August 16, 2016 by Amanda 2 Comments

How Your Cellphone Can Help You Stop Yelling At Your Kids

Hello, I’m Amanda and I’m a recovering Angry Mama.

It wasn’t long ago that I was yelling at my children all the time. It didn’t take much to make me yell and turn me into a raging Hulk Mama.

I was short tempered and it felt like I was mad way more than I was happy.

I clearly remember the morning when I lost it on my oldest son.

He was playing and accidentally spilled coffee on my computer.

I jumped up off the couch, ranting and raging. I screamed so much that my throat hurt for the next 2 days.

I knew in that moment that I had to control my temper. I had to get happy and stop taking out my anger on my kids. So I made a plan.

Because I was a Mental Health Therapist, I knew what to do. I pulled out every single tool that I had to help me control my emotions and started out on my journey to stop yelling.

That was three years ago, and I can say with a grateful heart that I’m happier, healthier, and I no longer yell at my kids.

Am I perfect? Hardly.

I still get upset and still raise my voice from time to time, I am human after all. But I no longer rage, and that feels great.

But I’ve been able to get to the point that I don’t have to have my yellow hearts posted around my house, my 50 Calm Down Tips no longer hang on my walls, and I don’t need near as many Mommy Breaks as I used to.

I’m living a more grateful, fulfilled life and I can’t remember the last time I turned into a big green Hulk Mom, and that feels great.

I may not need all my tools anymore, but one thing that I continue to use to help me stay on track is my cell phone. It’s pretty much always with me so I’ve used it to help me on my journey.

My guess that, if you’re like me, your cell phone is usually around. So why not use your phone to help you stop yelling?

Here’s how I do it.

A Timer

I already use timers for everything from giving the boys their five-minute warning that it’s time to leave the playground to reminding myself to pick them up from school. Shoot, I even use a timer when my son asks me to play with him.

So why not add a reminder to stay calm when I know a certain time of day is chaotic? Being able to feel the vibration or hear the “Be-do, Be-do” sound is a helpful reminder that things could get stressful.

Now when we’re trying to get out of the house, right after school, and when I’m making dinner, my phone reminds me to check on my own level of anger and to calm down.

I learned this trick from Erica at What Do We Do All Day, and it’s brilliant!

The Forest App

One of my biggest triggers is being interrupted while I’m using my phone.

Nothing sends me over the edge more than a child needing my attention while I’m replying to someone on my phone. I know…I know…que the Mom Guilt.

To help me with this trigger, I’ve started using the Forrest App on my phone.

The Forrest App plays this fun game with me. It plants a seed in my virtual forest and the seed will grow into a tree in 30 minutes.

However, if I pick up my phone and exit out of the app before the tree grows, it dies.

It feels like I’m playing a game of wills with myself. I want a lush green forest of trees, so I try really hard not to pick up my phone before my time is up. It’s amazing how well this works!

Get it here on Android | iPhone

Deep Breathing Apps

A few members of my Stop Yelling Group said that they use deep breathing and meditation apps on their phone that help them stay cool and calm when life gets stressful.

I’m a big believer in both deep breathing and meditation, but I hadn’t thought of using my phone to help guide me in my practice…duh!

So, I downloaded one of the apps they recommended and holy smokes, it’s awesome!

I practice my deep breathing during times when I’m relaxed and able to practice, then it’s easier for me to use the same techniques when I find myself getting angry. Try it out, it’s awesome.

Install Stop, Breathe & Think on Android | iPhone

Okay, now pick up your phone and start installing some apps!

Online Tools

Having great calm down tips and information about why we yell and how to stay calm when life gets chaotic, helps a lot.

I have several of these tools that can help you out. You can choose my 17 page digital Stop Yelling Handbook. Print it out or keep it on your phone so you can have it when you need it.

But to get everything you need, check out my eCourse Mama’s Anger Management. It has everything you need to stop yelling. Everything.

The tips and techniques taught in the program are pulled straight from my days as a Mental Health Therapist and are proven to work.

They’ve helped me and over 1000 Moms control our temper and create happier homes, and I know they can help you too.

The best part is that since everything is given to you online and you get a lifetime access to the lessons when you sign up. As long as you have your phone you’ll always have the tools you need.

Check it out here.

The trick to staying calm is to use tools that work and having the tools always on hand.

With the help of my cell phone, I’m confident that I won’t go back to that Mom I was 3 years ago. I won’t ever be that Hulk Mom again, and that makes me feel great.

Take a Mom Break, Without Your Kids Driving You Batty

It’s been one of those mornings around here.

One of those mornings when I discover the leak in our shower when my kids collapse over each other running into my bathroom, interrupting my shower (aka, the only alone time I get these days) to tell me that my younger son’s room has water dripping from the ceiling.

