Inside this post: No one wants to be that Mom who’s always nagging at their children.  Sometimes all you need to stop nagging are a few good tools in your toolbox.

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“It’s time to get ready for school.

No, it’s not time to play with your stuffed animal.

Didn’t I tell you to put your shoes on? Come on, let’s go. “

Just like that, I’ve become my mother. Her voice echoes in my head. “Why do I have to sound like a broken record to get you to do anything?”

And yet here I am, 30 years later, sounding like a broken record, wondering why I have to sound like one to get my kids to do anything.

At this point, I’m tired of hearing my own voice. No wonder they don’t want to listen to me anymore.

 

I used to accept this nagging as a way of life. A truth.

I mean, all my other friends nagged and complained and had to repeat themselves thousands of times to get their kids to do anything.

Why was I going to be any different?

I harbored a lot of guilt, too.

I wondered, “What was I doing wrong that made it so my kids just wouldn’t listen to me?”

Then there was the resentment.

It kind of made me angry that no matter what I did, my kids just didn’t follow instructions, and they needed me to repeat it over and over and over again before they even lifted a finger.

I may or may not have had a couple of mommy meltdowns along my path to realizing that there was a better way.

Every day doesn’t have to be filled with nagging.

In fact, once I learned the simple secret to ending my nagging, and it works, it was almost so simple it seemed stupid. How could this simple change the dynamics of my family? I was skeptical, but I was willing to try anything.

Before I tell you about this simple change that you can make today, I want to clear the air about two important things you need to know about nagging.

1. It’s not your fault.

You are not a bad parent.

You are not scarring them for life.

You are not failing your child.

Go ahead. Scrub that guilt away because it’s just not true.

Because here’s the thing. You are reading this right now. Something about the title encouraged you to look into how to end the nagging. You want help. You want to change.

You just don’t have the tools to do it. It’s not your fault. You’re missing key tools to end the nagging.

2. It’s not your kids’ fault either.

It’s easy to think, “Okay, if it’s not me, it must be them. It must be my child causing me to nag and to yell and to repeat myself.”

Sorry, it’s not that either. It is not your child’s fault.

You see, just like you, your child is missing some important strategies and skills to get the things done that you’re asking them to do.

Ready to learn the secret to getting your kids to actually do what you asked them to do?

 

A Magical Tip to End Nagging Today

I want you to think for a minute.

When you get ready to go to the grocery store, what do you do?
When you have a birthday party to plan, what do you do?
When you have to get ready for a family trip, what do you do?
When you have a deadline at work and need to get a job done, what do you do?

My guess is that you make a list.

See, I told you.

This is crazy stupid simple.

You already have the skill you need to end the nagging today. You already know exactly how to do what you need to do to get your kids to actually do what you’re asking them to do. It really is as simple as making a list.

This works whether your child is 3, 13, or 23.

Making lists, making things visual, and breaking them into smaller steps helps our brain process the information that needs to get done and break it up into small steps so that we can tick off each check mark until it’s complete. It helps us stay on task and on track and not wander and do something else in the middle.

Once I learned this trick and how well it worked with my 12 year old, I was putting lists and charts all over the house.

You should see my house right now.

There’s one in the bathroom, one in the bedroom, one in the kitchen. There’s one in the playroom. I could go on and on.

We have lists everywhere.

One of my kids even has a binder of checklists that he carries around with him to do his different tasks. This has been a lifesaver in my house.

Instead of nagging, I refer to the chart.

Instead of yelling, I calmly point to the chart.

Instead of repeating myself, I hand them the chart.

It really is that simple.

So simple, that I think that when we push these babies out of our body and they hand them to us and place them in our lap in the hospital, that it should come with an instruction manual that says, “When in doubt, use a list.”

It’s that good of a secret that you’re going to use it your entire time that you are parenting.

Now, if you’re sitting here reading this thinking, “There’s no way this will work in my house. My kids are going to fight me. They’re going to refuse. It’s just not going to happen. This lady has never been in my house.”

Well, here are a few tips that you can try to use to help you implement these lists in your home.

3 Simple Tips to End Nagging with Lists

1.  Get buy-in with your kids.

First and foremost, you got to get your kids on board.

They’ve got to love the idea.

They’ve got to make the chart with you. Make it fun and colorful and full of icons and pictures that make them want to move the item from one place to another.

2. Make it simple

Don’t go out and make some elaborate chart that you’ve got to cut and color and paste. No. Make it simple. Stick figures work.

Because let’s be honest…

If we make it elaborate and difficult, we’re not going to want to keep making charts and that to-do list for our kids. We’re going to give up.

3. Practice makes perfect. (Okay, almost perfect.)

As with most things we do in parenting, it’s a little bit of trial and error.

You’re going to have to practice with your child. The first few times, you’re going to have to actually walk them through each of the steps. You’re going to have to actually be there for the entire process and show them how to use the chart efficiently.

Once you implement charts and to-do lists and visuals in your home, I promise you, you are going to see a whole new world open up.

