She stood there on the stage, gorgeous summer dress, jean jacket and the most amazing pair of cowboy boots I’ve ever seen. Being from Texas, I have quiet the appreciation for a good pair of boots, and her’s were AMAZING. Her hair perfectly styled, not a flyaway in sight, and makeup done to perfection.
She was the kind of woman I shy away from. Â Intimidating in her perfection.
This woman had it all together. She glided across the stage talking about her accomplished family, her successful business, and her ability to find big chunks of time just for her.
She was a vision of perfection. Â The mother who had it all.
I sat in the audience enthralled, hanging on her every word, questions running through my mind. Â How does she do it all?
I vacillated between awe, jealousy, and frustration.
I’m just a normal mother, normal blogger, nothing to be admired or emulated, just a normal every day Mom trying to get by.  There’s no way that perfect Mom ever yelled at her kids or fell down crying in the bathroom after a soul-crushing morning with her kids.
In my mind, she strolled through life without a care in the world.
Except she didn’t.
As she told her story, my opinion about this infallible woman changed. Â Word by word her walls came crumbling down. Â Her soul shined through and I saw her for the woman she is. Â A woman a lot like me.
I sat at the edge of my seat captivated by every word as this woman told her hard truth. Â She told her story of how she
She told her story of how she passed out in her bathroom and ended up with a broken cheekbone because she was working too hard, not sleeping, and not taking care of herself.
As she spoke, her words flew across the room and smacked me right in the face. Â Tears welled up in my eyes.
At that moment I knew something had to change. Â I needed to find a way to live my life so that I could not only be present with my family, but with my passions as well. Â I needed time for self-care.
Until this point in my life, I was working myself into a nub of a person. I was getting up early and working late.
Throughout my days, I worked on my computer while I pseudo-parented my two young boys. Â I ran from activity to activity without giving myself space to relax.
I spent time with my husband with a computer nestled into my lap, ignoring his presence.
All this hard work did nothing but turn me into a resentful, unfulfilled, and angry parent. Â I was a shell of the person I once was. Â I was in a Mom Funk.
I no longer enjoyed playing or laughing with my children, I didn’t make space for long talks with my husband. Â Me time was a waste of time.
Chills ran up my spine when I realized that it could be me on the floor of that bathroom if something didn’t change.
This was not the kind of life I wanted to live. Â My family deserved a better version of me…heck I deserved a better version of me.
This post contains affiliate links.
That was 2.5 years ago and I’m proud to say that I turned things around.  By making a few changes to how I manage my life, I’m capable of doing everything I want to do and still have time for me.
Lessons Learned
“If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no”
Notice in my previous sentence I said “I’m capable of doing everything I want to do.”  WANT…That right there is the key.
I had to get better at pairing down my work and social life. Â In order to do that, I had to decide what really matters any only focus on that.
I live by the statement, “if it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no”.
Anytime someone asks something of me, I ask myself this quick question.  If I don’t instantly jump and say “Hell yes, I want do that!” then I say no.
This one phrase helps me make the best decisions that I can without sacrificing my family, work or self-time. Â Since I’m only saying yes to things that make me feel happy and fulfilled, I’m living a happier and more fulfilled life.
I’m no longer cluttering up my time with obligations and things I don’t want to do.
Unfortunately, there will always be obligations and chores...these dishes ain’t going to wash themselves...but if someone asks me to something outside of my obligations to family or work, I have to consider if it’s worth my time or money. Â This phrase keeps me focused on what’s really important in my life.
Read more about this concept here…it might just change your life.
“You CAN do it all…you just can’t do it all at the same time.”
IÂ can be a wonderful mother, a successful business owner/worker, Â a fantastic wife, a helpful volunteer, an involved PTA parent.
IÂ just can’t do it all at the same time.
I am no longer shooting for balance, the goal is to be present.
Be there…whatever I’m doing be there.
When I’m with my kids I stop and focus on them.
When I’m working I stop and focus on work.
When I’m with my husband I stop and focus on us.
When I’m with my friends I stop and focus on friendship.