The kind of morning when my older son decides to play with the alarm system and sets of the silent alarm. Imagine my surprise when 2 uniformed police offers come knocking on my door.

Yep, it’s been one of those mornings.

My kids were surprisingly helpful and kind during the chaos of the day, but between the phone calls to repair men, to my husband, and to our security company, my patience for my kid’s normal kid behavior was at an all-time low.

I mean, I seriously can’t handle yet another 3-minute diatribe about Minecraft from my 7-year-old, and I swear if my 4-year-old doesn’t stop calling my name a bazillion times in a row my brain is going to explode.

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I just don’t have the mental space for it all and I’m frazzled.

Then I start snapping.

“Just stop talking, please!”

“Guys, I’m on the PHONE!”

“Just LEAVE ME ALONE for one freakin’ second!!”

Yep, not my proudest moment.

So, I paused.

I took a few deep breaths, set my boys up with a quiet activity, and I took some time to calm down in my room. I used my 50 Calm Down Tips and worked to reset the day.

A few years ago, I would not have taken that break. I would have kept pressing on and trying to push down all the anger inside of me. It would never work and I’d end up yelling.

I realized that the best way to calm down was to take a break…but I wouldn’t do it. I worried about what my kids would get into, how much fighting would ensue, and if they’d actually leave me alone to calm down. It didn’t seem worth it.

After my explosion at my then 3-year-old, I knew that I needed to start taking breaks when I’d get upset. So, I set up different ways to keep my children engaged and busy in an activity so I didn’t have to worry…as much…about what they were doing while I was away.

Here are my favorites.

Rainbow rice and Playdough

I am a huge fan of setting up a good sensory activity like Rainbow Rice or Playdough.

I dump the rainbow rice in a big tub, add some spoons, cups, and matchbox cars and my kids are set for hours. And we have a huge set of playdough contraptions that I can throw out on the table for them.

I love this option as a creative outlet, but I do worry about the clean up afterward. But now at 3 and 6, my boys are able to pick up after themselves pretty well, so it’s sometimes worth the mess.

Audiobooks

I plug in a good audio book and hand my boys a set of headphones. There are so many wonderful audio books available for all ages. My kids love The Magic Treehouse series, Disney Storybook Collection, and The Chronicles of Narnia.

Not only are they taking a break and listening to wonderful childhood stories, they also enjoy the actors playing out the different voices and giving them the feeling that they are part of the story.

I prefer to get my books at Audible. Click here to try Audible and get two free Audiobooks!

Get Outside

I love to get everyone outside and sit with a book while they play in the backyard or playground.

Just getting outside and breathing in the fresh air, hearing the sounds of the birds, and taking in the sights of the season is a great way to reset my energy.

For me, adding a book is the perfect complement to this as I love reading and it’s important for my kids to see me enjoying a good book as an example of how to spend free time and that books are enjoyable.

Special Toys

When I was pregnant with my second son, one of the nurses at my doctors’ office recommended having a box of toys for my older son to play with while I was feeding my younger son, so there would be less frustration during this time.

This was the best advice I received and has been something I’ve tried to carry into other aspects of motherhood.

So, why not have a special set of toys that only comes out when Mama needs a break? This gives them something new and exciting to experience while I get that much needed time.

Screen Time

There’s no guilt in turning on a TV show or handing them a tablet. I have to admit, the subject of screen time has been the biggest challenge for me as a mother.

I limit their screen time and do my best to offer a mixture of organized activities, free time, and family time. But on days like today, I just really need a break. So I turn on the TV or hand over a tablet for a few minutes.

I refuse to feel really guilty about this, but I realized it’s better to have a bit of screen time than a Mama who’s angry and yelling.

On this particular morning, I set one boy up on his audiobooks and lego, the other one decided to play on his tablet for a few minutes.

I retreated to my bedroom, phone and book in hand. After finally completing all my phone calls, I curled up and read my current favorite book, The Nightingale, and took some time for me.

After 20 minutes, we were all set and ready to continue the day. A little reset was all I needed.

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March 16, 2016 by Amanda 10 Comments

3 Simple Steps to Stop Yelling at Your Kids

No one said life with kids would be easy.

The other day, I received an email from a Mom who felt terrible for yelling at her kids that morning.

She told me the story about how she was trying to get out of the house to take the kids to a playdate.

With shoes, socks, and jackets on, she pushed her kids out the door and told them to hop in the car while she went back inside to grab her purse.

Purse in hand, ready to go, she opened the door and saw her kids stomping barefoot in mud puddles, the littlest one was covered head to foot in mud.

And she lost it.

Yelling and screaming, she gathered up her children, pushed them inside the house, stripped them down and put them into the bath. She screamed at how disrespectful they were and how they never listened and that not only was the playdate canceled for today, but that they weren’t ever going to another playdate ever again.

