My son’s behavior went from fairly normal, to downright concerning and disruptive this past fall.

My husband and I were frustrated and confused about what he might need.

It felt like each morning we woke up to fight a battle of getting ready, then after school, what used to be a peaceful time was punctuated with harsh voices and misunderstanding.

Thankfully, one small change made all the difference.

It just took a few small habit changes.

We wondered if our son needed a drastic change like a new school or counseling, but after a long conversation and some (uncomfortable) self-reflection, we decided to start with something simple.

We looked at where we could add back in more connection to our family life.

The fall had been extremely busy and between a large class size at school and two working parents with big projects taking their toll on our time, we realized my son was spending most days having far less connection than usual to us and other caring adults.

We had gradually let family dinners slip away on most nights, and as my son’s temper grew, we started “just getting through” the morning and afternoon instead of making any time to reconnect.

We decided then that our first step would be to work on getting back to our regular dinners together.

Along with that I went back to a long time habit of having a conversation starter ready for chatting when we were in the car, and finally, my husband and I committed to looking for those little often overlooked chances that arise during family life (maybe while doing dishes or before bed) to chat with just him.

These few, fairly small, adjustments brought about big change.

The black cloud that had been floating around our family started to lift. I realized that once again connection had been the answer.

Often when I feel worried and unsure what to do, this is the case. Even if connection doesn’t fix everything, it at least gives me a stronger sense of the next steps I need to take.

Sometimes it feels too simple, but when our family life is feeling ‘off’ the first place to look is at connections with one another.

Maybe it sounds like a little reconnection would benefit your family too?

The good news is it doesn’t have to be complicated.

As I state in my book Bounceback Parenting: A Field Guide for Creating Connection Not Perfection,  it’s normal for connection to ebb and flow in families, and when you realize your connection is at a low, you can shift your habits to reconnection. This is because connection happens more in your everyday habits than in big events.

Connection is more of a practice.

Connection is a part of everyday life through the way you interact during mundane tasks like making lunches, reviewing homework together, or waiting at the dentist.

As my brother says, “Ninety percent of relationship is in showing up and just doing life together.”

When you stop looking at connection as a special event and instead think of it as a practice, you see that you have countless practice opportunities.

You Can Find Connection:

In the way you greet the people you love and the way you say goodbye.

In having curiosity, listening openly, and seeing your child as a person who can contribute to the conversation.

In pausing to do something at your child’s pace, even when it doesn’t feel convenient.

In the moment you take a deep breath and give a true apology, letting your child see you are vulnerable.

And any time you laugh together.

The practice of connection may include something big, like a birthday party or a graduation celebration, but it is practiced more frequently in day-to-day interactions when we notice the moment just as it is, and the people who are with us—whole and loved, just as they are.

Connection isn’t about getting all these things right.

The truth is, building connection and trust into our family lives will look different for each of us.

It’s not about neglecting your own needs or doing only what your kids want. It’s about finding the ways to

connect that work in your family and transforming your days by trying these ways to connect over and over again.

And when you can reinvigorate the connection in your family, everything else gets easier.

---

Alissa Marquess is a mom to three, the founder of Bounceback Parenting and the author of Bounceback Parenting: A Field Guide for Creating Connection, Not Perfection. She helps parents build loving, resilient relationships with their kids without the guilt. Online and in popular coaching sessions, she’s been inspiring millions of parents around the world since 2010.

Inside: Discover everything to need to know when you realize that “my child needs glasses.”  From the emotional guilt to finding the right frames, this covers it all!  This post contains affiliate links

---

The optometrist looks in my 3 year old’s eyes, “Wow, I’m glad you brought him in.”

I stand there looking at my son…my little boy, thoughts swirling in my head.

What does that mean?  How bad is it? Can he really not see?

It didn’t take long before I saw just how bad it was.

She puts up a picture the size of the big E on adult eye charts and asks him to tell her what it is.  He leans forward, squints, and says “A square?”

My heart sinks, I can feel the air escaping my lungs as I look up at the picture of a birthday cake.

Oh-my-gosh, he really can’t see.  My baby can’t see.

As the exam ends, the Dr looks at me and says.  “Your son will need to wear glasses full time.  Right now he can only see about 6 inches in front of his face, and even that isn’t very clear.  But the glasses will allow him to see birds, mountains, and leaves on trees, things he’s never seen before. His whole world is about to change!”

Tears prickled in my eyes, and a sudden surge of guilt hits me so hard I have to catch my breath.

I push back my tears and thank her profusely.

How did I not know it was this bad?  I just got tired of telling him to sit back when we read books together, that’s the only hint I had that he might have vision problems.  How could I not know he couldn’t see?!

