, hard, and time-consuming, but eventually, you and your baby get the hang of it and it gets so much easier.

You both learn how to get a good latch, sore nipples heal, and the pain goes away.

Your baby becomes a faster eater and won’t have to eat as frequently, so you’ll be spending less time sitting and nursing.

You never have to worry about packing enough bottles or being out too long because as long as your baby is with you, they can eat.

And if you need or want to have time away from your baby, use that Insurance Breast Pump and make a bottle.

But if something does happen, like my fight with thrush, it can be helped.  If you ever feel pain, don’t hesitate to call your Lactation Consultant.   Mine was a lifesaver!

 

Inside: Good Toddler Parenting Books can be hard to find.  Here are the 4 best books so you can parent your toddler without losing your mind!  This post contains affiliate links.

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The toddler years are the crazy years. There’s really no way around it.

Sure you’re getting a little bit more sleep than during their newborn and baby year so parenting seems easier at first, but toddlers are pretty nuts.

Who else would get mad at you for giving them exactly what they asked for a minute earlier?

Who else cries because there’s crust on their sandwich one day, then cries because you cut off the crust the next day?

Who else refuses with all of their heart and soul to put on their favorite light up shoes that they begged you to buy them?

Toddlers, that’s who.

Toddlers simply don’t have the words or the emotional capability to express themselves any other way.

They lose it in the middle of the grocery store, during your mommy and me class, and at any other random point during the day.

And it can be frustrating, embarrassing, and super exhausting for us.

So how do we survive it?

How do we get through the toddler years without pulling our hair out?

How do we thrive during these years rather than count down the minutes until naptime and bedtime each day?

We’ve all heard the go-to comment parents make where we wish there was a parenting handbook that told us exactly what to do and how to do it.

So what if I told you there was?

What if I told you I found four toddler parenting books that so drastically altered the way I see, interact, and deal with my toddler, that I enjoyed their “terrible twos” and “tyrannical threes?”

What if I told you that my kids almost completely stopped having tantrums after I read and implemented the tricks from these books?

And what if I told you that when they did have a tantrum, I could get the tantrums to end in under a minute without following them down the rabbit hole into crazy town?

#1 Toddler Parenting Book – To Raise Happy Kids

The Happiest Toddler on the Block

When I was pregnant, I read Harvey Karp’s book, The Happiest Baby on the Block and that alone was life altering for my husband and me from the day we brought our daughter home from the hospital.

So when I found out he had a toddler edition, The Happiest Toddler on the Block, I had to own it. I needed to know what he knew about toddlers and tantrums and making them less frequent. And when I bought the book, I devoured it.

Happiest Toddler on the Block gave me step by step actionable ways to deal with my toddler’s tantrums in a way that made sense to my toddler.

The book gave me a way to deal with my toddler’s big emotions, and connect with her by empathizing with her.

It’s a step by step guide to calm her down quickly, help her through her “crazy” moment, and help her move past it without giving in to what she wanted in the first place.

It’s magical.

And you know what? I still follow his tips to this day when my six-year-old or my tween has a tantrum-type episode.

But so you are fair warned, you’ll feel downright silly following his advice. You will feel foolish that you’re talking to your toddler the way the book suggests. Especially when you’re in public.

But it works.

And honestly, if it works, I don’t care how ridiculous I feel or sound.

Because it beats my kid doing the dead weight thing so I can’t lift her off the cookie aisle floor of the grocery store.

#2 Toddler Parenting Book – To Communicate Better with Them

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk

Do you ever feel like you’re butting your head against the wall when you’re talking to your kids?

Especially when you’re talking to a toddler?

Yeah, me too.

So I turned to the genius book, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk.

This must-own book isn’t technically a toddler book because it applies to all kids.

But if you start using these techniques when your kids are toddlers, you’re going to set yourself up to get your kids to listen to you.

This book taught me a way to respect my child and connect with them in a way that gets them to do what I need them to do without a fight.

The “old school” parenting techniques of threats, sarcasm, demands, and control do not work well on kids.

Our kids will resist us and dig their heels into every little thing we need them to do. They will balk at our every ask, no matter how small.

This book has tons of techniques and tips and try-it now sections to make your life easier and calmer and more peaceful.

But one huge takeaway from this book I use daily is to give my kids choices that I can live with.