I stop. Â I focus. Â I am present.
This helped me bust out of the Mom Funk and really start focusing on the joy in my life.
Keep a list
Even though I try to be present, my brain doesn’t always work that way.
It’s not abnormal for me to be hit with inspiration for a great blog post when I’m hanging with my kids. Â Or for me to remember something I need to do for my family while I’m working.
Instead of stopping what I’m doing, I write it down and put it away for later. Â I keep a list on my phone or in my handy dandy notebook that’s always close by. Â I know the idea is written down and I know I’ll have the time to work on it later.
I get little lightbulb moments throughout my day, and I know I wouldn’t remember most of them if I didn’t write them down somewhere.
Lists can be your friend.
Compartmentalize Time
So when do we get to that list?
The hands down, best thing I ever did was set work hours for myself.
It helps me be present with my kids and family because I know that I have set aside hours in my day to work. Â I don’t have to worry about finding the time to get things done.
Even if you don’t work from home like I do, it’s still important to have time that you focus on certain tasks. Â Instead of paying bills between wiping noses, making lunches, and breaking up sibling fighting, find time where you can sit and focus on doing that one thing.
When we’re constantly distracted, important tasks fall through the cracks. We think we paid that bill, but are we sure?
We get scattered, discombobulated, and frazzled.
As soon as I started batching my time and focusing on one task at a time, I was able to complete things. Â One by one, things were flying off my to do list. Â It felt good.
I’m surprised at how that woman in the boots transformed my life with one speech.
Now it’s your turn to make the changes.
Don’t end up on the bathroom floor with a broken cheek. Â Make changes now, so you can become the BEST version of YOU!
Learn more about how to live a less-stressed life here.
Inspiring books:
Other Helpful Posts:
Overwhelmed Mom and The Mom Funk
Mama’s Anger Management
4Â Books That Will Enhance a Mother’s Life
Oh Amanda. I hung on every word. Clearly I have been right here. And I’m often inches from drifting back. It is so important to remind ourselves to take these steps. Thank you for your kind words, for listening to what I had to say, and for taking such important strides for yourself and your family. xoxo
Danielle! Seriously, your talk will forever have an impact on my heart. Thank you so much for sharing your truth. And yes, I too am often inches away from drifting back. Finding that like is certainly a delicate balancing act.
You had me at Pseudo-parenting. This is so true and spot on. I have also implemented a mantra of “NO is a complete sentence” – I don’t have to have a reason why I am not attending this or that event… it is really liberating!
Oh that was a hard one for me. No can be a complete sentence… Still working on not making excuses, but my little phrase helps a lot!
I had a major wake up call today. With a 4 yr old and 8 mnth old to look after, while sick. I stupidly went for the entirre morning to help my oldest burn some energy plus my baby was just crying as soon as we step outdoors we stop. For the hr the baby slept after we came home I worked. Baby woke up. Then I went out a f ain for the afternoon when I should have just rested. My body caved in and I couldn’t move for a long time, a wake up call.
I’ve become more of a home body. Not overly interested in catching up with other mothers. I hope my kids get enough interaction with other kids. Swimming and day care one day each a week and a treat inbetween is enough. I think I’m just broken from rejecting mothers and I find the sanctuary of my kids who accept me for who I am no matter how daggy I appear. I just revel in them. And the fact thatIm not socialising, for some strange reason, doesn’ bother me. It gives me just enough energy for my husband, kids any myself. I do see the light of day but running around after other mothers and trying to impress them is just to exhausting for me. I used to feel bad because I don’t spoil my kids and take them out as much as others and part of me felt very guilty but when I think back to my childhood, we just got on with nothing much and an imagination. I love that I have slowed my pace right down. I just need to get off the computer and make that little more time for my kids and I before they run off and go to school.
thanks..
I love the part about setting work hours… I really need to work on that! Wonderful article! Thank you, very good food for thought!
Love that! “If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no”. That will stick with me 🙂 Thanks Amanda.
The part about setting work hours is really a killer advice, Than you, very good food for thought!