Stepping out of her office, I see the one corner of the room with the YOUTH GLASSES sign and walked over.  There were so many to choose from, yet none of them seemed small enough for him.

I only started wearing glasses after my last pregnancy, I have no idea what to get a 3-year-old.

Through my shock, a nice lady helps us pick out frames, I paid then went to the car and tried to hold back my tears so he wouldn’t know.  How could I have not known?!

I went home and Googled everything I could find about kids and glasses.  There was so much information about choices in frames, how to measure to get the right fit, and what exactly his prescription meant.

I was surprised at how overwhelming it all felt.  It’s just glasses, millions of kids need them.  Why was this so hard?

Looking back, I wish I had a guide, someone to tell me how to navigate these waters and tell me that it was normal to feel sad and guilty.

It’s been a few years since that morning at the eye doctor and my guilt has subsided. I’m confident that he’s in frames that fit, and my son loves his magic glasses.

I’ve learned a lot along the way, but there are several things I wish I had known before I knew my child needed glasses.

Sizing and Frames

Finding the right size, brand, and type of frames for my son was a lot harder than I expected it to be.

The problem is that there’s just so much information and too many choices in frames.  I got overwhelmed trying to decide what was right for my son.

So here’s what I’ve learned…

Find Your Kid’s Size

That nice lady I mentioned above…she had no idea how to properly size and measure kids for glasses.

After talking with other parents, I’ve discovered that this is pretty common in your run of the mill frames shop.

Kids are always growing and you can just pick up any sized frames and go.  It’s important that the fit is right so they get the most out of their prescription.

Before you buy, look in your local community for an eyewear shop that has a large selection of kid’s frames and call to see if they’ll measure your child for a proper fit.

When it comes to fit, the most important thing is to check and make sure that the eyes are perfectly centered in the lens.  If you can get that right, then you’re ahead of the game.

The next thing to look for is the fit on the nose.  If any gaps exist between the bridge of the frame and the bridge of the nose, the weight of the lenses will cause the glasses to slide down.  So make sure it fits!

I highly suggest joining an amazing Facebook group called For Little Eyes – a group of parents for young kids in glasses.  It’s a great place to get an idea of what a proper fit looks like and to ask any questions you may have about having a child in glasses.  Plus, it’s such a large group that you can do a quick fit check (take a pic in the store with the frames on) and get almost instant replies back from very knowledgeable parents.

It’s been a lifesaver.

There are SO MANY Frames!!!

There are lots of frames to choose from. There’s Miraflex, Tomato, Dilli-Dalli, Jonas Paul, my son’s favorite Flexon, and many many more.  It can be hard to pick, but they are all great options.  You really can’t go wrong.

Now, if your child has a very small nose bridge there are some frames that are better than others. I hear Tomato and Spokiz are very good for this, but you can ask in the For Little Eyes Group and get some more suggestions.

I suggest letting your child make the final decision.  I thought for sure I’d go with Miraflex, but my son hated them.

One trick I did learn is that if your child has a very strong prescription, go for a smaller more rounded frame and the lens won’t look near as thick.

Things You Didn’t Know You Needed

With most everything in this world, there are several accessories and gear that you might need to go with your kid’s glasses.

Straps and Stay Puts

A proper fit should mean that a child’s glasses won’t fall off.  But kid’s are so active that it’s always a good thing to help keep those glasses on their face!

Stay puts go on the end of the glasses and sit right behind the ears.  They are very soft because they are made of silicone.

Having a strap that goes behind the head is a good thing to have too.  Some frames, like Miraflex, already come with a strap attached.

I use a strap only when we’re someplace where I’m afraid his glasses will fall off and get lost, like on roller coasters or in foam pits at a trampoline park.

EWIN(R) 12 pairs Sport Eyeglass Soft Anti Slip SIlicone Non Slip Hook Ear Lock Grip Holders12 Colors Anti-slip Glasses Strap Sports Glasses Strap Holder for Kids

Swim Goggles

Like most kids, my son LOVES being in the water.

But water and traditional frames don’t mix.  He was having such a hard time playing because he couldn’t see without his glasses, yet if he wore them they’d get water all over them and he still couldn’t see.

I was so freakin’ happy when I discovered that prescription water goggles aren’t expensive at all!

I bought this pair for less than $20 and he LOVES them.

Aguaphile Junior Swimming Goggles for Kids and Early Teens

Cleaning wipes

I’m totally a newbie when it comes to glasses and had no idea how to really clean them.  I thought those cloths that come with the glasses were enough.  Well, they aren’t, especially when you’re talking about kids.