She was livid.

Oh, I know how this Mama feels because I’ve felt that way too.

Anger can take over any of us.

After I told her that I understood her anger, I passed on a few of my yelling tips, but realized that I didn’t have a post on my favorite yelling tip, the ABCs of yelling.

A- Assess the Situation
B- Breathe
C- Calmly Address the Situation

Many parents, including myself at times, skip right over these steps and just react. We don’t give ourselves the time to calm down so that we don’t yell. Because of this, we don’t CALMLY take care of the situation.

We just jump in and react…full of emotions and anger. When we do this it’s harder to handle the situation as well as we could if we slowed down and followed these steps.

Assess The Situation

Take a split second to determine if the current problem is a life or death situation. Does it need your immediate reaction, or can you take a few seconds and compose yourself before you react?

99% of the time, we have can take a few seconds.

Instead of feeling the urgency to yell, catch yourself and pause. Physical reminders can help with this.

This takes practice, but after a while, you’ll find that it gets easier to pause before you yell. This pause is important because it gives us time to breathe…

Breathe

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” – Viktor Frankl

Pause

Big emotions, like anger, activate the part of our brain called the limbic system. This is a very primitive part of our brain that is one of the driving forces that activates our fight or flight response.

Our frontal lobe is the area that we use to make decisions and think logically. The problem is that when our brain is activated in our limbic system, we can’t use our frontal lobe. We’re literally so emotional that we can’t think straight.

We must take the time to calm down so we can decide on the best way to handle a situation.

Calm down your body and emotions so that you can think clearly and address the situation in an appropriate way.

The easiest way of doing this is to breathe deep full breaths. Take a few deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. This oxygenates your brain and helps you calm down and focus better.

I also suggest finding some good calm down strategies. Use a physical reminder or check out my 50 Ways to Calm Down Handout to find one or two calming strategies that works for you.

Calmly Address the Situation

Now that you know the why and are feeling calmer, it’s time to address the situation. When you can approach your child in a kind, calm manner you will find better solutions than if you deal with it while angry.

Look at what’s going on in that moment. Look at the behavior behind the action and try to see the whole picture.

A lot of times when we have a good idea of WHY our child is acting the way they are, we can approach them in a better way. It’s so much easier to dissolve a situation when we can focus in on the feelings and motivation behind the behavior, instead of just the behavior.

Plus, your child is more likely to listen to what you are saying when you are calm, rather than angry.

If you can’t do this without losing it, then go back to step 2 until you can.

I know it feels like we have to react immediately when our child acts out or breaks a rule, but the truth is that when we take a few moments to pause we can address the situation in a more thoughtful way. Our reactions are better and our choices in discipline is usually better too.

How to Stop Yelling

If you struggle with feeling angry and frustrated at your kids and your life, there are tools that can teach you how to approach your kids calmly and handle their big emotions like a ninja.

If you are tired of your home feeling chaotic and out of control, I have something that will transform your home into a peaceful, happy home with kids.

You can be that calm happy parent that you know your kids deserve.

It is possible.

(Amanda) has really helped me understand that I CAN parent my child without yelling. My home already feels more peaceful. My child is happier and more cooperative.

-Trish

It is possible to be that parent who has it all together.

It is possible to love your life with your kids.

It is possible to have a peaceful, calm, and stress-free home with kids.

Mama’s Anger Management has already helped hundreds of mothers take control of their anger and build happier homes with their kids. Don’t you want that too?

Click here to find out how to stop the yelling, for good!

November 24, 2015 by Amanda 37 Comments

The Strangest Reason I Yell at My Kids

Noise, Noise, Noise. Nothing sets me off and gets under my skin quite like unnecessary background noise. I believe that it’s the main reason why I yell at my kids. Crazy huh?

Let me explain.

It usually starts off small…some light music playing in the background.

I start the dryer in the laundry room and leave the door open so the cat can get to her litter box.

The central A/C kicks on.

My kids get up…the baby starts whining out of hunger…my 4 year old starts talking.

I start making breakfast while trying to listen to my son’s big plans for the day.

I use our super loud microwave that turns on the vent when you use it.

I’m trying to hear what my son is telling me over all the background noise and I strain to hear him.

I raise my voice. “Tell me what you want to eat!”

I’m trying to cook breakfast and pay attention to what he’s saying, but I can’t hear him.

My baby is crying at my feet and I can’t handle it anymore.

I start yelling at my son to STOP TALKING!!! Wait, didn’t I just ask him a question? Whatever, I’m angry. I get frustrated at my sweet baby and tell him to STOP CRYING, and I lose it.

This scenario was getting pretty common. Almost every morning I’d yell while making breakfast.