There will be no more yelling.

No more arguing.

No more repeating yourself 200 times.

When you find yourself in that dark place of repeating yourself over and over, think, “How can I make this more visual for my child and how can I put this in a chart so that I don’t have to say it over and over again?”

You’ll thank me later.

In my book, The Superkids Activity Guide to Conquering Every Day, as everything you need to make visual schedules and lists for your kids.  Plus so many easy tips to make your day run so much smoother with your children.

What began as a simple book with 75 simple crafts, games and activities to help adults and kids manage the most difficult parts of the day (mornings, wait times, mealtime, playtime, learning, and nighttime), The Superkids Activity Guide, slowly became a movement.

The Superkids Movement and Activity Guide is aimed to empower ALL kids to speak up, share their superpowers and learn why they do the things they do so they can advocate for themselves!

No more nagging like our parents use to do.  You can have everything you need to help your children listen and get through the day without all the frustration.

So make your list and get your book!

A NOTE FROM AMANDA:  Thank you so much to Dayna for sharing her wisdom today.  I can’t recommend her new book highly enough! The Superkids Activity Guide to Conquering Every Day is exactly what parents everywhere need to bridge the gap between the struggles their children have and the language their kids understand. I have my own copy and it’s beautiful and filled with so many helpful activities to make my day so much smoother with my kids.  

 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Dayna Abraham is the mother to three totally awesome superkids who inspire her every day to be the best grown-up sidekick they could ask for. When she’s not helping her kids conquer the world, she keeps busy by writing at lemonlimeadventures.com, writing books like Sensory Processing 101, STEAM Kids, and Learn and Play with LEGO®, and drinking lots of coffee. She loves getting her hands messy and creating crazy science projects and crafts to keep her super kids at home busy. Before she was a writer, she was a National Board Certified teacher, where she met some of the coolest superkids on earth. As a little girl, she wished grown-ups and other kids saw her as a superkid, so now she’s made it her mission to inspire kids like you to love who they are and embrace their differences.  Find Dayna here: Blog | Facebook Page 

“Ok, dudes – time to get your shoes on!” We needed to get out the door in the next ten minutes.

I try hard to be intentional in my parenting, so when I told them to get their shoes on, I made sure I had their attention, and that they heard and understood what I needed them to do.

I did everything that the “experts” tell you to do to get your children to listen.

I knew the boys were engrossed in Pokemon something or another, so I joined them in the living room.  I‘m not sure I’ll ever understand what they do with those cards, but they are entertained for hours.

Card negotiations were intense as if they were negotiating a multi-billion dollar transatlantic trade deal.

I still can’t get enough of how lucky I am that they enjoy one another’s company. So, as I tapped my youngest on the shoulder, I was grinning like a Cheshire Cat. When he looked up – I asked if they were trading cards.

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I got an enthusiastic response from both of them about Sandslash, Gyarados, and others.

Satisfied that I had their attention, I let them know it was time to get their shoes on.

They both looked up and sputtered, “Okay, mom!”

Then I ducked back into the kitchen.

A couple minutes later, I called from the kitchen – “Are you guys ready?”

“Yes! Almost…”

“Do you have your shoes on?”

“We’re going to get them!” (Translation: No.)

There it was, instant frustration.  I could feel my face getting hot with anger.

Nobody Listens To Me

Have you ever felt like the old, broken record nobody listens to?

It reminds me of a comic I saw – the mom asks the children to do something about 15 times and finally she loses it and screams at everyone. The kids turn to one another and say, “Sheesh! What’s she yelling about???”

Feeling ignored has always been a trigger for me.

But, before I had children, I had no idea it was a trigger.

Before kids, it was easier to place blame elsewhere whenever I yelled.

For me, feeling ignored triggers the ultimate human fear – I am not worthy of love or acceptance. I am not worthy of being heard.

That’s a dark place to live your life.

And when we are afraid and in a dark place, we come out swinging. Or at least yelling.

Unfortunately, sometimes we yell at the most precious of our worldly gifts – our children. Even when we don’t want to. Even when somewhere down inside, we know it isn’t anything they’ve done.

Everything Changes & Everything Stays the Same

So feeling ignored has always triggered my anger. And that’s not likely to change in my lifetime. But in adult situations, it was easier to ignore it or to direct the blame onto somebody else.

Now that I’m a mother, I know two things.

First, it’s ok for me to be angry. It’s inevitable that certain situations will trigger my anger – it happens to all of us.

Second, yelling at my children because something has triggered my anger has to change.

And now, here’s the thing nobody ever talks about once you become a parent. Nobody ever told me and I was shocked when it happened.

 

What Nobody Ever Tells You

As you’re reading this – are you wondering where this trigger of mine came from? You’ve probably guessed it already – I never felt heard, important, or listened to as a child.

Once you become a parent, it is impossible not to come face to face with the reality of how you were parented – the good, the bad, and the ugly.

And for me, this was a frightening experience. I grew up believing I was raised by June and Ward Cleaver. Once I became a parent and examined much of my childhood, it was a shock to realize that the Cleavers may as well have been Martians in my childhood home.