I’m constantly amazed by the amount of gunk he gets stuck to his glasses.  A little cloth isn’t getting that off!

Sprays are annoying and not portable at all, so I’d go with the cleaning wipes that already have alcohol on them.

I throw a few in my bag and in my car so I always have one with me.

Zeiss Pre-Moistened Lens Cleaning Wipes – Cleans Without Streaks for Eyeglasses and Sunglasses – (200 Count)

Helping Your Child Adjust to Wearing Glasses

Wearing glasses can be a huge adjustment for anyone…especially super active kids.

Help your child not only get used to the idea of glasses but learn to love them.

How you talk about glasses matters.

Wearing glasses isn’t a bad thing, yet so many people say “oh, they have to wear glasses,” like it’s some sort of punishment.

When it comes to helping your child think positively about their glasses and helping them see that glasses are a good thing, it’s important that you embrace the glasses too.

Show your child how cool and exciting it is to wear glasses.

Instead of saying they “have” to wear glasses, twist it around and say that they “get to wear glasses!”  Make them feel special.

We call my son’s glasses his magic glasses.  And since he’s the only one in our family who needs them full time, he feels pretty special because he has something unique that the rest of us doesn’t.

Let them chose their frames.

These glasses are your child’s glasses and they have to be the one to wear them.

To help them really enjoy wearing their glasses, let them pick out their frames.

They’ll love them more than any pair you decide on and they’ll feel proud to wear the frames they picked out.

Find some good books for kids with glasses.

Books are great for helping children deal with big things.  And getting glasses is a big deal for kids.

I love these books that talk about the struggles of having to wear glasses.

Douglas, You Need Glasses!I Can See Just FineArlo Needs GlassesLuna and the Big Blur

The Most Surprising Thing When Your Child Needs Glasses

When I took my son to the optometrist, I knew there was a possibility of him needing glasses, but I wasn’t sure.

So it was shocking to me that his vision was so bad and that I had missed the signs.

But the guilt hung around my heart for days.  I could hardly speak about it without tearing up.

I kept telling myself to get over it and that it wasn’t that big of a deal.  I mean, kids get glasses every day, but it took a long while for me to come to terms with this and even longer for me to shake off the guilt.

The guilt was so surprising because, in my logical brain, I knew that the guilt wasn’t necessary.

But it was still hard to shake.

After a while, the guilt wasn’t so overpowering, and I was able to see what a blessing it is that I’m able to provide my child with the glasses he so desperately needed.

I’ve spoken to several parents of children who have glasses, and I’ve discovered that we all feel the guilt.  We all feel like we should have known earlier, that we should have been able to catch it.

It was so healing to know that I wasn’t alone and that I wasn’t crazy for feeling so sad and guilty.

So, if your heart sank when you found out that your child needs glasses too, you aren’t alone.

Inside: Read what it’s really like to breastfeed a newborn and get tips and insights to make breastfeeding more successful and enjoyable.  This post was written by me on behalf of 1 Natural Way, a TRICARE breast pump provider.  All opinions are entirely my own

---

I sit, boppy wrapped around my waist, shirt down, ready to feed my baby.

I have to mentally prepare myself because I know it will hurt.  They tell me it’s not supposed to hurt, but it HURTS.

One…inhale….two….exhale…three…latch.

Pins and needles stab my entire chest.  This isn’t right.  Tears roll down my cheeks.  This can’t be right.

My feet kick as my little babe nurses peacefully, while I sit here holding my breath, gritting my teeth and praying that I can find someone to help me.

Three weeks, three doctors appointments and one amazing lactation consultant later and my thrush was finally believed and treated properly.

It was a rough first month of motherhood, mainly because breastfeeding was so hard.

Breastfeeding is something I was committed to doing, but it wasn’t 100% natural to me.

Through blood, sweat, and lots of tears, my baby and I figured it out.

Looking back, those first hard weeks were hard but worth it.  I ended up enjoying it so much that I didn’t hesitate about nursing his younger brother when he was born.

Before my son’s arrival, I had spent hours learning all about breastfeeding.  I attended classes, got all the best gear, and googled all the things.  That knowledge helped me get through some of the hardest parts of breastfeeding.

But, in spite of all the knowledge I had, there are a few more things that I wish someone had told me before I started breastfeeding.

1. Breastfeeding Takes Practice (and lots of it)

My naive-before -baby-self, thought that breastfeeding would be easy.  I mean it’s the most natural thing in the world!  You put your baby on your breast and it eats.  Simple.

Like most of my pre-baby thoughts, I was wrong.

