Thank you to my best blogging buddy, Danya from Lemon Lime Adventures, for guest posting on my blog today. I’m in the middle of my family’s first move this year (still have one more epic journey in September). I love how honest she is about the fact that she’s a yelling Mama like me. How do you support your friends?
Are you a yelling mom? Do you find yourself yelling more than you wish you did but in the same breath hate that everyone around you seems so calm and collected about the problem you face everyday? You are not alone! In fact, you are not alone at all!
I am with you 100%. I am a yelling mom! I have been a yelling mom for a very long time. I have worked hard to be better about my habit but the truth is… I still yell.
Yep, I still yell. There, I said it. The truth is that I still yell and there are things no one ever told me about being a yelling mom.
The very first truth is that there are so many of us out there, but there are also moms that have never and may never struggle with yelling. This is for those moms. This is for my best friend who told me “I just never want to yell. Its not something I struggle with. ” Yeah… that mom.
5 Things You Can Do to Support the Yelling Mom
Empathize | Yep. Empathy goes a long way. I have to say, though it has to be sincere. If you have a friend (like me) that yells often and hates herself for it, try your hardest to find where she is coming from and try to empathize with her situation. However, I caution you… yelling moms are funny… don’t ever OVER empathize because that just makes them want to yell more.
Listen | Ahh… when I have just finished letting loose, I want nothing more than to just tell someone about it. Its a release I need and want to feel! I just want to feel validated in that yell but at the same time I want to strategize how to be better about it next time.
Ask Questions | I hate it when people say “well, you should have”….In hindsight, I know you are trying to help. I mean, you are not someone that struggles with yelling. I should listen to your advice. However, what I am more likely to be open to, is questions like “have you tried, what would happen if…, and other questions that don’t imply I am doing it all wrong. I mean, even if we know you don’t mean it that way, our feelings are fragile after a yell and we might take it the wrong way.
Get us Out of the House | One of the top causes of yelling is not taking care of your own needs and filling your cup before your kids. One of the best things you can do, is ask your friend for coffee, make them set a date and hold them to it. As much as this mom tells you she is fine and doesn’t need a break, she is fooling herself and you will feed her soul to spend just a few minutes with her!
Wine!!!! | Oh, I can’t even emphasize that enough. Okay, wait before anyone gets all worked up.. if you are not a wine drinker, tea, lemonade or even water work just fine.. but there is something about sharing a drink with a friend that has had a long day! This is a great way to support your yelling mom friend that is struggling, even though you might not be able to relate fully.
I could probably go on and on but that might make someone want to yell, so I will leave you with these short tips. I am curious, what is your go to way to support a yelling mom? Are you one yourself? What would you want from a friend or family member that doesn’t struggle with yelling?
Dayna is a National Board Certified teacher, with over 12 years of experience in early childhood education, who now homeschools her 3 children, one of which struggles with Sensory Processing Disorder. She is the author at Lemon Lime Adventures and owner of Project Sensory, where she is dedicated to sharing real life stories with parents and educators about the pretty and the not so pretty days involved in raising children. You can connect with Dayna over on Facebook, Twitter,Instagram, and G+!
I used to be a big-time yelling mom (still yell but just not as much) AND I have friends who yell. So I can definitely empathize when I talk to them about it. I also try to help them find strategies to cope. Because yeah I hate the “should have done that” talk. Let’s talk about what you CAN do in the future instead! I think also helping yelling moms feel like they’re not terrible while at the same time letting them know that this doesn’t have to be the way to go about disciplining is a good balance.
I am so glad I found this post. I am a yelling mom. It is something I struggle with every day and I hate myself for it. With two little boys and no friends being a stay at home is very rough. I can go on and on…. But I wont. I just wanted to comment to say I am glad you wrote this, I am glad you’re talking about this and that im not the only one 🙂 Thank you