There was some messed up stuff I didn’t want to pass on to my children.

It is ever-present in the day to day trenches of parenting – whether you know it’s there or not. And it impacts every interaction you have with your child.

Your childhood.

How you were parented influences all that you are as a parent and underlies each decision you make – the big and the small.

And for some reason – nobody ever tells you that you will come nose to nose with personal demons you had packed neatly away, out of sight, so that nobody else would ever know they were there.

Awareness Leads to Intentional Parenting

So gaining this awareness of how you were parented and how it compares to the way you want to parent can be overwhelming. But here’s the great news – that awareness is such a gift. And this can be the gift that transforms you into the parent you’ve always wanted to be!

You need only tap into the power it holds.

Every single day, I make parenting decisions. Some are more complicated than others, but I try to always be intentional with my choices.

Being intentional requires that I am aware of why I respond in a particular way. And knowing why I respond in a particular way allows me to predict when I will respond that way again. And that prediction allows me to learn skills so I can respond differently.

So here’s the thing nobody tells you. In order to become aware of why we make the choices we do for our families, we need to recognize that those decisions are grounded in our unique childhood and the way our parents parented us.

Yes – in a nutshell – it’s time to recognize and deal with your past baggage. Nose. To. Nose.

And here’s even better news, once you’re prepared to do that, there’s help from somebody who knows her stuff. You can start right here and right now if you want a calmer, happier home with your family.

Download this free Tracking Thoughts Handout to help you discover your own triggers that might be influencing how you parent.

Click here to get this free handout

More Good Reads For You

• The Most Powerful Response When Your Child is Inconsolable
• 5 Myths About Yelling at Kids
• How Not To Waste A Kid-Free Hour

I got angry last night…again.

I’m not even sure what brought it on, maybe it’s because we’re getting ready to go out of town and my brain is spinning with all the things that need to get done.

Maybe it was because my boys were so loud while I was cooking dinner and it grated on my nerves and made me snippy.

It was probably a combination of everything, plus hunger.  I always get mad when I get hungry.

I remember telling my husband when we first starting dating that if I was ever cranky for no reason, to try feeding me first. Hangry (angry because you’re hungry) is a very real thing for me.

Anyway, so last night…

By the time we sat at the table to eat, my mind was spinning and I wasn’t talking to anyone in my house.  I wasn’t yelling, but I certainly was surly.

I sat there looking around the table, teeth clenched, and I told myself to snap out of it.  Nothing bad had happened, I was just being grumpy.

Just Snap Out Of It

A few years ago, this grumpy me was the norm. I acted this way all of the time.

I couldn’t tell myself to snap out of it. I allowed my anger to take over.

In fact, a few years ago, I’d probably end up yelling at my family before I even realized that I was feeling surly and grumpy.

But this time, I recognized my mood going south and I silently focused on one of my favorite calm down tips. It’s something called the four senses (I teach it is my Mama’s Anger Management Class) and was able to quickly calm myself down and enjoy dinnertime with my family.

As the anger melted away I could feel my muscles relax and suddenly everything slowed down.

I laughed at my children’s funny antics, I smiled at my husband across the table, and we ended up having a good dinner with great conversation.

Sounds magical, right?

Here’s the thing.

It’s not magic. It just takes a little time, the right tools, and practice and you can be a calmer mama too.

Anger Is A Normal Emotion

Anger happens to all of us.  It’s a normal emotion that we all feel because we’re human.

It’s okay to be angry.

That being said, I know you don’t like yelling and being grumpy with your children.

The guilt after you blow up on your kids is so heavy. I know because I’ve been there too.

I share about anger and yelling a lot because I’m a recovering angry mama myself.  Some days I do really well, other days (like last night) I struggle with keeping my cool.

But I will say that most of our days are pretty happy and I haven’t blown up into a Hulk Mama who screamed at my children in years.

I am human and I do still feel anger, I just have the tools that help me control the anger before I explode.

Want A Calmer Home?

In my brand spanking new free video series, I share my own yelling story and give you a sneak peek at the tools I’ve taught to over 1000 Mamas.

It’s free and it’s just for you.

Watch this quick video to learn more about it and then to go sign up here —>  From Angry Mom to Peaceful Home: A Free Video Series for Moms Who Yell 

This is a great first step towards becoming a calmer and happier Mama who has the tools to stay calm when life gets chaotic. I know it will help you on your journey to be the calm mama you’ve always wanted to be.

Something happened at my house the other day.  It hit me right in the gut and gave me a shocking reminder that no matter what, I’ll always have to work on staying calm when my anger bubbles over.

I was folding laundry on the couch in our playroom while my boys worked together building the new marble run they got for Christmas.

Alexa played my favorite Ingrid Michaelson station on Pandora, the boys were cooperating together, while the washer and dryer hummed in the background.

It felt peaceful.  I smiled to myself and enjoyed the moment.

Then they completed the marble run…

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