Breastfeeding is something that doesn’t come naturally to every mom or to every baby.  It a skill that takes practice.

I had to learn how to hold my baby in the right position and get a good latch, and my baby had to learn to latch well too.

My first baby really struggled with getting a good latch, and I had the cracks to prove it!

Speaking of latching, always aim for a good one.  Always.

It’s easy to let a bad latch happen, especially when your baby is crying and hungry.  But trust me here, you’ll pay for that bad latch later.

2. You’ll Worry

Just being a new mom raises your level of anxiety a lot.  It’s nervewracking to take care of a helpless little baby.

But when you’re nursing, it’s hard to know if you’re producing enough milk, if the latch is right, or if your baby is eating enough.  Unlike bottle feeding, you can’t measure to see how much your baby is eating.

Add all that worry to crazy out of control post-baby hormones and it’s not uncommon for a new mom to become an emotional wreck.

But, there’s someone who can help…the mighty Lactation Consultant!

Lactation Consultants are usually easy to find (they’re in most hospitals) and their services are usually free.

A good LC will help you learn how to get a good latch, how to know if your baby is eating enough, and can answer all of those questions you have swirling around in your head.

3. Breastfeeding Takes A Lot of Time

New babies nurse at least every 3 hours around the clock and it can take them an hour at each nursing session to eat.  So that means you’ll get a maximum of a 2 hour-ish break between sessions.

It’s a huge time commitment.  You’ll be nursing about 8 hours a day.

That’s a lot of time sitting down and feeding a baby, and it’s not a job you can pass onto anyone else (at least not at first).

I remember running out to the craft store and getting stuck in the checkout line for what felt like an eternity.  My breasts started to swell and I worried the worry about my baby being hungry without me, made me abandon my purchases in line and I hightailed it out of there asap.

After a few weeks my milk supply leveled off and my son’s feeding times became routine, so I was able to get a little more freedom.  It gets more predictable and babies learn how to eat faster, so it gets better, I promise!

But before then, you’ll need someone who can help take care of you while you’re spending so much time nursing.

Breastfeeding burns a ton of calories and you’ll be hungry all.the.time.

The best thing anyone can do for a breastfeeding mom is to make sure there are snacks and water nearby.

And then they can hop over to the laundry and fold that too.

Seriously, having a good support person is imperative at the beginning, because you just won’t have the time to do everything that needs to be done.

4.  Get A Breast Pump

Even if you think you’ll exclusively breastfeed, get a breast pump.  It can be your best friend.

Not only will it allow for other people to feed your baby and to give you a little bit of freedom, it can also help with a few potential breastfeeding problems that can pop up.

Some Moms might struggle with producing enough milk, a brestpump can help with that.

Some Moms get so engorged that it’s hard for their baby to latch, a breastpump can help with that.

Some babies struggle with latching due to tongue-tie, a brestpump can help you supplement.

And sometimes unexpected things pop up and you’ll need a pump.

My youngest son caught RSV at a very young age and had to be hospitalized, and my breast pump helped me keep my milk supply up while he wasn’t eating as much as he should.

The problem is that Breastpumps can be expensive.

I wish someone had told me that my insurance would have covered my pump 100%.

I wish I had known about 1 Natural Way.  This company will not only contact your insurance provider for you but also your Dr. to get the prescription.  All you have to do is fill out their online form and they’ll take care of the rest.  It’s so simple and takes less than 5 minutes.

All breast pump models are covered by my insurance provider, Tricare, at no out of pocket expense. This includes the Medela Freestyle and the Spectra S1 Breast Pump, and the Medela Pump in Style Tote/Backpack.

Dude…I paid full price for my Medela Pump in Style Backpack!  Ugh.

1 Natural Way provides works with many insurance companies, just click on the link that says “Qualify Through Insurance” on their website here to apply.

In addition to breast pumps, 1 Natural Way also offers breast pump accessories, compression socks, and postpartum care supplies.

Get yourself a breast pump, you’re going to need it!!

5. It Gets Easier

Yes, breastfeeding is messy, hard, and time-consuming, but eventually, you and your baby get the hang of it and it gets so much easier.

You both learn how to get a good latch, sore nipples heal, and the pain goes away.

Your baby becomes a faster eater and won’t have to eat as frequently, so you’ll be spending less time sitting and nursing.

You never have to worry about packing enough bottles or being out too long because as long as your baby is with you, they can eat.

And if you need or want to have time away from your baby, use that Insurance Breast Pump and make a bottle.

But if something does happen, like my fight with thrush, it can be helped.  If you ever feel pain, don’t hesitate to call your Lactation Consultant.   Mine was a lifesaver!