I need them to get in the car. But instead of demanding they get in the car, I ask them, Do you want to walk to the car or skip to the car? Do you want to strap in by yourself or do you want me to do it? Do you want to listen to music or have no music?

As they’re deciding and choosing how they want to do it, they’re getting in the car without a fight.

It takes a bit more time on my part to think of choices I’m willing to give them and more patience as I wait for them to choose, but I get them to do what I need them to do without a fight or a tantrum.

And getting my kids’ cooperation is worth the extra time and patience required.

#3 Toddler Parenting Book  – To Stop The Sibling Squabbles

Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too

The toddler years are crazy enough as it is.

But for many families, these years are made more complicated with the addition of a new sibling.

Siblings Without Rivalry changed the way I talk to my kids about their siblings and around their siblings.

As parents we don’t often realize that adding another child to the family doesn’t double the work, it almost triples it.

Because now we have to parent our first kid, parent our second kid, AND parent their relationship with each other.

And when you add a third kid into the mix, you’re parenting each of them individually, parenting each child’s relationship with their other siblings, and parenting them as a threesome when they’re all together.

It’s exhausting just thinking about it.

But this book taught me to purposefully diffuse sibling conflict and avoid resentment and jealousy which has improved my children’s relationships with each other immensely.

And it’s made my life as a parent of three immeasurably easier and calmer because there’s fewer fights, fewer tiffs, and less bickering among my kids.

Siblings Without Rivalry opened my eyes to pitfalls I didn’t even know I was falling into as a mom…comparing them to each other, forcing them to share their prized possessions and fostering an environment where they felt the need to compete for my affection.

Siblings Without Rivalry guides me daily with how I support and encourage my children’s relationships with each other.

It has helped me help my kids be on a team rather than accidentally pitting one child against another.

And I have followed this book’s advice since I was pregnant with my second kiddo and parenting a very strong-willed toddler. Which set my kids up for a better sibling relationship from day one.

Find more awesome parenting books here –> 6 Parenting Books That Will Change the Way You See Your Kid

#4 Toddler Parenting Book – To Gain Cooperation

How to Con Your Kid: Simple Scams for Mealtime, Bedtime, Bathtime-Anytime!

Every toddler seems to have a thing. Or several things, really.

They won’t touch green things. Or they refuse to sleep in their bed. Or they’re scared of their toothbrush.

Whatever their drama is, parents need a way to move past it. We want to push our kids out of their comfort zone a little bit to try something new and scary.

Like eating red foods.

Or touching sand.

Or being within a 20-foot radius of a farm animal without freaking out.

How to Con Your Kid sounds tongue and cheek, but it’s an idea book organized by what toddlers won’t do.

So now you know you need to give your kids control and choices so they have buy-in to do what you need them to do.

But if you’re having trouble coming up with creative and fun ways to get them to want to do what you need them to do, this book has your back.

Have a toddler that won’t take a bath? This book gives you a list of fun ways to get them to step outside of their comfort zone. Try adding bubbles, or put their favorite toy in the bath with, or let them wear their bathing suit into the tub.

Have a toddler that won’t brush their teeth without a fight? Try singing a special tooth brushing song while you brush. (This one prevented us from racking up insurmountable dentist bills.)

Have a toddler who refuses to eat vegetables? Call vegetables funny names. Broccoli became “dinosaur trees” in our house and all of a sudden my toddler couldn’t get enough of them. Or let them dip their veggies into maple syrup or ketchup or blue dyed ranch.

The book is chock full of ideas for every toddler’s reluctant behavior. And it’s genius.

Because here’s the thing.

This parenting gig is hard enough. We all need parenting to be a little bit easier so we can enjoy it a little bit more.

And these parenting handbooks will help make that happen for you.

Now you just need to figure out if you should cut off your toddler’s crust or leave it on.

 

 

I HATE YOU!!!

Your child stands across from you, staring at you with big, round, angry eyes.  Red in the face, teeth clenched, and hands in fists, your screaming child is overcome with anger.

You stand there, shocked.

Oh-my-gosh…what do I do?  

You might even feel scared, intimidated, and unsure of what to do next.

Or maybe you go deep into anger yourself.

How DARE my child yell at me like that?