Looking back, there was no reason at all why I should have been angry. My kids were not acting out or doing anything wrong. Most of the time, they were just being kids.

The problem was with me. There was just too much going on. My senses were overwhelmed and I couldn’t focus.

One morning, I stopped. I listened. I was amazed at how much noise there was. It was so dang loud in my house!

I shut the laundry room door and turned off the music. That’s all it took to bring the noise level down to an acceptable volume. Just shutting a door and pressing a button. That’s it.

After that, I took a deep breath and could finally focus.

Since that day, I’ve been paying attention to the background noises in my house.

I don’t keep the music off all day long and there are times when I open our back door to allow the outside noises in. But, I’m intentional about what noises I allow in my space.

I’ve also started to pay attention to noise when I’m starting to feel agitated. When I start feeling irritated, I immediately turn off or mute things to make the space quieter. It usually helps a lot.

My kids still make quite the racket sometimes, and I can’t always control that. But, when I stop all the other background noise, their playful noises don’t bother me as much.

Finding triggers and working around them is one of the things I help you figure out during my Mama’s Anger Management eCourse. It’s also filled with proven calm down strategies and insights into why we yell. This course has helped hundreds of people transform their houses from chaos to fun!

I promise it will change your life.

July 1, 2015 by Amanda 6 Comments

Ridiculous Reasons Why We Yell

“Oh my gosh! Stop touching things! Stop! Just Stop!”

That was me, yesterday, in the public bathroom with my boys. They are 2 and 5 and they just had the need to touch every grimy surface in our park’s bathroom.

With every touch of the toilet paper holder or walls, shivers went down my back. I could sense the invisible germs attaching themselves to their hands.

I wanted to scream “JUST DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING!!!”

As soon as I was able to push us out of the germ infested place, and hand sanitizer was quickly rubbed on their hands, the guilt started to take over. I realized that I totally lost my cool over something really small.

So, I went over to my Stop Yelling Group and asked them “What’s the most ridiculous reason why you have yelled at your kids?”

The responses were hilariously wonderful:

For chewing loudly…no joke. I flipped out over him chewing Cheetos too loud
“‘Hashtag Don’t be a Hater’ is not an appropriate way to talk to your mother.”
Shames me to say – but dropping candy canes – they wanted to bring candy canes to their dance teacher and they kept dropping them on the ground.
“No! Cereal does not go in your shoes!”
Smacking his lips together after every word then use “like” every 3 seconds
“Stop licking the baby”
When I’m trying to reverse the car, I’m so bad at it !!
Being a human jungle gym can only last so long before I just SNAP.
My biggest pet peeve is my son messing up my made bed, so silly but I get so angry!
We have a pet pig. I have roared “Stop riding the pig” about 100 times today.
“Please wait until your COMPLETELY finished peeing before getting off the toilet!!!”
“Please stop asking me to look at things, I’m DRIVING!”
Waiting…waiting…waiting for Mr 2 to hurry up and poo.
They do nothing wrong but be kids and if they get loud I get yelly. Really I have no rhyme or reason.

ALL parents get angry and frustrated at our kids, even over small things, and sometimes we yell.

We yell for lots of different reasons.

We yell because we worry.

We yell because our kids behavior triggers our anger.

We yell because we get sensory overload (too much touching/noise)

We yell because we are bored, tired, overwhelmed, stressed, etc.

We yell because we just can’t do it all.

We yell for so many reasons, I can’t even begin to name them all.

Hey, anger happens. Anger is a normal, human emotion that we all feel. And unfortunately, as parents, we can sometimes take our anger out on our kids.

Sometimes it’s because we are maxed out, other times it’s just that their behaviors are annoying and irritating.

If you’re tired of yelling over ridiculous things, then here’s two resources that can help.

50 Calm Down Tips

This is a FREE handout that has 50 proven tips that can help you find calm and not yell when your kids drive you bonkers.

I took what I know as a Mental Health Therapist and put all my best tips into one handout just for you!

Some of them are fun: “have a tickle fight” or “sing a sound loudly”

Others are more relaxing: “Put on calming music” or “make a calm down jar”

Fill this out to get your copy sent straight to your email!

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Mama’s Anger Management

This is my 4 week eCourse that’s built just for parents who want to stop the yelling and build happier homes with their children.

This course has helped hundreds of women so far. One MAM Alum has this to say:

“This course allowed me to see all the amazing things I am doing as a mother while enabling me to take charge of my anger and yelling in a positive way with the support of other great moms just like me.”

It would cost you hundreds of dollars for a counselor or Anger Management class, but you still wouldn’t get the daily support you get from this course and the private support group.

This course is guilt-free, judgement-free, and built just for busy parents like you, and I promise that it will transform your life.

With these tools, I know that you won’t be yelling at such ridiculous things anymore.