Anger is a scary and uncomfortable emotion.  No one wants their children to be angry, and they certainly don’t want disrespect and defiance that can come with the anger.

Why can’t everyone just be happy?! Ugh…

This post contains affiliate links.

What do you do when your child is angry?

When our children get upset and angry they aren’t functioning in their thinking part of their brain, they are in their primitive emotional brain.  They’re literally so overwhelmed with emotions that they can’t think straight.

The same applies to you.  You can’t address the situation well when you’re brain is flooded with emotions.

I know you hate being yelled at by your child, especially in public, but it’s important that everyone stays calm.  And that begins with you…

Stay calm 

Anger builds on anger.

If your child is angry and you respond to that anger with more anger, then your child’s anger elevates, which elevates your anger, and then you’re in a vicious angry cycle.

Did you get that?  Basically, responding with anger causes more anger.

It’s your job, as the parent to be the calming force to de-escalate the situation.

Take a few cleansing breaths, remind yourself that this isn’t an emergency, or walk away for a few moments until you can address the situation calmly.

My 50 Calm Down Cards and The Stop Yelling Handbook can help with this.

50 Calm Down Cards For Parents – Staying Calm Among The Chaos of Raising KidsThe Stop Yelling Handbook – 17 Printable Pages to Help you Control Your Temper

Then, take steps to help your child.

Whatever you do, do not discipline or punish if you’re angry, it will just make it worse.  It’s okay to walk away for a bit and come back when you’re calm and ready.

Look at what’s really going on

Instead of focusing on the behavior of your child, take a deeper look and ask yourself a few questions:

• Why did my child just blow up?
• What does my child feel right now, and why?
• Were they caught off guard?
• Do they feel powerless?
• Are they hungry or tired?

Take a few minutes and look at what’s going on behind the behavior.

Then, once they are calm you can help them meet their needs.

Helping Your Upset Child Find Calm

“Never in the history of calming down did someone calm down by being told to calm down.” – Unknown

When your child is upset, they can’t listen to logic, and telling them to calm down won’t work….ever.

So, what do you do?

Reflect Feelings

Help your child calm down by letting them know that you get it, you understand why they’re upset.  The best way to do this is called reflecting feelings.

It’s simple.

Just tell your child that see how they are feeling.

• Wow! You are so mad right now.
• I know you’re really upset with me.
• You really weren’t happy with that decision.

This does not mean that you agree with their feelings or their behaviors, but that you understand they’re upset and you’re willing to listen.

When people are feeling big emotions, we’re not looking for people to fix it, we just need someone to understand our feelings.

There’s nothing more healing than having someone tell you “I get it.”

Put aside your child’s behavior for a second, and see your child as hurting.

Meet them in the emotional place they’re already in and help them get calm.

This tip is explained in detail in the book “The Whole Brain Child.”  <—It’s a MUST READ for any parent.

The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind

Wait

Give your child space to feel their feelings and they’ll be able to calm down on their own…eventually.

This is NOT the time to get angry and argue logically with your child.

Say to your child.  

• I can see you’re angry, I’ll wait until you’re calm.
• I know you’re mad, but I’m ready to talk to you when you’re calmer.

Eventually, your child will calm down.

But…what if you’re child wants help to calm down?

Try A Hug

There are two different types of people in this world.  Some people love to be comforted and hugged when they’re angry, and some don’t.

If you’re child likes being hugged and snuggled, ask if they’d like a hug to help them calm down.

Do not try this if your child doesn’t like physical touch or does not agree to a hug.

But for the kids who do like the snuggles, you’ll find that a tight hug can do wonders to calm down an angry child.

 

Blow it out

I’ll never forget the day that my friend came over with her 2.5-year-old daughter.

Something had upset her daughter, and my friend got down face to face with her and asked her to take a deep breath and blow out really hard.

She and her daughter took several deep breaths together and her daughter’s crying stopped and she was able to calm down fairly quickly.

It was magical.

I know that deep breaths work, but it was so cool to see this mama do it so expertly with her child.

So try…

• deep breathing together, face to face, with your child.
• having your child pretend to blow out a balloon, or
• pretend to blow out a candle.

It works…

Amanda, the blowing out the candle approach WORKED!!!! My son was in one of his typical hysterical crying fits yesterday when I remembered to reach for one of our play candles. Right in the middle of it, I said, “Quick! Help me blow out the candle. Ready, set, blow.” He started blowing really hard instantly! My husband and I were speechless. It calmed him down enough to the point I could gently and lovingly cup his face with my hands to speak softly to him and actually reach him! – Gabrielle (Mama’s Anger Managment Student)

Teach After the Anger

Often times, kids don’t have the tools they need to handle their big emotions in a respectful way.  That is a big skill that takes time to learn.

This is a great teaching moment. 

After both you and your child are calm and able to think without all the emotions, it’s time to come back and address the situation again.

Start out by doing a small recap of the situation.

•  I saw that you were really upset about ____.
• Wow, we both got pretty mad earlier.
• You really weren’t happy about the decision I made about _____.

This way, they get that you understand what happened, and you’re willing to talk about it in a respectful way.

Then work with your child to problem solve.

• What do you think we can do next time so this doesn’t happen again?
• I know you were angry, but instead of yelling at me, can you say “Mom, I really don’t like that?”
• It hurts my feelings and makes me angry when you roll your eyes at me.  Can you do _______instead?

This is the time to teach the correct way to handle their frustration and anger.

Anger happens to everyone, so it’s important to be ready for the next time your child stares at you with those big angry eyes.

Remeber to stay calm, reflect emotions, and wait to discipline until AFTER everyone is calm.

 

Inside: Why it’s important that kids create New Years Resolutions, and 6 examples of great resolusions for kids that everyone will love.  And this post contains affiliate links.

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With the beginning of every new year, adults tend to start off January with a big list of resolutions.

Resolutions to eat better, spend less time on their phones, or to stop yelling at our kids so much.

My current resolution for myself is to be kinder to me. To only speak to myself the way I speak to my friends. To remind myself I’m doing enough, and that I am enough as a mom.

But I spend so much time making sure I’m squared away with my resolutions and plans to better myself, I often forget to talk to my kids about their goals for the new year. To figure out what their resolutions could be.

Kids Can Make New Year’s Resolutions

I don’t need to be the only one who’s going to eat healthier, ask Alexa less questions, and watch less TV.

Because when we encourage our kids to make resolutions, we teach them we can all change. We can all grow. And we can all improve ourselves.

Kids can understand if there’s something we don’t love about who we are, or what we’re doing, we can work to fix it. We can make a plan to make who we are better.

It’s this growth mindset that actually plays a huge roll in their life successes.

According to Alexa–whoops, already screwed up that resolution–a resolution is a firm decision to do or not to do something. It’s a promise to oneself to get better and to do better. To try to be better.

That’s not an adults-only message.

Kids will understand resolutions and goals if we break it down and walk them through it. And if we help them find areas in their life that could use a little-ahem-improving.

New Year’s Resolutions Have to Be Their Decision

Our goal is not to make our kids feel bad about themselves or their shortcomings. Or to try to make them perfect versions of themselves.

But with a clear message that everyone needs to work on themselves and grow themselves, kids will become accustomed to personal development and self-improvement. And it won’t be a hard or painful exercise.

One word of caution. While we do want to guide our kids and help them figure out ways to better themselves, this has to be their decision.

Their resolution is to–and for–themselves. If we tell them what they have to do, what they have to try, or what they have to give up, there is no way their resolution will stick.

They need to pick these resolutions and goals for themselves. They have to decide what will be best for them and what they’re willing to change.

Ideas to Help Kids Pick their New Year’s Resolution

This free printable will help guide kids to choose what goals they have for themselves for the new year. And you can help them decide how to fill it out with these ideas:

1. Persistence to Master a New Skill:

With hard work and determination, kids can learn a new skill this year.

These skills take time, practice, and perseverance. So each day we try. And we practice. And when it’s hard, we keep trying. We keep going. We don’t give up.

Until one day, it seems easy.

That’s when we will have given our child the gift of understanding tenacity and persistence and determination. That’s when they learn the really great things in life come when they work hard for them.

Some new skills for your kids to resolve to learn:

• Cross the monkey bars
• Hit a baseball
• Ride their bike without training wheels
• Balance on a pogo stick
• Climb a tree
• Learn to play chess or checkers
• Play a new instrument
• Read a chapter book
• Swing by yourself

2. Break a Habit:

No kid I know would ever consciously and independently choose to break a bad habit. They rarely even know what habits they have that are “bad.”

But when you point out if they stop these behaviors they’ll stop getting teased at school (like nose picking) or will stop getting nagged at home, they may be on board to stop.

They will need a plan to help them break the habit and might benefit from a verbal or a visual cue from you to help them get started.

Bad habits your kid may want to resolve to break (I’m crossing my fingers my kids choose something off this list!)

• Picking their nose
• Biting their nails
• Leaving their wet towel on the ground
• Chewing with their mouth open
• Leaving their toys out
• Dirty clothes on the floor

3. Responsibility Resolutions:

Again, most young kids I know don’t want to add responsibility in the form of added chores to their lives.

But my tween, who is dying for more independence knows if she wants to be left home alone or get her own phone, she has to take on more responsibility and prove she can handle it without me reminding her.

If your kids want to up their independence level and therefore need to add some chores to their resolution list, here are a few ideas:

• Make sandwich for their school lunch
• Fold own laundry
• Set the table
• Clear the table
• Empty the dishwasher
• Make cereal/breakfast
• Vacuuming/sweeping
• Emptying the garbage cans

4. Resolve to Get Out of Their Comfort Zone:

Kids tend to stick close to their interests. I know my kids do.

They don’t flip through the local park and rec catalog and independently think, “hmmm, I’d like to try fencing.Or maybe I should try my hand at crocheting.”

But why not? Why not try something new and different?

My girlie-girl daughter who loves gymnastics and ballet and arts and crafts, took a karate class because we had a free trial month.

She’s now a green belt in Tae Kwon Do and is madly in love with breaking wooden boards while bellowing “ki-yah.” She only needed a gentle push to get her out of the classes she was comfortable and familiar with to find her new passion.

Depending on your kids’ skills and hobbies, here are new ideas to encourage them to widen their comfort zone:

• Art-drawing, painting, cartooning, clay
• Sports-Karate, volleyball, gymnastics, ice skating, swimming
• Coding, STEM classes, Sewing, foreign language
• Cooking or baking
• Musical instrument-piano, drums, viola, flute
• Dance-hip hop, ballet, jazz, tap

 

5. Get Smarter and Learn Something New:

As an elementary school teacher, I can’t underestimate the importance of this one. We all can, and should, be lifelong learners. Lifelong students. And it almost always starts with good books.

When we encourage our kids to read outside of their skill level and genre, it stretches them to be better readers and smarter people.

Here are a few simple ideas to inspire new resolutions and stronger readers:

• Read a new genre outside of your interests (try a biography or sci-fi or historical fiction)
• Challenge yourself to read x number of books a month
• Resolve to read for x number of minutes a day
• Try to read a chapter book
• Try to read a graphic novel
• Find a just-right book from the library and read it independently

 

6. Be Adventurous… with food:

My kids aren’t overly picky eaters. But, they are pretty clear about what they will and won’t eat and what they do and don’t like.

But I know what they don’t know. Most new foods are delicious. And as my kids grow up, their taste buds grow and change, too.

I know they did for me. As a kid, I wouldn’t touch tomatoes with a ten-foot pole and now I happily eat pico de gallo by the spoonful. My taste buds grew with me.

Here are some unique foods your kids might resolve to eat this year:

• Artichokes with melted butter or mayonnaise
• Mustard on a hot dog
• Salad (or trying a dressing that isn’t ranch)
• Pomegranates
• Figs
• Tomatoes
• Grilled mushrooms
  OR
• Food that’s green, anything with the word “casserole” in it, or anything that’s put in front of them without declaring they don’t like it before tasting it.

But even with all these great ideas and printable to fill out, our kids may not be able to stick with their resolutions past January.

And that’s okay, most adults can’t either.

It’s the process of choosing things they want to improve in their life that is invaluable. It teaches them they can grow themselves. They can change what they want to change.

All they have to do is decide to improve. All they have to do is make a promise to themselves to change. All they have to do is make a resolution.

So maybe by the time they’re an adult, they’ll be eating casseroles and not picking their noses and will have learned how to set the table properly.

All because they got into the habit of making resolutions when they were kids.

Use this free printable to get the conversation started.  Your kids will love it!

 

Click here for the printable